My mom wants me to marry a RICH man but?

[CompressorStall]

My mom says I should break it off and become just friends with my boyfriend who is a private in the army. But I'm not shallow, and do you think it is easy to get married to a rich guy? I really like my boyfriend, he is kind, sensitive, protective and funny. I'm not even flying a B747 yet and I am just going for my private pilot license in a small aircraft. No idea why she thinks I am entitled to rich, 6 ft+, young men. What can I tell her without pissing her off that I'm not a gold digger she wants me to be?

Updates

+1 y

Who knows, maybe 10 years later, I may be a first officer of a B747 and my boyfriend would rise to be a lieutenant? Of course, people don't start out flying B747 straight away in theie training just like soldiers don't start out as General straight away.

Updates

+1 y

She says he is getting low pay at the moment as a private, which I don't even care about.

[mooky06]

My mum is Asian (Cambodian) and she has told me the same thing. She rather me be single and get married to a rich man. The thing is she wants my future partner to be able to take care of any financial situations to live a happy, carefree life. She is very traditional, but she simply can't think that way anymore. Every time she has told me that, I tell her "Mum, I'll be happy with knowing that I love someone for them and not there money. I'm pretty sure whom ever I marry will take care of me" and she hasn't said anything. She knows I'm in a relationship with my current boyfriend. She accepts it for what it is.

Normally parents who say this just want you to live a happy, carefree life (not like how they did) and she is looking out for you. But what I figured out is that my mother doesn't know how love works anymore.

[CompressorStall]

OMG, my mom is Asian too. What's with Asians being "gold diggers"? I thought it was just a stereotype, but looking at some other Asian countries, it seems most likely to be true. Not all women dream of being married to rich men. I want to work hard, get money and feel the satisfaction of spending the money.

[mooky06]

I KNOWWW RIGHTTT!!! I think some Asian stereotypes are valid lol but yeah apart of the reason why is that our parents (mother in this situation) don't want us to suffer and make sacrifices like they have for us. Which makes sense, i think all mothers want to give their chiildren a happy life. But like you said, I would like to experience working and earning my own money. And learning to grow as a person. I wouldn't want to rely on someone and their money..

[SexyStudent]

I am going to throw some gasoline to this fire. And I don't wish to argue with you. I don't care who you marry. Rich poor tall short who cares. But I will tell you one thing at age 19 you are too young to make a decision on who you're going to be with the rest of your life. Now everyone is going to come in and say that's not true that's because everybody age 19 thinks they're very mature. Everybody needs time to grow and you are no exception. The mistake is not rich or poor state is when you make the decision

[CompressorStall]

I'm too young to get married. I just want a healthy relationship with my boyfriend.

[SexyStudent]

Then you really of answered your own question. All you want is a healthy relationship. So it doesn't matter whether he's wealthy or not. It matters to have a healthy relationship and that is nothing to do with money. Tell your mother that you actually explained it to me quite well. I'm 25 years old in graduate school I'm considered very intelligent but my mother calls me every once in a while to make sure I'm wearing warm clothing. She wants to know she should send me food. "Mom I don't need food there are restaurants here if I get hungry." What I'm saying is parents worry about their children. Your mother doesn't want to close her eyes and see you on welfare starving to death. So naturally she wants you to marry a wealthy guy so he will take care of you. That's the way mothers are. Your come back to me was just what you should take your own Mom. And always wear clean underwear because if you get hurt and have to go to the hospital you don't want to be embarrassed. lol

[ElissaDido]

I've never seriously discussed this with my parents, but god... I hope I would never be put in such a situation! I do think that my Mom wants me to marry someone who can financially support my future family but I don't know if she wants him to be rich af :/
I think you should follow your heart on this one... I mean, your boyfriend might not be Bill Gates' son but he has a job, he's not homeless or unemployed.

[MikenotIke2]

I'd consider what your mom sees in your boyfriend before you assume she wants you to be a gold digger. I'm not sure how well your mom knows your boyfriend, but I can guess not too well. She probably imagines that you dating a private in the army means he will be away for long periods of time and won't be able to support you/be a stable boyfriend. I'd just tell your mom how much you like your boyfriend and that wealth doesn't matter to you, she'll get the idea.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but your mom sounds like a monster. Just tell her to buzz off it's your love life not hers.

And yeah marrying rich is kind of hard. Money likes to stay with money. As in most rich guys also still want another rich person for their partner. To build their wealth more and to avoid gold diggers.

[CompressorStall]

I don't know why she is deluded into thinking rich guys are so easy to get. My mom was pretty when she was younger, and if she was so smart and knows how to play her cards, how did she end up with my dad, who isn't the best looking guy in the world, short and isn't rich at all (my dad has a massive heart and beautiful personality though). Maybe she wants her dreams to live onto me. Marry a rich guy, get into a beauty pageant and become an accountant. I didn't even want to be an accountant. I remembered when she reckons I'll never get into aviation and become a student pilot. She was wrong.

I don't know why she thinks she has a say in my love life. I wish she would stop dictating it. Every time I talk about how sweet my boyfriend is, she jumps into saying how a good friend he is or she would ask me how my guy friend is. She starts talking about our "friendship" and all and that we are only friends. It is so annoying.

[Alayio]

I'm in the same situation. I understand my mother's perspective because she wants me to have a financially stable future, but we love who we love for a reason. And I'd much rather get married to a person's soul than their wallet.

[CompressorStall]

She wants me to marry a rich guy that will support financially my career and pay for every thing. She gets delusional and even daydreams about me being married to some random billionaire's son.

[Pat8707]

Well, tell her exactly that. Tell her that you aren't a gold digger, that you have respect for yourself, and that you like your boyfriend the way he is. Also, don't tell your boyfriend if you haven't already, it could lead to problems between he and your mother.

[Anonymous]

Marry who you want, but for crying out loud, give it a few more years. You're still too young for it.

It is unlikely anyone in the military will ever make much money and your mother is basically just trying to advocate that you get the social and financial security. Which is understandable but certainly not her choice.

[dominiquois]

Do what YOU want to do. Its your life, not your mom's.

[CompressorStall]

What should I tell her to get her to listen to me? Every time I mention my boyfriend she will ask me how my friend was, how my friendship with him was going and how we are just friends. She says I need to find man that will support me financially in my career. She keeps getting delusional about me marry dome billionaire's son all the time.

[dominiquois]

She needs to chill the fuck out with that. Like I said in the end, you're the one who will be making the decision.

[ClassicRocker]

Yeah my dad told me to marry a woman with DD breasts, tiny waist, masters degree, and at least 10 years my junior.

[CompressorStall]

How come men don't experience the same catty drama as women? One of the reasons why being a woman is the worst thing ever in the world for me to accept.

[ClassicRocker]

That sounds like a personal choice you're making to hang out with women instead of men:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xspEM2PoJOU

[Hades77]

Tell her you're not a gold digger! Tell her she's a gold digger. You be you.

[Tarvold]

So long as I keep hearing stories like this, I don't feel so bad when I hear stories of middle aged men divorcing their wives for a younger model.

[SimpleShyGirl]

Tell her love is more important to you, she may thinks she knows what's best but you gotta let her know she isn't always right.

[lime_rampljuset]

She wants you to accomplish what she couldn't. She failed, now she wants you to repair that failure. Don't let that weak mind to corrupt yours, stay with your boyfriend.

[Prettygurl12]

6'+ guys aren't that hard to come by lol they're not rare or a novelty. And 6' isn't really all that tall.

But... have you tried just telling her no?

[CompressorStall]

I did. Every time I mention my boyfriend she will ask me how my friend was, how my friendship with him was going and how we are just friends. She says I need to find man that will support me financially in my career. She keeps getting delusional about me marry dome billionaire's son all the time.

He is 5'9 and I am 5'7 but I DGAF because he is taller than me already. Funny how she is 5'4 and was constantly looking for guys 6'+ back in her heydays.

[Prettygurl12]

So just ignore her. Marry him and let her just deal.

[sailorjupiter]

you are 19... so the future is still a blur to you. just go with the flow, be with your boyfriend and see how clear he is in your future. it's your life anyway

[whitegato777]

the military is good for building character and discipline. you're not going to find somebody your age thats rich.

[Anonymous]

Rich people tend to have very high standards for people who aren't also rich. Rich, nice, 6'+ and handsome, you're better off asking for a pet unicorn.

[CompressorStall]

She was going off by how short he is too
I don't GAF that he is 5'9 and I'm 5'7. At least he is taller than me. As she is 5'4, I don't even know why she thought she was entitles to 6'+ at that time. And what will the tall 5'10+ women get?

[redeyemindtricks]

I'm 6'2" and my 5'11"ish husband still makes me feel like a tiny little bitty delirious little girl, when I'm standing next to him, even after 16 years together.

The height thing is bullshit, by the way. It's just a proxy for "I want a man who makes me feel protected and safe in his presence -- a man who's a leader, in all the good ways, in our relationship".
That's what it REALLY stands for.
You find a man who has those qualities, you'll discover pretty damn fast that it doesn't make a lick of difference whether he's actually taller than you, or over six foot, or over whatever other arbitrary line yr short-sighted mother wants to whore you out to.

[Opinion Owner]

@redeyemindtricks you're quite wise

[Anonymous]

Your mom is telling you the same thing my x girl friends mom told her back in the day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iyeUcFKRv4

[CompressorStall]

She keeps reminding me how I am his friend and keeps mentioning our friendship or this is just a friendship. It is very irritating. She's doing nothing to break us up, she has no power to, but it is so irritating how she sometimes tries to talk me into being in a relationship with a guy who would support my education, has a nice, big House and is super rich. Why does she think rich guys are easy to get?

[Opinion Owner]

Why does she think a rich guy would treat you better than an average guy?

[Intraluminal]

My mother used to say, "it's as easy to love a rich man as a poor man."

[redeyemindtricks]

Dude, that doesn't exactly help. lol

[Intraluminal]

@redeyemindtricks

It kind of was and wasn't meant to help in the direct sense

[Peelikeafrog]

Your mom wants you to be a whore! Sell yourself for money, not love. I guess you wouldn't be the first superficial woman to do that.

[Anonymous]

Rich is better you would have all you want and nothing stop you to cheating on him when he is not here

[BangBadBxtches]

OP, are you some kind of Asian?

[dominiquois]

lol...

[BangBadBxtches]

@dominiquois Are you?

[CompressorStall]

Yes I am Asian. Asian parents...

[BangBadBxtches]

Lol, knew it. Narcissistic Asian parents strike again.

[BangBadBxtches]

You should be glad you probably don't like black guys, you would get much worse from your parents than "break it off and become just friends".

[dominiquois]

@dominiquois No I'm not Asian

[BangBadBxtches]

@dominiquois What are you?

[dominiquois]

I'm Native American

[BangBadBxtches]

@dominiquois Native Americans are technically Asian.

[dominiquois]

We're much more ancient than modern Asians and we don't share the same values.

[CompressorStall]

I think Asians worship Whites. I think they would be proud of their daughter married a white. Not picky with whites either. Very high standards for Asian guys and you are right. They will give me shit for dating a black guy. Though I find some black guys attractive. I won't mind dating black guys, they are funny, but he would have to be very attractive black guys.

[BangBadBxtches]

Conversation switch, are you very attractive? What makes you think you are entitled to very attractive guys if you aren't yourself?

[Intraluminal]

@dominiquois

LOL. Everyone is equally ancient unless you're not descended from humans.

[dominiquois]

That was simplistic. The genetic strain of Native Americans is older than the genetic strain of modern Asians because they split away such a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

Your mom sounds like a bitch

[apple24]

Girl your grown act like it!