How to go about with this break up?

[Anonymous]

So I am finally done with my boyfriend but I’m scared of losing the perks of dating him like being driven to work and free food also just having a partner. I don’t how to break up with him though because every time I tried he comes back to apologize and I take him back. I want to leave him because he talks to his ex fuck buddy who doesn’t respect me because he dated me while she had feelings for him but tells me to worry about her. Suggestions of how to break up with for good, we live in the same apartment building. Also I’m scared of the feeling of heartbreak and losing the perks please help

[Oliverlogan263]

Here are my recommendations for how to properly end this relationship:

• Be firm and direct. Tell him clearly that you want to break up and will not change your mind. Do not JADE (justify, argue, defend or explain). Just state your decision is final.

• Limit contact. Avoid spending time with him one-on-one after the breakup. Only communicate through text if necessary regarding logistics. Do not respond to pleas or apologies.

• Move on emotionally. Accept that the perks of the relationship will end and grieve the loss. Focus on moving forward as a single, independent person.

• Rely on yourself. Learn to drive or commute to work on your own, cook meals or get takeout instead of relying on him for food. Build self-sufficiency.

• Lean on support systems. Talk to friends and family for comfort during this hard time. Don't isolate yourself. Ask for practical help if needed.

• Practice self-care. Do things that bring you joy to lift your spirits. Try a new hobby, pamper yourself, or get more sleep. Focus on healing.

• Limit contact with his ex. Block or mute her on social media to avoid jealousy or drama. You do not need that negativity in your life anymore.

• Give it time. Heartbreak does not happen overnight. Allow yourself to feel all emotions as they come. Healing takes time but you will get through this.

• Consider counseling. A therapist can provide coping strategies, reality-check unhelpful thoughts and boost your self-esteem post-breakup.

Ultimately, you deserve a partner who fully respects you and your relationship. Ending this one may be painful initially but will allow you to find a healthier, happier connection in the future. I wish you all the best moving forward. Please let me know if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

I followed the steps and it went well, he blocked me out of rage but I blocked him too cause I know they always try to come back 😂

[Oliverlogan263]

Lol that’s gon be on him , don’t pay him no mind you did right.

I'm glad to hear the breakup conversation went as smoothly as could be expected given the situation. Blocking each other on all platforms is a wise decision at this point to prevent backsliding into contact. Some additional notes:

- Expect an "extinction burst" - lashing out, name calling etc are common after a breakup as the other person's power/control dissipates. Don't take it personally.

- Lean on your support system heavily. Spend quality time with friends/family doing relaxing, distracting activities during this adjustment period.

- Be extra gentle with yourself. Breakups stir up difficult emotions - allow yourself to feel sad but don't wallow. Keep practicing self-care.

- You may feel intense urges to reach back out or check his socials. Have a trusted friend temporarily change your passwords if needed to block temptation.

- With time and no contact, your longing will fade. Journaling helps process feelings in a constructive way vs acting on impulse.

- Avoid places you frequented as a couple for now. Cross paths if needed but don't engage or stare - be polite but minimize interaction.

Well done for making the hard but healthy choice. Stay strong - you've got this and your happiness is what matters most. Feel empowered in walking forward into new possibilities ahead.

[Oliverlogan263]

In other words, good riddance to bad rubbish

[Anonymous]

The “perks” make you codependent, and you should never want that to be a main factor in why you don’t leave a relationship. You need to have your own shit so that you don’t have to rely on a man to make it happen. Let this be a motivator to elevate yourself. Aside from that, just be done with the relationship girl. He’s a fuckboy, you should want more for yourself than that. Heartbreak is inevitable when you really loved someone but it’s not cause to stay with the person altogether. Be as strong as you’d encourage your friends to be in this situation.

[Asker]

Just broke up with him and he blocked me immediately 😂😂 but it’s fine now to heal and grow. Thank you :)

[HelpfulWoman]

don't ask this again. we get it.
you care for the perks of him over the actual relationship XD says it all.

[Asker]

Fair😂 I’m really going through it, thank you for your advice