Would you allow your ex to still be apart of your kids life if he asked?

[Anonymous]

If he broke up with you due to stresses in his life and felt it was unfair to drag you and you kid down with him (his not the father) but asked that he still wanted to be apart of your kids life and stay friends because your kids real father was dead beat, would you be okay with it?

My kid is still upset about the whole break up situation but misses him and i dont know if keeping him in her life would be more healthy for her (11 year old) or do more harm. He still wants to go to her sport games and be supportive but i also wonder if I get into another relationship later down the line or even him, if it would be an issue then?

What do you think?

[Anonymous]

Yes, if nothing bad happened to cause the breakup. It’s for sure better for your daughter to allow her to still see your ex. For you it’s a partner that you can move on from, for her it’s a father figure. And she didn’t want this breakup, that’s something you grown ups decided and it’s unfair to her to say now we’re not gonna be together anymore so you can’t see your dad anymore (I get it’s not her real dad, but to her it peobably is as her actual father is a deadbeat). It’s beneficial for her to have another good grown up involved in her life, so if you can make it work that she continues seeing him you should.

[Asker]

I thought so too but what if 6 months down the line her meets someone else and decides he rather focus his attention on her kids and then walks out of my kids life completely too and she loses him all over again?

[Anonymous]

if he cannot handle stress in his life, how is he going to handle a child? he just decided to dump you two because he just couldn't handle some stress? he needs a therapist.

oh yeah a guy who i looked up to as a father figure decided to leave because he couldn't handle some stress and just left me.

that's how it feels to a kid. i think he needs to get his life together. i get he didn't want to bring you two down with him, but if he's the kind of person who drags people down with him because of his feelings, he needs help that you cannot give him.

[Kaneki05]

Unless said Ex was abusive, I don't see why not. Kids need family having a life without that support ain't good for them, the smaller their role models the more likely they will feel worse really.

[TommyMountainFigure]

It's not your kids fault you guys broke up, so I don't see why she has to suffer for it.. If she wants to see him, I think you should let her. providing he can be trusted!

[TommyMountainFigure]

I've had a thought. Not sure how weird it would be for you, but what if you were to go with when he takes her out. I know he'll still be the ex, but no reason you can't stay friends?

[Asker]

I have thought about this but realistically it can't be like that forever. If he meets someone knew in 6 months time he will push my kid away automatically and she will be hurt all over again?

[TommyMountainFigure]

That's a very good point. Have you mentioned that to him? Also, have you explained that to your daughter?

[Asker]

Yes, i have. he says anything can happen but its my choice at the end of the day.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Yep it is, and I have no doubt that ultimately you will make the right one. The problem however, your daughter is going to get hurt whichever one you make.
How about this.. Wein your daughter off of him gradually. By that, I mean, say to her you can see him once every fortnight.. then over time, once every month,, then couple of months.. That might work out as over time they might both lose interest in keeping in contact. Something maybe worth considering?

[Xia1994]

If I was in that situation I’d let my kid see their dad. Even when you’re divorced if possible it’s helpful to work as a team for the child’s sake. But I understand that it’s not always possible to do that amongst divorced couples.

[Asker]

Yeah, but he isn't her real dad. Her dad is half a world away.

[Xia1994]

Oh I thought we were speaking about her real dad, that’s why I said it’s not always going to be possible to work as a team after a divorce and for both parents to be in the child’s live but if it’s possible it’s very helpful for both parents to work together together and raise the child.

In the case where it’s not possible to raise your child with your partner and they moved far away I think it’s out of your hands. It’s possible to raise children well on your own.

[Xia1994]

*with your ex partner* I’m just speaking on my own opinions here though, it’s just my own views and opinions. This is a sensitive topic and people need to do what they believe is best for themselves 💯.

[Asker]

appreciate your opinion :-)

[Xia1994]

Thank you 😊

[Bricealan]

She left our marriage 10 years ago, but I would probably be friends with her

[DrPepper12]

Yes. If you had a kid together you both get access unless there's some law enforcement concern.

[Asker]

No kid together

[DrPepper12]

Sorry read it again! That's ruff. I don't know. My heart says yes but my brain says wait a minute!

[Asker]

lol right!

[genericname85]

should men allow to be their ex to still be part of their kids life?

[Luckycharms12]

No not at all