Girls, how would you feel if you realized you’re better at self-defense than your boyfriend or husband & he’d rely on you more if something happened?

[newgy34]

My wife and I signed up for a realism based self defense class awhile ago after an uptick in crime in our city and a few close encounters. We both decided we'd like to know what to do if something happened again. She is simply much better at it than I am. I do my best but am still at a beginners level and she is progressing rapidly. Her natural instinct is "fight" and mine is "freeze". I can overcome it with effort but there is always hesitation that puts me at a disadvantage.

Our instructor recently laid it out plainly. If we are ever in a situation where we have to defend ourselves and fight back and we cannot run away or escape.. I need to let her take the lead. She is better at it by a lot. I'd likely end up getting hurt and then she would be faced with the awful choice of leaving me there or having to really incapacitate our attacker (s) so they don't continue the assault. She has better odds of overwhelming the attacker and letting us get away. I can always help her too but he told me to leave my social conditioning about being a man and being the one to protect her aside. She is simply better at it and these things don't always follow neat gender divides. The guy is an ex cop so he knows what he is talking about.

I think my wife was surprised by this too. I am a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier, I don't think she expected this to be her domain. She seems fine and seems more worried about how I feel... she anticipated this before the instructor told us and didn't want to say anything.

Just wondering what other women think if this were your relationship. No big deal? Disappointment? Deal breaker?

Updates

16 d

I did not mean this to be posted in breakup and divorce, that was automatic and I can't seem to change it. We are not in danger of that.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me with my ex three times. We were out at the bar and I got groped so I slapped the pervert’s hands away from me. My ex froze and even said I was overreacting, and apologized to the perv. I learned that I couldn’t rely on him to even speak up on my behalf. After the third time this happened, I lost respect for him. I don’t expect him to throw hands or anything but I thought he would at least tell them to back off.

Now if the guy I’m with actually got in a fight to defend us and lost - I would still be proud of him for trying. Win or lose doesn’t matter to me, as long as there’s some kind of effort.

[SueShe]

I have no issues at all with that scenario. Some people are just better at one thing than others and that does not mean that your partner is worth less because he cannot defend you.

I think those are all old precepts that a man must be able to defend his wife. That does no longer apply nowadays. I prefer to be able to rely on myself alone rather than on someone to do the job that I feel I am capable of doing.

Those traditional gender roles are starting to crumble and it is actually a good thing they do. You do what you are good at and if it is at something that is (or was) traditionally perceived as being just by the opposite gender, then there is no need to feel bad about it.

[Abbycado]

If I was trained properly and effective then no issue defending myself and whoever I’m with.

This is not the case for me irl.

[Nikki1989]

We have no need for anything like that. We live in a peaceful area where we don't even lock the doors.