Why do people try to remain friends with their exes?

Question

What is the point? I can understand being cordial when you have children involved, but otherwise, why?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Because sometimes it’s better to not hate someone , just because you and your partner didn’t work out , it doesn’t mean you have to hate them , you are both mature enough to understand you both aren’t good for each other anymore. Kind of what I am going through now with my soon to be ex wife , Her and I got to a point in our marriage, that we both no longer agree on things and see things eye to eye , she wants opposite of what I want , she sadly became very selfish and only wanted things her way and I was no longer a priority to her anymore I basically became a convenience to her , , her friends’ became more of a priority to her then I was to her , she no longer wanted to spend time with me or do things with me , because everything was about her and what she felt was best for her. So her and I started butting heads like crazy and arguing like crazy , basically pointing fingers at each other about who is right or wrong , it was something that we realized we both couldn’t fix together anymore , so we decided to separate and live our own lives. we still live together but in separate rooms , she does her thing and I do mine , It was a hard adjustment but I realized I want a girl that chooses me like I choose her , a girl that is on the same page as me. My wife and I talked and we were honest with each other about what we wanted. She claims she didn’t cheat on me , but at this point I don’t care if she did or didn’t , because her actions spoke louder than words , in my mind she cheated on the marriage she chose to be in with me , so I just accepted it for what it is and started focusing on myself , I don’t hate her , I just know we are no longer good for each other , if she is lying? That’s her problem, because I have been completely honest with her. She just wants her cake and wants to eat it to pretty much. She doesn’t hate me , she just no longer wants to be with me. She rather be with her girlfriend instead. A girl that I can’t stand with a passion, but it’s her life and her choice , i can’t force her to hate her. I also think she is diking it out with her as well , because her friendship with this girl is really weird and shady , and I am not the only one that thinks that. So if she wants to be with a girl , have a blast , I want a girl that chooses me the same way I choose her. Life is too short to stay with someone that doesn’t see eye to eye with you anymore , she knows I have been open to meeting someone and I told her when I do , she will be the first to know. We use to have sex here and there but we no longer do so now that she met this so called girlfriend of hers , so she is t going to tell me the truth because she knows I can use it against her in court. I thought about hiring a Private investigator to catch her red handed when she goes away with this girl , but I realized it’s a waste of money , and plus I plan on screwing another girl as well.

Zack-Bann · Accepted Answer

I think remaining friends with your ex is ok up until one of you starts dating again.

It becomes too agonizing for the other person and unfair to the new SO who has to deal with the baggage of an old relationship.

That’s how I did it with my ex.

I harbor absolute no ill will towards her even though she selfishly broke my heart.
And now that she’s dating someone new I find it best to put her out of sight and out of mind. Just glad she’s finally where she wanted to be.

Simslover92 · Accepted Answer

Some people are meant to be roots in your life and some are meant to be just leaves. Just because a romantic relationship ends doesn't mean that the friendship must die especially if you were friends for many years prior to becoming a couple.

I was friends with my ex for many years prior to us getting together romantically and I decided I didn't want our friendship to end just because the romantic relationship came to an end because he means so much to me and vice versa.

It wasn't like we ended on bad terms. Just didn't work out romantically.

CindyRuns · Accepted Answer

There is a big difference between being friends and living with someone. There's nothing wrong with two mature adults realizing that they don't want to be together and yet, still be friends.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

No reason to not remain friends. Just because you are no longer in a romantic relationship is no reason to not be friends. They are two different things.

"What is the point?"

What is the point of any friendship? Being an ex is no different unless you had a nasty breakup. Someone who had a nasty breakup in the past might not be a red flag, but it's a yellow flag.

matchrestore · Answer

While we never officially became a couple, my best friend and I did initially go on quite a few dates before determining that while we had no sexual chemistry, we did really enjoy each other's company and decided to be friends. That was nearly 20 years ago and we're still best friends.

BullShark · Answer

Lingering feelings of attraction, wanting and hoping to get back together, or just missing how it felt being with them, hoping they can still make you feel the same butterflies they used to.

In conclusion, the most common reason is lingering feelings

Likes2drive · Answer

I probably wouldn’t talk to her much if we didn’t have kids together and married for so long but it’s better to be on good side because she will still try take of things with kids if a problem comes up with insurance, I’m still civil with her and as far as ex girlfriends we still talk because we they were still good to me but didn’t work for other reasons

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

As surprising as it sounds, end of love and/or absence of love, can lead to friendship, yes.

It's probably a minority and it needs two people to sync on this idea. I would not say it's a miracle, but I would expect this to be uncommon lol

sawno · Answer

Because I have an amazing ex, were on good terms just not in a situation where we can make a relationship work. So we still enjoy the friendship.

Bricealan · Answer

I can't hate anyone after a breakup. No matter what. What purpose does that server? My wife left me for another man, and she and I still talk...

Nikki1989 · Answer

We never had to try. Friends should remain civil with each other and stay friends.

Anonymous · Answer

In my case i still love my husband and we are still on very good terms. Our marriage relationship just isn't going to work so we decided to end it, but there's no reason to end our friendship.

MicahRaine · Answer

I've never had an angry breakup. Breakups hurt, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't still respect each other and be friends.

Tanntoned · Answer

Because they respect each other and are mature.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Why NOT? You shared your lives for a time and loved, respected each other, made memories together!! I'm friends with ALL of them!

jojouzumaki · Answer

The relationship didn’t work out but the friendship does.

bolverk · Answer

I've no Idea, I have one Ex that I'm friendly with because we split amicably, It was better to split when we did.

elaphe · Answer

You still like them as people. I am friends with mine.

exitseven · Answer

maybe they have a fantasy about getting back with her.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I won't get into a relationship with a lady I do not like as a person. If the romance does not work, she is still someone I like as a person.

Anonymous · Answer

Probably because not everyone's relationships end badly. Just because I stop dating a woman doesn't mean I stop caring about her.

noohair · Answer

Some people can and do. I don't think it is bad.

In_Trance · Answer

So they are perceived as a good person

Ladsin2 · Answer

Kids?

Why do people try to remain friends with their exes?

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