Should I just back off?

Question

Hi everyone. So my boyfriend and I almost broke up a week ago but we’re trying to make it work. Today he finally texted and asked if he can come over (after a week), I was busy so I took a while to respond back. I was distracted with some chores, I responded and told him that yes he can for sure come over. But he got pissed and said he changed his mind and no longer wants to see me so he’s asking for some more space. I apologized for being distracted, but I told him I’d love to have him over maybe tomorrow instead. He said no. I then told him okay just let me know when you want to come over, my door’s open and I told him I’ll give him some space.

I feel really guilty though, I don’t want this mistake of me not responding sooner to make him mad at me again all over… Did I blow my chances? Am I still doing the right thing by giving him space?

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Well, that's a tricky situation for sure. It sounds like your boyfriend is pretty sensitive and has some major trust issues, which is probably making this whole thing harder.

The fact that he got so upset over you just taking a little while to respond is a red flag. That's a pretty extreme reaction, even for someone with a fearful avoidant attachment style. It seems like he's really struggling to communicate his needs in a healthy way.

In this case, I think giving him the space he's asking for is probably the best move. Don't take it personally - it's likely not actually about you, but more about his own insecurities and fear of getting hurt. Pushing too hard right now could just push him further away.

The most important thing is to be patient and consistent. Let him know your door is open whenever he's ready, but don't beg or try to force anything. Focus on taking care of yourself in the meantime.

If he does come back around, try to have an open and honest conversation about his needs and how you both can work on building more trust and communication in the relationship. But for now, just give him the space he's asking for. Trying to fix things when he's this emotionally guarded probably won't end well.

Hang in there, dude. I know it's not easy, but you're doing the right thing by giving him space and not chasing him. Hopefully he'll come around, but if not, you gotta do what's best for you. Stay strong.

Staximus · Accepted Answer

If he wanted to talk to you right away so bad, he could have made a phone call instead of texting like a bitch boy. You're not his servant.  You don't have to jump every time he texts. Fuck that guy.

rosemilk · Accepted Answer

he's acting like a child. any reasonable adult would have understood your explanation...

don't put all this blame on yourself for having a life and being busy that you couldn't respond to him right away. that's ridiculous. no need to feel guilty! and stop calling it a mistake for not responding in a timeframe that would make him happy. another ridiculous expectation.

you didn't blow any chances. if anything, this may be a bigger wake up call that maybe this guy isn't serious about being with you. his reaction says it all. if he was really into you, he'd be understanding, not blow up over how many minutes it takes to respond, etc. this is not how healthy relationships work.

i think you really need to think about if you see yourself with a guy like this in the future. people like this are not good partners. there will be many more situations like this from him in the future. you will always feel on edge. i know how it feels to always be on edge, having to check my phone constantly to avoid a blowup argument, and this is just from my emotionally abusive mother. i'll be damned if i allow someone else to do this to themselves. so please... just let him go