Why does nobody believe that you can be friends with an ex?

[Anonymous]

Why must you always lose contact or let everything go if that person was such an important part in your life?

Updates

+1 y

For instance my mom and her previous husband were still good friends even after my mom remarried and even after he had his partner and they could be civil about it yet everyone says it doesn't work out cause one can't be friends

[ProbablyClueless]

A lot of people are really vindictive towards their exes, so that's definitely a part of it. They assume that you can't be friends with an ex because they can't be friends with their exes.

Beyond that, I think there's confusion about what the term "friend" actually means. For a lot of people, a friend is not someone that you are simply cordial with, it is someone with whom you have an active and ongoing connection. It looks suspicious for someone to actively maintain a friendly connection with someone they used to be in love with. What you used to have with them is done, so it's like... why not move forward in life? You don't have any reason to continue maintaining any sort of intimacy with your ex.

I feel the same way that you do. I don't see any reason for people to have open hostility towards their exes. I don't even see any reason for people to be openly hostile towards old friends. There's just no need to go through life that way. But I still don't actively foster my connection with exes.

[TommyMountainFigure]

'Nobody' is a bit definitive no?

I am friends with 2 of my ex, and my partner has no problem with it. She gets on well with them too. I'm also friends with one of my partner's ex. We are on the same Rugby team

Not all break-ups end badly.

[Asker]

Lol I'm sorry yeah nobody is wrong but so far everyone I've met have said that so Jusy trying to get opinions on it

And that's great , you can't throw someone away that you've got a connection with even though romantically it didn't work out

[TommyMountainFigure]

Absolutely right. I think it says more about a person who simply can't have a friendship with an ex, either because they have no confidence in themselves, or have trust issues with other people!

[desidoll]

Maybe because they speak based on their experience? Many cases, it doesn’t end well for them. I am still friends with one of my ex, though he is still being flirty towards me.

[IslaTheWitch]

We are friends. It's possible. But it depends on the relationship itself and how it ended.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Because if it didn't work out as a relationship, its because we didn't get along well enough to tolerate eachother. This prevents both a friendship and a relationship from continuing.

TLDR: Because I don't like them.

[TheSpaceGnome]

This issue is caused by being fooled into thinking they are someone they are not, so now I won't get into a relationship unless it lasts as a friendship for 3 years first, in which case a breakup simply isn't going to happen, because all possible reasons that it would have been ruled out by then.

[aceleon]

because most people doesn't break up because they were happy and in good terms with each other.

even if they are if you have someone new in your life it is disrespectful towards them.

[RebelinSteel]

You can be friends with ex’s, sometimes the reasons you split up were outside your control or later you realise they were really stupid reasons. You can be friends with who ever you want to be,

[Yannae]

Out of respect for my new relationship I don't really talk to them anymore. With some I'm still friendly, but they're just a person on that facebook list now.

[boggboss]

Because most people are not capable of redrawing boundaries with a ex and treating them like a friend

[Nikki1989]

Those people are idiots that hold grudges. I am friends with all my exes except one.

[WadeKiet]

It's just depends on your situation. If you broke up in a good way without arguing, then it is really not weird if you still remain friends.

[Asker]

But wouldn't it affect your next relationship?

[WadeKiet]

If you only interact as friends and there is nothing sexual going on between you and your ex, then there should be nothing wrong. If just that would make your next partner jealous, I see it as toxic.

[jahaims]

It isn't healthy. You can't move on that way no matter what lie you tell yourself. Nothing like finding a partner then introduceing them to the friend group you used to bang.

[dudeinohio]

because you need to move on. also, if you get into a new relationship, being friends with an ex can cause issues or be a deal breaker,

[TonyMetal___86]

Cause you just simply can't, it's over for a reason and as a human i walk forward, not backward

[Anonymous]

Because it takes 2 to tango. And even if you can remain friends with her. That doesn't mean she can remain friends with you.

[guyinterested]

will cause problems when you get into a new relationship. i dump anyone whose friends with an ex.

[laly520]

not me

ex stays in past, forever

[OtterMan68]

I'm good friend with my ex

[Somegirl124]

I agree.