My boyfriend is too dependent on me and it's annoying me?

[jenjenn07]

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 months. A little background, he lives 30 minutes away from me and he doesn't have a car so I'm basically the one driving back and forth. It's frustrating not going to lie. At first it was cool but after constantly driving back and forth I'm annoyed. Which makes it hard for us to hangout because I work in the mornings then go to the gym at night which leaves no time to go and hangout with him. I like having my own lifestyle and doing my own thing but my boyfriend seems to get upset and whenever we don't see eachother he texts me he feels "lost" without me and that he misses me a lot. It kinda scares me that he feels lost without me meaning he's waaaaaay too dependent on me and it scares me even more if one day I break up with him he's going to be a mess. What should I do? HELP ME. any advice would be helpful!

[bbch25]

Well, honestly, you chose to have a relationship so you MAKE time for him, even if that means you skip the gym one evening a week or cancel something here or there. So that is on you a bit to make time. My SO lives 2.5 hours away, and that drive feels like nothing because I know I get to see him at the other end.

You should ask what he means by lost. Perhaps he's trying to be cute, perhaps it's just his way of saying he misses you (which is perfectly fair after a couple months to be developing strong feelings and want them around). Doesn't mean he's sitting there sucking his thumb and lost in the world.

But I can see where you're coming from too, sometimes I just want to play devils advocate. And if it makes you uncomfortable you should tell him that. And ask what he means, even say that he's moving too fast or something (so don't outright call him a creep or anything). But yes, some guys like that aren't just being cute or whatever and actually can be quite scary, so you should say something now I think.

[jenjenn07]

of course I knew what I was getting myself into when I got in a relationship and it was cool driving at first just to see him I get you. But after awhile of constantly doing it, it gets tiring and he says he's going to get a car blah blah and instead of seeing him trying to save up I see he wastes his money on weed and beer.. would that make you want to waste gas just to see someone not trying to progress in life? And yeah I agree maybe he isn't just sitting around feeling lost or whatever but he's told me before that if I were to break up with him he'd cry and be a complete mess. which leaves me feeling like crap:/

[bbch25]

Ah, well the alcohol and drugs does change things. For me, I am the one that drives to my SO every single time. But I can also tell him that it's just more comfortable for us both to be at his place and we get to spend more time together when I do. He usually takes me out to dinner or a bar to buy me a drink. Every weekend for 3 months and still really happy with it.

But no, in that case I say should definitely talk to him about all of this. And sucks that he's said that to you. I mean I'd totally cry and be a mess for a little bit, but doesn't mean I'd like kill myself or something, so I guess it could still be taken 2 ways with what he means. But he does seem like the type to be perhaps using you a little then.

[Tephra]

Why don't you guys just meet up somewhere instead? Just meet each other half way. If his not willing to put in some effort then there is something wrong; A relationship isn't a one sided situation where one person has to do all the work and effort, its a two way thing, it's balancing both ends of the relationship. You just have to try and make him put in some effort as well, sounds like a lot of stress your under! :( Why don't you take him to the gym with you if his interested in it? If you starting to get annoyed and stressed out with his behaviour its best to just dump him. Like I said he has to put in some effort as well! :/

[BellePepper]

Eeeeeeeee... that would be too much for me. You need to be making decisions abotu what's best for you. Not what's best for him. If he's really in a place where breaking up after two months is going to turn him into a mess he shouldn't be in a relationship anyway.

[jenjenn07]

it's annoying. honestly I feel like he would because he's told me that he would cry if I break up with him.. he makes me feel bad and in a way obligated to be with him so I won't hurt him

[BellePepper]

That's emotional abuse. Get out. He knows he's manipulating you.

[jenjenn07]

you think soo? :(

[BellePepper]

Yeah I do. liveboldandbloom.com/.../signs-of-emotional-abuse

[Jaden69]

People are saying dump him and leave him, which isn't really good advice. I see two things right now, which make your boyfriend dependent on you.

1. He seems free, doesn't have a job, or other hobbies.
2. You are busy and have a hobby like the gym, therefore you don't need him to be by your side all the time.

Maybe ask him to go job searching? Or maybe he can go to the gym. The gym is my outlet for stress from working and school. If he gets busy or consumed with anything else, he'll be less reliant on you

[jenjenn07]

he has an internship with he barely started so that's been helping in a way but his hobby after work is to smoke weed and drink... which as you can see mine is the complete opposite:(

[Jaden69]

Both of your priorities are quite off. I avoid being pessimistic, but these different interests may conflict in your future. One of you may have to compromise, or just break up and find someone with similar interests.

[jenjenn07]

I agree.. I'm trying not to give up but maybe it would be best to break it off

[MrNameless]

You need to tell him how you feel. That you think he's way too dependent on you, and needs to find his own independence.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't he bike? Tell him to ride a really good bike

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks

[pr3ttybr0wn]

dump him he's a loser, find a real man

[idkwtftoputhere]

can't he just take a bus?

[bcromartie]

Leave him.

[Anonymous]

Dump him