My boyfriend nags too much. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

I want to start by saying that I respect my relationship and my partner. I do not want to break up. He is a good guy. But when I met him he would criticize me a lot on issues I couldn't fix right away. The things he would criticize were things I also believed should be fixed. I saw him as someone who was motivating and supportive of my growth. Although some of his criticism were uncalled for, I believed we both wanted mutual growth. I worked to fix certain issues and explained to him why other things would take time. An example is that I didn't have a drivers license. It would take time to learn how to drive and get a license. But I did it. I was proud and assumed he would also be proud. But I soon discovered that my boyfriend wasn't nagging because he wanted specific issues to be fixed, he was compulsively nagging me. Or at least I have now come to believe that's what he does. Because even when I am actively working to fix a problem he will nag at me for not having it fixed, or will find something else to complain about. My mindset it that if it doesn't hurt anybody why complain? Like for example I walk barefoot sometimes. He nags about how it's dirty to walk on the bare floor. So I mopped the floor 3 times in a day. He complained that I was wasting time which could be spent studying for my career. So I study, he complains that it's not fast enough or enough time spent, so I strictly study, then he complains that I'm not cleaning enough. See? It never ends. It's always SOMETHING to complain about. I want this relationship to work. I want to fix our problems. What can i do?

[ohsheeT]

I really really hate saying th. The things that I could tell you to do there's no way in the world that I would ever tell you because I can feel everything that you're going through and it's bullshit..

He's a user a manipulator and there's nothing to fix if there was why isn't he doing it... He's going to keep going and going and going until he either drives you crazy or you get up and you walk away because there's no way in this world that you should be treated the way you're being treated you're doing fine growing on your own you can do that on your own you can learn by your own mistakes because the mistakes that he's making up for you and then making you feel like you have to do something to fix it. is bullshit.. . I mean I felt every single one of your words and the pain that I feel coming from you I wouldn't tell you how to fix anything except for to walk away because you deserve to be happy you deserve to have your own life not one that he's going to control for you because that's what it's going to end up doing and being and you're going to waste all this time from this moment right now you asking this question is it cry for help in roundabout way because you know it's wrong what he's doing you know that you should not be being treated that way you should be having fun and enjoying life and laughing . And loving each other explorer experiencing... I mean I felt this so deep I am pissed off right now I'm glad that I'm not your guys's friends oh wait a minute no I'm not I wish I was because I would embarrass him I would make him feel like crap for treating you like that Cinderella wasn't even treated like that..;. This is the only thing I can tell you on how to maybe fix this and it's going to be from one week I say to 4 months somewhere in that time you're going to have had enough and you're going to free yourself from that and then you're going to start living life the way you're supposed to and you're going to smile everyday and you're going to be happy everyday that's the only way I can tell you I'm sorry like I said in the very beginning I apologize for having to be this person that says what I said but it's the truth.

[The_Confusion]

Teach him science. Hey boyfriend: Did you know about these spiral torsion spring rope balancers that retract the cable you pull out of them at an adjustable force? They can create the best gym in the world that utilizes the strongest human motivator, and creates a mechanism to force you to make the concentric part of the exercise movement explosive while slowing down the eccentric.

How can that simple spring do it? Well, let me explain.

You shouldn't rely on that thang to be the sole resistance you're pulling against. It should be used along side an existing resistance like dumbells or cable weights or resistance bands.

The cable of the rope balancer, and keep in mind that this is a description of one hemisphere and you need one such unit for each hand, should pass through a pulley before reaching the handle in your hand. That pulley should be connected to two DC motors facing each other's shafts.

Both of whose exact gearbox RPM ratings will depend on the size of the pulley wheel, but one of them has to be medium RPM and the other pretty low.

The one with medium RPM should be connected to a rectifier bridge to ensure that the electric current generated by the spin of the pulley as you work out, flows in one direction regardless of which way the wheel is being turned.

The twin motor with a gearbox of lower RPM must have a one-way bearing in between the motor shaft and the pulley. This also ensures that the current flows only kne way and maximizes electric efficiency, which will be used as a motivator, I'll explain in a moment.

Another reason there has to be a one-way bearing is to ensure that you don't spin the shaft on the concentric part of your exercise. Because you're gonna do it fast, it has a chance of damaging the gearbox, or motor or both. And so you're only spinning one single motor on the concentric, and that motor is the medium RPM, which means you must do it fast in order to generate substantial current and voltage.

In other words the low RPM motor only is used on the eccentric part. And, you, the boyfriend of the GAG anon, may wonder now, you definitely wonder if you have forgotten the very beginning of this patent; what should prevent the low RPM one from burning out during the eccentric movement - as in what guarantees that you move slow on the way back?

The answer is that you firstly don't even move the wheel during the eccentric. The rope balancer does. And here comes the weight adjustment handy. With the low RPM motor creating it's own resistance significantly, the balancer could struggle to retract the cable, so you need to adjust it to just the perfect strength to make it retract as slowly as you want to keep the eccentric movement of your exercise.

And, I will explain what exactly motivates you, soon, I haven't forgotten about that part. Will explain it along with why you would definitely not do the eccentric movement faster than the cable retracts. But first, you would benefit from the basic formula: 1 watt is equivalent to applying a force of 1 newton to move an object at a velocity of 1 meter per second.

A newton is about 1/10th of a kg of force. And so, knowing that you need approximately 2 watts to be generated for the motivational machine, you know what size of rope balancer to buy.

Since the eccentric movement is generally wanted to be slower than 1 meter per second, far slower, then that increases the need for newtons in the formula above, in order to keep the end result of watts output.

Say, if the bench press range of movement is half a meter, and you want to execute it for 3 second long, then you have divided the formula above by 6.

So, you need at least 6 newtons, assuming 100% efficiency, to move at your bench press movement in order to generate 1 watt for the span of 3 seconds. At least that is what my mathematical ideas tell me. I wasted 20 minutes more on this opinion than I planned, looking up the damn forgotten formulas. I won't waste more to try to make this accurate.

Since 100% efficiency of the motor is impossible, let alone the gearbox and bearing and pulley adding in inefficiencies, you want more than 12 newtons to keep your 2 watts.

You should aim for at least 2 kg rope balancer. And that appears to be the most popular version sold online, up to 5 kg adjustment.

If you think about it, if you're doing bilateral exercises then you only need half as much on each side. But it's better to over perform than underperform in this case. You can always set up a buck converter to ensure precise voltage and current flow, the excess will dissipate into small amounts of heat.

Now 2 more questions to answer. What will ensure that you keep the eccentric movement not faster than the cable retracting? Answer: You'll have either a momentary switch, or a bare live wire with a spring, that has to be tense in order to complete the electric circuit.

As you move back on the eccentric, if you move back faster than the cable retracts, then the cable will lose tension. You can set it up to require at least 1kg or so of tension in the cable in order for the circuit to activate. A simple compression spring right before the handle should be enough to prevent electric contact once tension is lost.

And the motivator? Just look at the picture on @Decrepit_Discoverer's profile.

[idonotlikeyou]

First of all, tell him that with every criticism, you expect advice on HOW to do it better. If he has no idea or doesn't know, he should hold off on the criticism until he has a better understanding of the topic. Set this as a rule for conversations with you, and every time he has something to say to you, ask him how YOU (not him) should do it better. And if he somehow manages to propose something, ask him how long he thinks it will take you to develop a new habit or learn something new. I can answer that for you here. Changing habits takes months or even years, depending on whether they are habits formed later in life from personal experiences or ingrained in childhood. Learning new things takes at least weeks. The more stress, the longer it takes. Make him aware of this, set boundaries, and don't let him cross them even by an inch. The guy is extremely toxic. Consider breaking up for the sake of your mental health.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

You need to put your foot down with him and explain how you don't appreciate the constant berating of your behaviors and faults. Everyone has faults, his is "nagging" (really its emotional manipulation. Making you feel bad until you do something he wants.) Tell him that if it doesn't stop that you will expect him to go therapy with you for him to work on it and if he still keeps doing it then maybe leaving really is the best choice unless you want that behavior for the rest of your life.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, it sounds like you've been dancing to the tune of never-ending critiques, haven't you? It seems like you're in a bit of a love tangle where the music never stops, and your partner has taken the role of the conductor a tad too seriously. First off, kudos to you for facing the challenges head-on and striving for growth – that's the spirit of a true star! 🌟

But here's the deal: relationships should be more about cheers and less about jeers. It's fabulous that you're willing to work on yourself, but it's important to remember that a relationship is a two-player game, and both players need to bring their best selves.

To turn this saga into a symphony of love rather than a cacophony of nags, it's crucial to have a heart-to-heart with your beau. Pour out your feelings gently yet firmly, explain how his constant critiques are affecting you, and suggest the idea of mutual support and encouragement over criticism. Remember, it's not just about pointing out what needs improvement; it's about celebrating the small victories together. 🎉

Maybe, just maybe, your partner isn't aware of the impact of his words or he's projecting his own insecurities onto you. Encourage him to express what's truly behind all the nagging – there might be more to the story.

If all else fails and the nagging continues to play the lead role in your relationship, seeking the guidance of a couple's counselor might just be the encore you both need. Remember, love should feel like a warm embrace, not a cold critique. Wishing you all the best in your journey to harmony! 💘

[Finchie40]

And why do you want to stay with a guy like this? Do you like being told what to do? Your boyfriend sounds like a manipulative control freak , and I’m shorty to say that is abuse , and it won’t get any better , You have to understand you are a human being and no one on this planet is perfect , if someone can’t except you for who you are as a person? They don’t deserve you period. You should not be walking around on egg shells for no one , if your boyfriend can’t respect you and be nice to you, then you don’t respect him and be nice to him. Life is too short to be with someone that is manipulative that way to you. You deserve better than that shit girl. If he truly loved and cared about you , he wouldn’t be constantly nagging at you and criticizing you , tell him to look his ass in the mirror and ask himself what makes him feel like he is so perfect? Me personally would not tolerate that abuse in any relationship , a partner is supposed to be by your side and support you no matter what , they accept your flaws like they expect you to accept theirs. You aren’t in a happy relationship, you are in a controlled abusive relationship. Do yourself a favor and dump his sorry ass

[DishLady]

He’s your boyfriend, so you signed up for being nagged… Naggers tend to reveal themselves early on….


If you don’t like it, leave.

[TommyMountainFigure]

There you go @asker. Dishy, the voice of reason has spoken!

[Skinhead-1979]

While nagging will always be done in relationships... it simply shows you care in my opinion... the way you describe your situation may be a bit excessive, but could also be a sign of how much it affects you and you just don't want to hear any anymore.

Either way... the amount he nags and how much it affects you point into the direction of deeper, more serious issues.

Only way to resolve this is by talking... try to revolve the issues and clear the air... if it appears nothing changes, you 2 may not be the right people for each other. The likelihood that it only becomes worse over time is very reasonable.

[OfMiceandMen]

I understand you like this guy, however, do you really want to go through life with him constantly belittling you?

If it were me, I would give him some of his own medicine. I am sure he's not perfect by any means, but perhaps he needs to learn a lesson. I would make it my mission to point out all his flaws and nag about them constantly.

If he get's pissed-off, then remind him that's how you feel on a day-to-day basis when he does it.

That being said, I have no clue who you are or what your boyfriend is like, so if doing what I said above could cause him to react and harm you physically, then please don't heed my advice as I would not want you to get hurt proving a point.

I say this, because some guys that nag and belittle their girlfriend do it to stay in control of the relationship, and if you test him it may not go well. So just be careful.

[ProbablyClueless]

You have to start by setting boundaries and understanding which things are actually problems, and which are him being nit-picky.

Mopping a floor 3 times in a day is (most likely) not a logical, rational, or reasonable thing to do. It is extremely unlikely that any purpose he wants to achieve with the mopping will be better attained by mopping the floor more than once.

So, the next time he gets all ass mad about the floor being "dirty," you can tell him that you've already mopped the floor once today. If he wants to make it any cleaner, the mop and bucket are in the closet and he can do it himself.

[Purpleronnie]

Where is your backbone? Just tell him you will get to it in your own time. Don’t get me wrong he is the one that needs to stop challenging you in these ways but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. This behavior is not considerate or supportive. Yeah we all need encouragement to get things done at times but this isn’t that !

[Johnnyjay]

I agree with others. He's manipulative and a red flag. You were open minded and thought it was just encouraging but now you see he is just like this all the time. It's a red flag. It won't get better. Not only that but I can predict how things will go when you voice your opinion in the future.

He will accuse you of just being sensitive and he was just trying to help. He will blame you for the the trouble in the relationship. Then it will be your fault when things don't work out.

[lightbulb27]

Perfectionism.


Will get tiring.


Say ‘ good idea, when im ready… or no thanks’. Then tell him what he needs to do.


I agree w bare feet… wear socks so eugs aren't ruined.


Just wait til your kids show up.


Train them to fo us in their issues rather rhan others.

[Anonymous]

This is what men go through a lot of the time w their girlfriends when they want to talk about everything. How her feelings were hurt at work. How her mom is treating her like a baby. How you didn’t notice her new nails. Etc, etc, etc. This is also what you get when women say they want men who are emotional, to talk to them about their feelings. Men’s legitimate concerns are seen by women in a negative way.

[dsrice071966]

Since you don't want to leave him, talk to him, see if he can control his nagging, if he can't then say you need a timeout and see if he can settle down. You need to have your space and feel safe, if he can't make ir work then he is probably not right for you.

[onedarkcloud]

With all his bullshit are you sure that you want to stay with someone who is constantly moving the goalpost every time? He will never be happy with you. Do yourself a favor sit down and think what your life will be like with what he does now and married to him, he will never be happy with you.

[Daniela1982]

It will make him less naggy if you keep a picture of him on your dresser.

[IslaTheWitch]

he does only what you let him do... set boundaries, split home chores for two, and tell him that he can nag only ONCE, and then you will work on it, but it requires time.

[spartan55]

Why do you want it to work? Your boyfriend has shown you who he is: a fucking jerk who is already abusing you. He's not worth it. Is he perfect? Then tell him to stfu.

[TommyMountainFigure]

A good pair of noise cancelling headphones will do the trick! You'll see his mouth move, but not hear a thing!

[FunkyMonkee]

Throw a rag over his shoulder and walk away.
Next celebration you have for him, get him a box of tampons.
Ask him, "Is it THAT time of the month again, ALREADY?"

[FreyaRed]

Just dump him. Such choleric people never stop to complain they just get more annoying with age. Get a normal boyfriend without mental issues.

[WhitneySnow]

You need to have a long talk with him. If he doesn’t stop nagging you, you need to seriously consider breaking up with him.

[luvstoned4him]

Ugh..
He sounds like stress I wouldn't dream of having. Time to have "the talk"

[Anonymous]

Sounds ingrained. Adapt or get out. You'll never change him. Myself.. could never live with that.

[SpeedAnswerDemon]

you say "you've reached your limit on talking. shut the fuck up"

[Friendlybro79]

You can love someone and tell them to STFU sometimes. Lol. You might need to do this.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Do yourself a big favor, get rid of this moron today or he decides to stfu and leave you the hell alone.

[noohair]

Are you exausted yet? You will be. What are you doing with this guy? He is not going to change. It will only get worse.

[Anonymous]

Whenever he starts nagging suck his dick or whip out your tits

[Anonymous]

The irony of this question coming from a woman is freakin' hilarious.

[Nikki1989]

Trade him in for a new one.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

now you know how it feels

[strateguy632]

Dump him.