He said he cheated because I wasn’t caring enough, I really tried my best but now I can’t stop but thinking that it was my fault?

Question

We were seeing each other for a year and I really thought everything was going great, I found out all this time there was another girl and he said he didn’t feel enough cared for and fet like I wasn’t putting enough effort but I really thought I wasn’t trying my best and giving it my all, I was only loyal to him and tried to be there for him. It really broke me because now I really think I’m not capable of being a good partner and just can’t stop blaming myself. I know people always say it’s the cheaters fault but what if I truly didn’t do enough and lost him

Confucious900 · Accepted Answer

He is saying that to take the attention of him and the fact that he cheated. He is manipulating you. Sounds like a narcissist and gaslighting. If you know you did everything you could the problem is him. Not you. That's what guys like them do. They get in your head and make you think and feel everything you did was wrong. He couldn't see your value. You didn't lose anything here. He lost you. You are worth more than a cheating scum. Believe me when I say you shouldn't let that get to you. He couldn't appreciate you and that is his problem. I believe you did more than you could and even if you could do more it still wouldn't be enough. There is nothing wrong with you or the way you love. Don't let a cheating bastard change you or what is in your heart. You deserve better

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

Excuses…. People who cheat suck. Especially when they can’t say they’re sorry. If he wasn’t happy he should have broken off the relationship and found someone new. The good news is that woman he cheated with probably won’t be loyal.

He also didn’t communicate if you thought things were going well and he didn’t. He should have told you what he wanted and how he felt.

People like this don’t want to face that they did something wrong. Maybe you both have different needs in a relationship therefore you’re not compatible. It doesn’t make either one of you bad.

Though, what does make him bad is that he cheated then refused to take accountability. When he could have broken up

katiesmuff · Accepted Answer

You need to get over the idea this was in any way your fault. It is on him 100% and was from the very beginning. Just feel lucky that this all has come out now so you can move on and find a decent caring guy for yourself.

AmyHew1tt · Accepted Answer

Cheating was his choice. If he was feeling uncared for, he would have brought it up with you. He's trying to deflect blame, and you should cut him off and never have anything to do with him.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

He didn`t cheat because you weren`t "enough" for him, he cheated because he couldn`t stay commited, simple as that... Some of us will give almost anything to find a woman that "really cares about us", and so we can show her the same caring... is Just in his genes, that he likes to "mess around" he is not a "stable person", so the next time you`ll find someone, DON`T PUT EVERYTHING on the plate, just "feed him" bit by bit, so that will keep him "interested" in you.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

A lot of cheaters try to shift the blame for their bad behavior on their partners. Even if you were doing something or failing to do something that resulted in him being less than content, it doesn’t justify cheating. Cheating is pure selfishness and insensitivity, nothing more and nothing less. There are dozens of other, better ways to manage feelings that you’re not loved or appreciated. Cheating is second only to outright abuse for THE worst way to handle it. Your boyfriend is an ass. End it and move on.

teamvic · Answer

It's called manipulation bro. You said it yourself there was always another girl

You never even had him to begin with. He was always going to cheat. All he's doing now is blaming you and your ass is falling for it

Anonymous · Answer

You can both be right. He may be making excuses of course to avoid accountability. But maybe he really did think you didn't give enough.

You know how much you truly put into the relationship. Could you have realistically done more? It's right to review the relationship and see if there's something to learn.

But maybe you just need to find a guy that will appreciate you more.

Twalli · Answer

He chose to not tell. you he didn't feel enough and cheat. That's on him. He should have tried to work it out with you. I won't say that you did care enough, because I don't know. Regardless, he should have discussed that feeling with you first. Maybe you expressed it in a way he didn't see or maybe he wanted more than you could show. Either way, he's at fault for not discussing it with you instead of cheating.

nawtee_me · Answer

That is what he wants you to think so he can control you. Next he will want you to do things you don’t want to do and say if you cared for him you would do it. He is manipulating you…. Kick him to the curb before you do things you would never do….

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

He's blaming you so you cannot blame him. Ugh! People who can't take accountability for their actions are a massive turn off. 🙄 Don't waste your time.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

If you didn't do enough, he should have come to you and said, he feels you ain't putting enough in to the relationship.. Cheating with another woman is unacceptable and deplorable in my book!

HighValue · Answer

Only bad people cheat. If you weren't caring enough and he was a good person, he would have just ended the relationship. Don't blame yourself for a cheater.

onedarkcloud · Answer

I CALL BULLSHIT! He just wanted to break it off and didn't have the balls to do it the right way. It is nothing you have done. He is the spineless one. Do yourself a favor and find a real man who will really love you and forget the scumbag

OtterMan68 · Answer

no, he had choices:
1) Tell you how he felt and seek couple's counseling
2) File for divorce.
3) Cheat.
the last option is the worst and NOT your fault. It's never the fault of the person being cheated on

slatyb · Answer

Not your fault. He's a cheater and would cheat no matter what his partner did.

Anonymous · Answer

Well he could have ended the relationship with you first, if he felt he wasn’t being treated properly? He didn’t have to stay with you while being with another? He made the choice to cheat.

RHK36 · Answer

He's just trying to manipulate you into believing his bs. Cheating is never the answer. Get over him and move on.

jahaims · Answer

You are being manipulated. The only person responsible for cheating is the cheater. Cut contact with this toxic person

DrPepper12 · Answer

Classic gaslighting. "look what you made me do". It's not going to get any better. Cut your losses.

Awesomesauce2005 · Answer

It was your choice therfore it was your fault.

Cheerfull009 · Answer

Now you should be careful, with your attitude during relationship

AnAmazingGuy · Answer

why he did not tell that directly. making you fool.

exitseven · Answer

It is not your fault. He is at fault.

He said he cheated because I wasn’t caring enough, I really tried my best but now I can’t stop but thinking that it was my fault?

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