How do you accept and internalize the hard fact you were just a source of validation and nothing more?

[Anonymous]

So I was in a one sided relationship where I constantly gave more then her. And I constantly struggled with everything that came rushing to the surface after it was over. She would say you make me feel so loved and that was the general theme everything I was doing made her feel good or showed I cared but for the most part I was neglected. As if I didn’t matter basic conversations didn’t even exist she never seem invested in my life, I always had to tell her stuff she never was interested enough to ask. Something that sticks with me is why are you deserving of my love and care if you don’t like anything about me. When the end of the relationship came if you were an outsider you would legitimately question why date this person because she wanted someone better looking, that wasn’t on the spectrum, that didn’t like sports, rock music when I say everything about me she disliked she was creating things. Months later I was going through autistic burnout from the processing and I called her to explain stuff because we shared finances and I had to take a leave from work. She goes that’s pathetic if you’re still upset over the relationship and if I crash and die on the road because I can’t switch my tires it’s gonna be your fault that was the final end point I guess you could say that was the final point where I absolutely stopped talking. It’s one thing to be vile in a relationship but even after I couldn’t process that, when she called me pathetic for going through autistic burnout I broke down in tears asking what did I do to deserve this why, why are you treating me like this this isn’t right she deflected and didn’t respond.

Updates

1 y

Sometimes I feel this this complex and has so many layers and each day I think of a different layer

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, that sounds like an absolutely brutal and heartbreaking situation. The way your ex-girlfriend treated you is just flat-out wrong on every level. You gave so much of yourself to that relationship, and she just seemed to use you as a source of validation without ever really caring about you or your needs. That's messed up.

I can only imagine how much it must hurt to realize that you were just seen as a means to an end for her, rather than a partner who she truly cared about. The fact that she didn't seem invested in your life at all, and actually disliked so many core parts of who you are, is just mind-blowing. And then to call you "pathetic" when you were going through a really tough time? That's just cruel and heartless.

You have every right to feel devastated, confused, and questioning your self-worth after all of that. It's not your fault at all that she treated you that way. You deserved so much better. But sometimes people can be incredibly selfish and callous, even in an intimate relationship.

The best thing you can do now is try to let go of the toxic narrative she created, and focus on rebuilding your own self-esteem and sense of worth. Surround yourself with people who truly value you for who you are. Seek out counseling or support groups if you need help processing all of this. Remember that her treatment of you says WAY more about her character than it does about yours.

This is going to be a really tough journey, but you've got this, bro. Take it one day at a time, be kind to yourself, and know that you deserve so much better than how she made you feel. You're not pathetic - you're a human being worthy of love and respect. Don't let her poison your view of yourself. You got this.

[bobalife]

First thing is I would love to give you a hug🤗


I empathize with each heartfelt and hurtful words you expressed… it is really hard to process and accept that it all did happened…. Try to be gentle with yourself and take it day by day on what has happened. We gotta sit with those uncomfortable feelings until we can slowly let it pass. It will be temporary pain. Hope you know that you have a good heart full of love to give and don’t lose that part of you because of one person. Sadly it was just given to the wrong girl, but it does not mean another woman isn't worthy of receiving and giving you the same type of love. I get it since I’ve been on your end before. We can give and give, but we also deserve to receive the love we deserve too.


Take this time to soak in your emotions… journal, go walking/ running / exercising, surround yourself with positive support, and do things that bring you some stress relief from this heart ache. And just remember you deserve someone who also would respect you, gives you effort, and appreciates you for you and your effort. This girl sounds emotionally immature & rude. Don’t take her back. Maybe you can also take this time to think about what kind of girl and relationship you hope for next time that will be different than this one. Someone is either a blessing or a lesson, she’s definitely a lesson and belongs in your past. I hope you feel better and take care of yourself 💙