I jumped into conclusions and accused my boyfriend of cheating. How do I fix this?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend lied to me about seeing his ex last year and as a result I’ve been having major trust issues. He has his location turned on but I’ve been avoiding to check. Today I was feeling extra anxious because it’s his ex’s birthday so I checked, and I saw that he was at a cafe that he frequently goes to with his ex and he didn’t respond to my text or call for hours. So then I left it at that and immediately thought that he was with his ex again. I packed up and left, put my phone on do not disturb.

He then started calling me because we were supposed to go out tonight but I ignored him. Then I just sent him the screenshot of his location (the cafe) and said I need time to compose myself after this betrayal. He got mad at me for accusing him and said that he was with his mom all day grocery shopping (not far from the cafe) and he wasn’t even at the cafe and that the location tracking can be faulty. I checked with his mom and she confirmed. Now he’s super hurt because I accused him of still lying and wants to break up. I know I was wrong for jumping into conclusion, but at the same time I know I reacted out of fear after his past lies… but the thing is, the location showed he was idle at the cafe for hours then it moved to the grocery store then back to the cafe.

I’ve already took accountability of my mistakes and apologized. I was honest with him about my insecurity and that I checked his location.

[Anonymous]

Trust your gut. My ex’s mom and sister covered for him when I had suspicions of his ex, and not only did he cheat but he’d been talking to her for weeks and even brought her around his mom and sis for an event I couldn’t go to one night. This felt like the ultimate betrayal because I thought I was close with those women. I’m talking holidays together, cooking meals together or for each other. His sister was a year younger than me and was one of my closest friends. I thought they’d have the respect and maybe even the love for me to tell me what he was doing but in the end that’s they’re family and they will have his back. I really thought his mom was no BS too. She would get mad at him even if he was a bit rude to me, say that’s not how she raised him. I thought she wanted him to respect women. Now I know to trust my gut always.

[Asker]

Honestly I know not to the trust his sister because I feel like she’ll cover for him even though his sister and I are pretty close. But I do feel like I can trust his mom. He even told me to call the cafe and asked them to show cctv footage to prove that he wasn’t there. Idk…

I think I’ll leave it for a bit to cool off, I’m too emotional and anxious to think straight right now and I don’t even know what my gut is telling me…

I’m so sorry you had to go through that betrayal though, I can relate to your situation. I hope things are better now for you!

[Opinion Owner]

I don't know, suggesting you ask for cctv on top of being so emotional and threatening to breakup all feels kind of gaslight-y. You’re not trying to have trust issues but at the same time you know what you saw and being honest that sounds pretty sketch. Knowing it was his ex’s bday and her favorite cafe. He knows you wouldn’t ask for cctv, that’s so extreme and would make you look crazy. Regardless though I get where you’re coming from 100%, and I promise I am not trying to give you doubts or project my situation onto you. It’s totally different. I guess I would just say not to gaslight yourself in times where it’s fair to question things. Coming from a woman who’s not in your direct circle, I don't know about other times but this time you aren’t wrong to feel suspicious. Just wanted to validate that for you. Also thank you so much hun! This happened back in 2019, that’s when we broke up. I started dating someone new in 2022 and it’s like night and day lol. I’ve been reluctant to get close with his mom due to my past experience but I’m working on that. I hope you get the best ending possible whether it’s with him or someone else, you deserve that much🤍

[Asker]

I actually did ask for cctv and showed pictures of my guy and his ex to the staff, they said they didn’t see either of them. Might as well go all out with acting “crazy” lol

Thank you, I know I was also justified in feeling suspicious especially since he has a history of lying so it’s not all on me. I think I’m going to have a proper heart to heart conversation with him once we’re both cooled off a bit.

Aw I’m glad you found your happy ending though, you deserve it! I can see why you’ll be reluctant to get close to his mom after what you’ve been through, that’s totally understandable. I do hope we both get the best ending, stay awesome xx

[Opinion Owner]

That’s wild! Seriously what a coincidence, I think anyone would’ve been sketched out, with the timing and everything. But ultimately I’m glad that wasn’t the case, hopefully things get sorted once you’re able to have that heart to heart. Good luck with this going forward 🤍

[Anonymous]

If you don’t trust him then move on. No point in being together if there’s no trust. When an argument happens this is going to be one of the first things you throw at him. Why live in anxiety? Move on. Just say ok. Right now you’re damaged. Even going into another relationship you’re going to be damaged as far as trust. So you need to get help w being able to get past that so nothing like this happens on your next relationship.

[jahaims]

You don't. You don't trust your partner so you shouldn't be with them

[Twalli]

All you can do is what you've done.