Ran into my ex with someone new did I go too far?

[Anonymous]

I’m A few days ago, I unexpectedly ran into my ex at a takeaway. We actually broke up on good terms, and only last week he told me he still loved me and cared about me so seeing him with someone new came as a complete shock.

When I saw him, I said “hi” he ignored me. That stung, especially given everything between us. I placed my order, then went over to their table and calmly asked how long they had been together. He told me to leave. I also told her that he had been at my place not long ago (which is true). I didn’t raise my voice or cause a scene I just spoke my truth and walked away.

Later that night, I called him a few times and he eventually rang me back. He was angry and said I ruined things, told me never to speak to him again, and claimed he had no feelings for me anymore but proceeded to continue the conversation for 21 mins he told me he cut it off the first time because she wanted to hear the whole conversation on what I was going to say but he was unsure what was going to come out my mouth so he cut it off.
He even said I ruined his life which I definitely didn’t

Should I have just walked away and said nothing when I saw them? Or was I right to speak up? I didn’t shout or embarrass anyone, but I also didn’t act like I was okay with what I saw. I’m not looking for pity I genuinely want to know what others would have done. Did I overstep, or was I just being human?

[Anonymous]

You did in fact create a scene. You should have left it alone. Who cares if he met someone else. You two broke up. Maybe he was just trying to nail her. Maybe he actually likes her. Regardless you two are over, so move on. Even if she was a rebound, you should have left it alone. He’s an ex for a reason. So yes I think you went too far.

[D_Bone_Steak]

So you fucked with your ex, for reasons of your own that achieved and wasn't going to achieve anything more than fuck with your ex's interactions with someone new.

I guess the subtle hint of ignoring you from the start wasn't enough for you to fuck off and put him in the past for good. I think it was a bit pathetic on your part, but you're probably used to making people hate you completely instead of parting on good terms and leaving it that way. He ignored you, it stung, so you stung him right back... lolz, and you had to tell the girl he was at your place... geez, vindictive.

[Asker]

lol if only you knew how this man treated me you would not be saying that if you knew ins and outs if this situation and if I did ignore him he would have been well smug about it even after treating me like shit. It wasn’t vindictive maybe it sounds it but it wasn’t I can put it on everything I love there no intention behind it when I did it. It’s just the he was smiling and acting smug in my face when he walked past it just came out I didn’t have any intention behind it it was just in the moment

[D_Bone_Steak]

Yeah now that you've added that context of him acting smug, I'm now of the opinion that I'm glad you did it.

I did sort of sense there had to be more to it than just for no reason at all. For instance, I have ran into so many women I cheated on the girl I'm with at the moment, and not a single one of them put me on blast. I mean we might wink at each other, smile or simply say hello, but there is a reason none of them gave me the same treatment or anything near that you did to him.

The confusing part is where you said the split was on good terms, but the dude acting smug and just ignoring you doesn't give me the fee fees of good terms... especially with the added context of him treating you like shit.

In fact I've responded similar myself once. The girl slept with me and we had a ongoing hot'n'heavy sex thing going on and I thought I had a new long term potential on my hands... she ghosted me and let me text her with panic because I thought I did something wrong. A couple days later my friend invited me to go to his marriage ceremony and introduced me to his fiance. I didn't expose her, but I did send her a couple strongly worded texts that she never responded to. She could've just told me instead of letting me panic and make a fool of myself begging to know what I did and bullshit.

Yeah I don't blame you, and in fact relate. Context matters.

[Asker]

Thank you!! & I’m sorry you had to go through that yourself!

I rang him and I said to him why did you act like that and she was sat in the car with him and was like let her talk I want to hear it but he told me later on he cut it off cause he didn’t know what was going to come out my mouth.

He called me a slag I said how can I be when I’ve only slept with you. He said he hates me and never wants to see me again. But then was like I wish you all the best at the end of the phone he said I ruined everything and if I wanted to ruin is life mission accomplished he’s like I hope you sleep good at night cos I’m not going too.

I said give me her number I will chat to her for you lol he’s like no that will Make it worse what’s done is done. & tbh I actually said to him I’m not assed I’m actually prettier than her I only said this infront of him on the phone not infront of her

They wasn’t even talking on the date they was sat silently tbh. She didn’t even say anything to me she just said how long was you together I said that don’t matter I saw him two weeks ago and when I tell you she couldn’t stop staring at me she couldn’t it.

Now you can tell me your harshest honest opinion lol! Appreciate you dude x

[D_Bone_Steak]

I think the "2 weeks ago" knowledge probably conflicted with some false truth he told her. I think you probably did her a favor, but it had to sting her even though your ire wasn't directed towards her... I wouldn't expect her to have words with you, but I bet your words gave her a reason to have words with him. I guess I would call it a painful blessing for her, and he probably had it coming... especially by trying to act smug. I mean, I feel he sort of made his own bed with both of you... and thus getting what he f*cking deserves.

[Asker]

This is what I said to him kept it calm

I loved you deeply, seeing how quickly you moved on after everything we went through has left me questioning it all. Was any of it even real? I’m not even trying to argue with u. I just want to be honest because if you really loved me it wouldn’t have been that easy to let go. We’ve known eachother for years after everything we shared it don’t make sense ‘

He replied ‘ stop it don’t text me again’

Don’t know why he’s so rattled

Sorry I’m only telling you cos I have no one else to tell except this forum

[D_Bone_Steak]

Oh no problem. It sounds like you needed some closure to the situation and I don't think he was really providing that for you in a true way. The good terms it ended on, probably would look like 'good terms' on paper, but I don't think it was all that good with him acting smug, stringing another girl in front of you and you needing a real end to things still. I mean you still had a lot of questions, which sounds like he made it apparent that he probably started and ended things on lines of sweet nothings... probably leaving you wondering "WTF?" Right?

TBH, I think you just ran into a guy that's still in that phase of life where he feeds his ego with female conquests. You know... game playing, manipulations, and of course... getting the panties to drop. Probably started things out by convincing you it was so much more than it ever really was. We live and learn I guess, such as life, and all that.

[Asker]

Very true! Thank you soooo much 🫶🏽🫶🏽❤️ I haven’t reached out to him im so proud of myself ! I think he’s also blocked me 🤣🤣🤣

[Asker]

Only on calls tho not WhatsApp

[Anonymous]

If he rebounded that quickly , he probably was looking for an out when he was with you , cuz that’s crazy fast to get a date that soon. If so that was the perfect revenge

[Asker]

Perfect revenge for who me or him sorry I don’t understand

[Opinion Owner]

For you , I mean i would be suspicious of him if he moved on that quickly

[Asker]

Yeah very true tbh he was so caught up about it honestly he was rattled saying I’ve ruined it I’ve ruined his life this and that calling me a slag when I’ve just slept with him lol and I said that. He’s like I rather break my leg then meet you again this and that

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah he sounds like a piece of shit and you saved another woman from him

[Asker]

Yeah true I wasn’t even thinking about the girl in that way it was more like was smiling when walking past me acting like he’s the man.

He said to me all when he was by himself

[Opinion Owner]

He seems like a major douche bag tbh

[Asker]

Definitely tbh

[Opinion Owner]

I would say just move on from him and find someone better

[Asker]

I hope I do haha

[Opinion Owner]

Sending good vibes to ya 🤞🏻

[Asker]

Right back at you sis ❤️

[Opinion Owner]

thanks ☺️

[Asker]

This is what I said to him kept it calm

I loved you deeply, seeing how quickly you moved on after everything we went through has left me questioning it all. Was any of it even real? I’m not even trying to argue with u. I just want to be honest because if you really loved me it wouldn’t have been that easy to let go. We’ve known eachother for years after everything we shared it don’t make sense ‘

He replied ‘ stop it don’t text me again’

Don’t know why he’s so rattled

Sorry I’m only telling you cos I have no one else to tell except this forum

[Opinion Owner]

I would have just left him alone and not texted him , he’s just an asshole

[Opinion Owner]

thanks for mho

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey, that's a tough situation for sure. I can see both sides of it, but I don't think you went too far. From what you're saying, it sounds like you kept your cool and just spoke your mind, which is understandable given the history between you two.

Seeing your ex with someone new, especially after he had told you he still cared, would sting for anyone. So I get why you felt the need to say something, even if it was just to ask how long they'd been together. You weren't yelling or making a big scene, you were just being honest about your feelings.

At the same time, I can see why your ex might have gotten defensive and upset about it. Dudes can be pretty sensitive, you know? He probably felt put on the spot, especially with his new girl there. And then calling him and confronting him about it later probably just made him feel more attacked.

Overall though, I don't think you did anything too crazy. You were just being real about how you felt in the moment. Sometimes we gotta be honest with ourselves and our exes, even if it's awkward or uncomfortable. The important thing is that you didn't go off the deep end or make a huge spectacle.

My advice would be to try not to beat yourself up about it too much. Your ex seems a little unstable with the whole "you ruined my life" thing. That's an extreme reaction. Just focus on moving forward and healing. If he reaches out again, you can decide then whether it's worth engaging. But for now, give yourself some space and don't stress too much about it. You did the best you could in a tough situation.

[In_Trance]

Yes you did

[Asker]

How pls explain

[In_Trance]

It's your ex.
There's absolutely no need and no justification to interact Beyond a pleasant acknowledgment in a public place.
You went way beyond that.
Doesn't matter if you ended on good terms or not. You ended.
Can you imagine if you were in the shoes of someone new and your boyfriend's ex did what you did? That would probably be grounds for dismissal.

You're wrong

[Asker]

Tbh he has threatened me in the past saying if I saw u with someone new it wouldn't be a good look im going to show them our pictures. So yh even if he would or wouldn’t kept it calm and cool. I didn’t throw anything or shouted I was calm

[In_Trance]

The best details you mentioned are irrelevant to your posted question.
You should have walked away