Dreaming of an ex?

[fartingspinster]

Recently had a dream of an ex and curious what you all experienced when it comes to this. What was the dream, how did you feel, did it push you to reconnect? How did it work out if you did?

I'm usually of the mindset that an ex is an ex for a reason. But I just can't seem to shake this one... we ended it due to a third party situation (family not cheating lol). And its been 5 years since... I wish I could just let him go in my heart. He just felt like home when we were together...😔 and I haven't found that in anyone after that. Not in a friend (girl/female), and not in another guy.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, dreams about exes can be really trippy, huh? I can definitely relate to that feeling. It's like, even though you know that person is an ex for a reason, there's still that part of you that misses that connection, y'know?

I had a dream about an ex a while back, and it just left me feeling all kinds of confused. On the one hand, it brought back all those familiar feelings and made me nostalgic for the good times we had. But on the other hand, I remembered why we broke up in the first place, and I knew reconnecting probably wasn't the best idea.

It's tough, man. When you've got that history with someone, it's hard to just let it go completely. Even if your head tells you it's over, your heart still holds on to that sense of "home" that you had together. I totally get that.

As for whether you should reach out - that's a tough call. On the one hand, if it's been 5 years and the circumstances are different now, maybe there's a chance to rekindle things in a healthy way. But on the other hand, you gotta be real with yourself about why you guys broke up in the first place. Can't go back to that, you know?

My advice would be to really sit with those feelings, try to understand where they're coming from, and then decide if it's worth taking that risk. But don't let the dream pressure you into anything. Trust your gut, and do what feels right for you, girl. You got this!

[fartingspinster]

Thank you so much for your comment, and empathy 💕 means a lot.
Yeah... I've been sitting with these feelings. Wasn't getting any answers so I did a Google search and got some insight on the human psyche. A reddit post really helped too. Apparently many people have dreams about their ex even while married... thats tough lol.

I agree, can't go back to it. And eventhough a third party was involved... honestly speaking he's not the best fit for my life and values.
I'm so spiritual... sometimes these dreams make me question if I made a mistake, because he's the only one I dream of that throws me into a whirlwind of emotions lol. But knowing its common now, I should see it just that and not as a spiritual message.

I think if I meet a really nice guy that knows how to treat me well, I wouldn't be pining over him and the hope of it working out. I appreciate your help 💕 I can see why you are rated high for MHO!

[Oliverlogan263]

Hehe, I'm really glad my response was helpful fartingspinster! It means a lot that you felt understood and supported. Dreams can be such a wild ride, especially when it comes to exes. It's totally normal to feel all kinds of emotions, even years later.

I hear you on the spiritual aspect too. When those old feelings come rushing back, it can really make you question things. But you're right, just because you dream about an ex doesn't necessarily mean it's a sign or that you made a mistake. Sometimes the subconscious just dredges up old memories and emotions, for better or worse.

The important thing is that you're being honest with yourself about the relationship and why it ended. Even if it wasn't totally your fault, you know deep down that he's not the best fit. Holding onto that hope can be tough, but you're smart to recognize that.

I really think you've got the right mindset - focus on finding someone who knows how to treat you right. When you meet that special person, those old ex feelings will start to fade. Until then, be patient with yourself and don't be too hard on your heart. It's okay to still feel nostalgic sometimes.

Just keep doing you, girl. Your spiritual side is such a beautiful part of who you are. The right guy is gonna appreciate that, I know it. Wishing you all the best as you navigate this. You got this! 💕

[fartingspinster]

Agree to everything you said! The reassurance is definitely helpful when nostalgia kicks in ahah.

You are right, I should have compassion for the nostalgia and what my heart goes through, rather than accepting its longing for a fantasy it created and act on it.
I hope they fade ahah, and I really hope I find that guy. I sort of lost hope lately, but regaining it slowly.

Thanks for saying that!! I'm the only spiritual person in my circle right now, so sort of tough to connect with people on that level also.
I think i just need to move 😂 my location doesn't seem to be fitting.

Thanks so much for your kind wishes!! Gonna give it my best 💪
Also, following you 😬

[Anonymous]

You should never dream about an ex for your past will only drudge up not so pleasant memories.

[fartingspinster]

What if there were good memories too?

[Opinion Owner]

If they were good memories, they would not be your ex.

[fartingspinster]

Well... they can be exes for many reasons.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, but an ex is not an ex because they treated you like a Queen. He is an ex because he was not man enough to treat you with love and respect.

[fartingspinster]

That is true... but if he treated me like a queen in certain areas but didn't in others... it can be confusing after the fact...

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, but he didn't do what he needed to do to be your boyfriend. Otherwise, you two would still be together and we would not be having this conversation. You need to move on and stop living in the haunting past. Live for the present, that leads to a bright future with fresh opportunities.

[fartingspinster]

💕❤️ thank you!

[MannMitAntworten]

For the longest time after my last girlfriend and I split up I would dream of her. Often her apologizing to me for doing so and for how she did it. I can only reason that my wishful thinking played out in dreamland. We also ended 5 years ago. Five years ago this month in fact. I can relate to the feeling of “home” with her. It too was unique for me. I can also relate to not sensing that through others since too. Which was compounded through the loss of my parents shortly after we split up. I was VERY close with my parents. Between our split up and my parents’ passing it left a giant chasm within me that nothing since seems to fill with anything more than a handful of soil at a time.


I tried to understand what the hell happened between us. All I could figure out was the lock down began, she became distant and quiet. Then two weeks later she breaks her silence in a text ending things. Trying to get her to talk went no where. As far as the dreams go, like I said, I just think it was my wishful thinking playing out in my dreams. No, I did not try reaching out. I already felt the futility in that. I wasn’t about to drive the dagger deeper into myself in trying any further.


This was the one I was sharing about who was, “present” in my post you responded too. I felt she invested too, which I must say, in her form was a first for me. Investment has always felt one sided. I was a deer in her headlights with how we were and she quickly understood that which I think in many ways made her endear herself to me all the more which in that made her, “present”. Does that make sense?

[fartingspinster]

Thanks for sharing!!
Yeah, this relationship ended 6 years ago also (not this month but still dreaming of him after all this time).

I get the sense of presence a bit more but the deer in headlights analogy lost me, can you explain that?

[MannMitAntworten]

Deer in the headlights. Not sure if you ever been through a wooded area with deer, but they have this habit of stopping in the middle of the road when they turn to see headlights come their way… they freeze in place. It is a bit of a common saying in areas with deer I suppose. I live in the mountains where deer are everywhere. Headlights seem to startle them in place.

I only occasionally ever dream of her anymore. I think dreams of my parents over took dreams of her. Anymore I seem to dream about mundane everyday things anymore.

[fartingspinster]

No i understand the analogy, I just dont get how that dynamic makes her more present.

But thanks for taking the time to explain it

[MannMitAntworten]

I am saying I was the deer… meaning, I was not used to a lot of what she brought to our relationship. I only gave one example. However, there were many. It is as I said, my relationships (probably for a lot of men anymore) largely feel one sided. Heck I was engaged and it still felt like I carried us in entirety. Whether it was emotional support or something of the tangible variety. It was me. I never knew otherwise. My last girlfriend actually was curious about my emotional/mental state. My perspectives. My likes dislikes in all form including intimately speaking…which was a first too. I just knew I could count on her if the chips were down and that day did come and she shined through in a huge way. She wasn’t helpless. The best way I could describe her to a friend once was telling them to think back to the seen from Jurassic Park where the mating pair of velociraptors were teamed up stacking the brother and sister as prey. How they could look at one another and read their thought knowing what the other was saying/thinking. How they worked together. That was my last girlfriend and me. I never remotely experienced that with any other girlfriend. A long time friend of mine, yeah, for a moment in time. Anyway, I guess her being her and actually contributing to this relationship is what I mean by being a deer in the headlights. It was all too foreign for me. I mean, my Mom wasn’t that way with my Dad or me either. Heck, my Dad waited on her and in a small degree growing up I did too. It was just different to have someone around who was a true complement to my life in the purest sense. I ate it up which had this effect of me trying to do even more by her. I was completely taken by her … and yes, fully invested from the mind, body, spirit standpoint. But her is the thing, I “felt” the same from her…. i guess that is the presence difference I am trying to get at. I had NEVER sensed that even from past fiancés before. I hope this helps.

[fartingspinster]

It does!!
That's how I felt about the ex i keep dreaming about.
When we were in the relationship - he really seemed to care. And brought me out of my shell.
And I offered him thag too I believe, im genuinely always curious about the person im in a relationship with. That's my love language - creating a safe space and getting to know everything about them.

I wonder if he feels the same way too, I didn't realize that most females don't put in that effort and really get to know the essence of someone.
I didn't find he did that for me though, and when I did go through a really tough time, he wasn't able to be there for me as the strong rock that I needed.
I dont blame him though, he was young (younger than me) has never really gone through a hard life (unlike me) and the situation was a very hard and difficult one.
I'm going through therapy now to unwork it, and even the therapist is in shock with all I've divulged. I didn't realize how nutty the people I was dealing with were...

[MannMitAntworten]

It is the low times and adversity when you learn who your people truly are. I have learned that and what is wild is learning how well I have chosen my friends because they have truly come through in ways I would never imagine. I know most are not as fortunate as I have been with friends like mine … that is where I am rich. Still, it is a surreal thing to lose all your family you are close too and feel lost. Only to discover it is going to be okay and that those friends consider you family and will not let you become lost as your mind would have you believe. Taken a while to wrap my mind around this. I suppose it is one of the advantages of having grown up in a small town and living in another small town where people think highly of you. It is humbling…

[trumpetplayerforlife]

When I dream of my ex they are nightmares

[fartingspinster]

Yeesh really? I only have nightmares about my parents 😂

[trumpetplayerforlife]

He was very verbally abusive and controlling

[fartingspinster]

Ugh, those were my parents. I'm glad you are away from him and hopefully those nightmare aren't often!

[trumpetplayerforlife]

Not very but I have a loving husband to help me when I get them

[fartingspinster]

Amazing ❤️ envious ahha