Is religion a deal-breaker in a relationship?

[kelseekay14]

Is religion a deal-breaker in a relationship? If so, which one would be the hardest to deal with?

[RichardBoehner]

It depends if they're not a hypocrite. Most followers of abrahamic religions are. Christianity, for instance, is an entire religion based on one simple, batshit crazy idea, that jesus christ died for your sins, intentionally, somehow had the gift of foresight to see his own death and did literally nothing to stop it, because somehow it would take away the sins of the assholes who had him strung up, nailed to a plank, whipped and stabbed because he's just a swell guy and into turning the other cheek like that. Why? Because they all believe he's the messiah, even though in the very text they read from every day, he is asked that very assertion in a direct question and denies that point as an outright rumor, stating "you have said this", denying having said being the son of god, despite at many other occasions he has stated we are ALL children of god. To me, that a religion could pretend to even follow someones teachings and completely delude themselves into believing the teacher they tortured and murdered had planned their bigotous, ignorant actions from the start as part of a grand plant to resolve them from any responsibility... Well thats just fucking despicable. But if you're interested in the teachings of christ, loving thy neighbor, be like children and whatnot, thats alright then, just as long as you're not murdering people, imposing your beliefs on them, or arguing about whether or not he had magical powers, because regardless of whether he did it doesn't make his teachings any more or less valid. The other aspect of abrahamic religions i can't stand is the constant making god out to be benevolent and fair all the time, there's clearly points in the bible where he destroys a tower and because, and this is what he says literally word for word, "i am a jealous god". Or that time he fucked with Job, relentlessly tormenting his most loyal follower, simply to prove to one of his angels that Job wouldn't lose faith in someone he clearly should have never trusted.

[DodgersGM]

It really depends on whether or not the religion helps to make her a better human being. I think a lot of people (both religious and non-religious) overlook that far too often when judging others and making decisions about compatibility of ANY kind.

I'd want to know how her religious beliefs impacted her humanity, how it fueled her compassion, how it worked n conjunction with and influenced her views on life and love, and I'd want to know if she had not just acceptance, but also the innate ability to embrace and encourage people whose views on religion aren't exactly like her own.

All of that stuff is FAR more important to me than which god she prays (or does not pray) to.

[Mesonfielde]

Fun fact, I have a Catholic friend and you have just perfectly summed up what makes her as awesome as she is. Because that is exactly what her religious beliefs and faith helped and did - fuel her passions and compassion, give motivation to be tolerant and accepting, and open to the views of others. It is really interesting to know her knowing that despite the christian stigma, it can have positive effects too. It really is down to the individual what they make of their religion.

[kangy]

i agreed totally

[Terminal_Access]

Absolutely agree, could not have put that better myself!

[Mesonfielde]

That is a very well-deserved MH

[DodgersGM]

Thanks for MH! :-)

[TheLastGirlScout]

Absolutely not, I don't believe in any sort of deity or idol but I don't have anything against those who do., as long as it is always a positive force within their lives and that it doesn't cause them to judge others based on their beliefs. I'd be very happy to debate with them, but I wouldn't be with someone who tried to force their beliefs on me. I think I would have more of a problem if they were Catholic I suppose, I have a lot of issues with them compared to most Christians, but I don't have tick boxes of things which mean I don't like a person, I try and take each individual as I find them and each one interprets their faith differently too... I suppose if I was to have one issue, I'm still not sure I could be with someone who believes that a book written more than two thousand years ago, but various authors, is in any way factually accurate... There's having faith and then there's just being silly...

[Anonymous]

I am a Christian and I will say it would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. Anyone is welcome to disagree with me all they want but I fully believe that those who have not accepted Jesus will not be accepted into heaven after death, and it would be devastating to know that my husband is not going there as well.

[MrScTi]

Oh boo hoo.

[Opinion Owner]

MrScTi Uh ok... Don't know why you're singling me out from everyone else who gave their honest opinions (actually I do) but I think it's pretty clear who's really being the baby here.

[justbanANNAz]

for me yeah. I'm not gonna say which ones hardest to deal with lol

[Mesonfielde]

It depends on which one it is and what they are trying to enforce on you or would enforce on your children, and so in order, Islam is the first one that I wouldn't even give a chance, and the next is devout Catholic Christian (but they have much better chances, depending on how much they are actually Christian and just using it as an excuse to feel better about themselves relative to all other infidel scum).

I believe in self-governance and freedom of choice while maximizing benefits and minimizing harm, so anyone who would want to force my kids to be circumcised or expect me to pray to their deity every day and every night is a no-no.

[Mesonfielde]

And not just using it as an excuse*

[DodgersGM]

Yeah, I truly believe that the root of it all can be (and should be, and is meant to be) a tool for love. Forgive my brief moment of pollyanna, but that's really all (and everything) that this life is about: giving love to one another.

Anyway, you're very lucky to have such a great friend; I believe that's something that also speaks to who YOU are as a person as well. :-) Hang on to that one! :-)

[Mesonfielde]

Indeed, she's awesome. Whenever I write up something as negative as I did above, all I can think of "it's a shame that so many Christians aren't like her".

[jesseray]

If she is willing to date an atheist and is willing to make a strong commitment to raising any potential children in a secular household -- by which I mean that no system of metaphysics would be taught to them as being the truth so they can make up their own minds when they are older -- then religion will almost certainly not be a deal breaker for me.

The only exception is when she believes in Islam. I would not be able to trust her to remain faithful to the commitment on how to raise the children, because she would be very likely to wake up one day and think, "I will now act in accordance with Sharia" and abandon the commitment she made. In short, I wouldn't be able to trust her.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the religious attitude, I am a bit anti-religious because I dislike stupidity, bigotry and anti common sense.
Very religious peoples often qualifies in those categories, however if she is religious without an attitude, if she except others thinks and feels differently without trying to convert everybody then no problem.

If only all Christians where actually following the Bible, then no problem - unfortunately many don't, they become the-party members and the likes, trying to force there world order on the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Sort of, I am a Christian and desire to have a Christian wife, unless she partakes in another religion or none at all and is willing to eventually accept Christ as her Lord and Savior. I want to also raise Christian children.

What is an absolute deal breaker is if she is a virgin or not. She must be a virgin because I am one myself. This is completely unrelated to my Christian faith, in fact, Jesus would frown upon that expectation because it is unforgiving. It is just for emotional reasons as to why and is an absolute must.

[Opinion Owner]

Jesus Christ is Lord; he is risen.

[HandsomeRaj]

Deal breaker? Not for me :)

Just as long as she's not a fanatic who's hell bent upon waking up, bathing, cooking, eating etc the way religion demands or recommends - practices her own and leaves me to my won

Is that you in the pic? Wow you are a real life Barbie - wonder why they made that girl Valeria Lukyanova went through all those procedures, you could have gone in for it w/o any surgeries :D

[willroyle]

for me yes, im atheist and very anti-religion. in any relationship there has to be at least common values even if there isn't common interests. if I went on a date and found them to be religious id have to politely extract myself from the situation, apposing views like that would only ever lead to horrible arguments later down the road.

[Scarecrow13]

Yes, if you do not share my belief it would be a deal-breaker as that would cause too many problems down the road, the same with completely different political views. I am fine with having diverse friends with different views, but I think a relationship requires some common beliefs.

[Anonymous]

depends, i hate religion, and people who believe in gods annoy me, a girlfriend can believe in what she wants just as long as it doesn't interfere with the relationship or be an excuse to do or not do for whatever reasons otherwise its a deal-breaker

[UPENDRA123]

Ya obviousely. because then dont have support from ur family. they will stand against u.

[Anonymous]

The lack of religion would be a deal breaker for me. I would need someone who has morals and self-respect. Most non-religious people sleep around these days, and that's a big red flag that they aren't life-time marriage material.

[Mesonfielde]

You don't *need* to be religious in order to have "morals and self-respect".

[Opinion Owner]

That is true, but it sure is rare nowadays among secular people.

[Opinion Owner]

I just took offense at this question, which was simply an excuse to bash religion.

[jesseray]

Nothing about the question suggests that bashing would be welcome or acceptable.

[Theguywhomadeurday]

For me it is.
I want a liberal minded person in my life , nit biased towards anything.

[zombiebabe]

yeah its just a fucking deal breaker... grrrrr

[Anonymous]

would not date a religious girl