Ever felt like you dodged a bullet but still had a hard time getting over that person?

[Anonymous]

Say you start dating someone and you end up really liking them but then they either lead you on, rebound on you, cheat, manipulate you, etc.

You may be happy you found signs early on but it takes you awhile to get over them because of how close you felt to them, you just have a difficult time getting over it?

Im going through this right now and I've gone through it before. It's a rather shitty feeling. It's like sure you can point out their red flags and ways they screwed you over but because you had feelings for them, it's not easy to get over it by the flip of a light switch.

[Welloffselloff]

It's called hormones my friend and they will fuck you up. When you start a new relationship and you're constantly talking and having sex multiple times a day it is amazing. Your brain chemistry changes. You get used to that higher level of stimulation and when its gone, you feel empty. It just takes time to realize this was all just a fiction played on you by nature. It's these emotions that make us stick around long enough to make babies.

Just take time and be alone. It's gonna suck. But you need to get yourself to a place where you no longer need another person to feel joy. Do thing that you get fulfillment out of by yourself. Then once you have your confidence back and feel like you have more control of your emotions than they of you, make new friends. Take the time to investigate the women you want to be with. Not in a private eye way. But hold off on dating them until you see how they act. The magic number is about three months. After three months a lot of the walls come down and you begin to see who a person really is.

I went through this a few years ago. It took me time and lots of practice, but because she made me reevaluate my life I am a better man now. I am more calm, steadfast, and focused on MY goals. Use this my friend. Gain from it. Turn this negative into a springboard to launch you into the amazing life you can create for yourself now. You've been used, you now know the signs and will never be used again.

[Asker]

Yeah I just got rebounded and used recently with someone I had a ton in common with. It hurt like hell.

[Asker]

And it's not really needing another person to be happy but I was used, manipulated and led on only for the person to ditch me acting like it's my fault

[Welloffselloff]

So because you did not get this person to stay in your life you are not happy. That sounds like needing others my friend. It will take time but soon enough you will be glad if it and realize you truly are better off learning this way, then devoting yourself to someone for years and having the same outcome. Do as you see fit my friend I hope you get to feeling better soon

[Megatrizzle]

I've been feeling that way for the past 3 weeks. Can't really get over this girl I really liked even though: 1. She has a boyfriend and was trying to cheat behind his back and 2. All she did was play games not deciding if she wanted me or not. I still find myself wondering if she really did like me, or some other guy.

[Asker]

Wow that's pretty shady of her. Did she break it off with you completely?

[Megatrizzle]

Nah, never really had closure lol. She's weird anyways; like she would talk shit behind my back but would still talk to me and flirt. Lol, I told her friend I liked her (before I knew what she was saying behind my back) and she starts wearing all this jewelry and a new hairstyle etc. (gladly) haven't seen her recently. She works at my old job

[Asker]

Damn, good thing she doesn't work at your current job. Sounds pretty weird.

The girl I saw most recently ended up leading me on and using me as a rebound. I also found out she was sleeping around while having sex with her. I didn't get on her case about it because we weren't together but she ended up ditching me afterwards. I was tossed aside like garbage. Total cunt move on her part.

[Megatrizzle]

That's how they do you, immature fucks.

[Asker]

Yeah she was on the rebound, prolly didn't know what she wanted and was playing the field/sleeping around. Still got led on hardcore.

[Megatrizzle]

Yeah man. Like we're people, not chess pieces

[devilish-cutie]

I honestly don't know which is worse, when you see red flags and stay away and it kills you ir when you give in and it fs you up
either way you are screwed

I have however worked on myself a lot and resisting guys I have strong connections with but are no good for me
I think w me getting more confident, knowing my worth better, knowing what I deserve and not accepting bs, I will not fall in love w guys like that no more... just the theory for now but I think I'm on a good way w this
maybe really does experiences were meant to push you to face things and work on you... but I don't think that is necessary, there are better ways... I think it's not our fault w fall in love w someone like that and it's not fair

[Asker]

Yeah the red flags with this women was she just got out of a 5 year relationship and she was acting hot and cold between our first 2 dates. Oddly enough we hit it off big time and she was all over me when we actually hung out until the big red flag appeared the last time we saw each other.

[devilish-cutie]

acting contradictionary like hot and cold is an ultimate sign it's no good! in my experience that is something you should never go for, that person will treat you like that in relationship too and you should know you don't deserve that but someone who will give you their full attention and be consistent

[Asker]

I'll pm you

[Asker]

And yes acting hot and cold causes too music stress and uncertainty. Who wants to date someone if you have to over analyze if they're into you or not all the time.

[miamigirl1970]

Heartbreak is a bitch. It takes us awhile to come through to the other side. Love is all about chances and risk taking, and we put our trust in the other person to be kind, decent, and we hope that they are. As I have seen in the not so past, this is not true. We never know who people really are. WE can hope for the best, but even the girl/guy we think is the most decent person, has faults. Faults that may hurt us. Yes I think when we care about someone, no matter how far they threw us under a bus, it is extremely hard to get over them if we cared. Some people can flip off feelings fast, others not so much. Bottom line, stay busy, find different hobbies, and the right person will come along. Best of Luck

[Tephra]

Never dated them but really liked them. However some wanted me as an ego boost, leading me on or I was "second best". Others liked me back but we were complete opposites and it could never work. We had different values and different lifestyles; theirs did not fit with mine. One guy was an alcoholic, party animal and had no real ambition or passion for life. The other guy was lazy, desperate and wanted someone to make up for what he was too lazy to get himself (money and career). I'm all about self-improvement, being positive, getting a career, getting good grades and all the guys who I liked, got along real well with but they were the opposite :(

[WillowTree]

Same.

[Pearl85]

It's really tough walking away from someone you wanted to be with but it's even tougher dealing with bullshit and constant heartache and upset throughout the relationship.

I have had to do this recently and I am missing him a lot but I know in the long term it will be worse so it's better to deal with ignoring him, missing him and analysing everything for now and in time I will get over it and move on.

[Asker]

Yeah this girl I was seeing was acting hot and cold between our first 2 dates and then started acting more interested, but when she invited me to her place, I found out she was sleeping around while having sex with her by finding an empty condom wrapper that wasn't mine just laying between the sheets. Ironically she ended up leaving me afterwards and I isn't even yell at her about it because we weren't together.

[peachblossomluck]

I may have dodged the bullet but my body is still scraped and bruised where I hit the ground to do it.

[Pearl85]

Deep 💔

[peachblossomluck]

@Pearl85 Thank you♡

[Asker]

Same. Emotions can't be turned off like a light switch.

[peachblossomluck]

If they could, the love must have been false.

[Asker]

Exactly. What I'm wondering if this last girl who I was a rebound to me really liked me or not. Obviously she was physically attracted to me as we made out for hours and had sex but I don't know if she liked my personality or not.

[peachblossomluck]

You need to let that go.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I'm going through that right now! I can't get over him because I keep rehashing all the shitty things he did to me, in my head. I'm analyzing everything and wondering if it was something I did. Then, he does something else to me that just reinforces my feelings about why we broke up but also re-breaks my heart.

[Asker]

Yeah this last girl rebounded on me and I found out something really fucked up which she knew I saw but I didn't say anything about, only for her to ditch me later that week.

[Opinion Owner]

We got back together because he was so upset when we broke up. Then he dumped me a week later then we got back together for 4 days a month later and he dumped me again. He told me not to speak to him if I see him in person and treats me like I'm the one who cheated on him... I also found out that he was telling his friends that we were just fuck buddies. It makes me hate myself instead of hating him

[Asker]

That's pretty shady. And yeah usually the ones who screw up play victim. What happened with the rebounder was we were seeing each other for a little over month and kept in contact every other day, then the last time we saw each other she invited me to her place and we had sex at the end but right before it I saw an empty condom wrapper in the bed that wasn't mine. I didn't say anything because we weren't together. But she knew I saw it then ignored me a few days afterwards, then I tried calling her and then she texted me saying she's not interested in pursuing this. Also canceled plans we had afterwards.

[Opinion Owner]

That's so sketchy! She seems to be hiding a lot who she is from you.

[Asker]

Yeah and it made me severely depressed. I mean I get we weren't official and I've definitely multi dated but it was more of the fact of how I found out and that she ditched me afterwards making it seem like it was my fault when she was the one who invited me to her place, let alone her room.

I know I dodged a bullet, but I genuinely liked her and haven't really met anyone like her compared to most women I've dated.

[Asker]

Like I knew this girl just got out of a 5 year relationship and wanted to take it slow which I was ok with. I was just going with the flow but she still manipulated me and led me on.

[Anonymous]

I'm in that exact same situation now

I knew in my heart I was being used and manipulated, but I I still held onto him. I kept trying to tell myself I was wrong about him. I suppose It felt good being told how much he cared about me and loved me, even if it was just in those moment's of being fooled

I'm not with him now , but I just can't fully move on, but I don't know why. I have no idea why I care about someone who cared so little 😪

[Asker]

I know the feeling. It's like despite how much interest they showed at times, once it ends you question if the my ever liked you at all. Was this guy newly single?

[Opinion Owner]

He'd been single for a while or so he said, but now I'm not sure what was the truth anymore.

I keep questioning over and over whether he liked me.. even a little bit. I feel a fool for putting myself in such vulnerable position. All the signs were there that he was playing me , but I foolishly chose to ignore them all.

[Asker]

Yeah the most recent girl I saw just got out of a 5 year relationship 2 months before we met.

I was cautious about that and still got fucked over. She was acting hot and cold for a bit then showed more interest in me towards the end.

[WillowTree]

Yes. The emotional connection is not as easy to dislodge because you had hopes and ideas of a happy future with them and it's suddenly ripped away.

[Asker]

Agreed. I mean I won't lie, I was cautious because this girl told me she just got out of a 5 year relationship so I took it slow. She acted hot and cold and then started being more consistent and interested then the last time I saw her, I found out she was sleeping around while having sex with her by seeing a used condom wrapper that wasn't mine on her bed. She ended up ditching me like trash afterwards.

[Saoirse_Nua]

Big time that was my last relationship, I know exactly what you mean - Only thing it wasn't her fault we were just wrong for each other, I loved her and she settled.

[Asker]

I don't think I'd be happy knowing one settled. I've settled myself, not in a relationship, but dating and I felt like I was using the person and it didn't make me happier.

[RachelBrigs]

Oh goodness I just went through this exact thing very recently. Yeah it sucks dude.

[Asker]

What happened with yours?

My girl rebounded me and I found out she was sleeping around while sleeping with her.

[RachelBrigs]

you can message me if you want

[Elarra]

Yes, that's my situation right now with two people actually

[Asker]

What happened with them?

[Alex88F]

countless times man. and honestly id still leap in front of that bullet now - especially knowing what she's worth

[Asker]

Yeah I know how you feel. The messed up thing is some of my best dates have been with people who fucked me over the most in the end.

[Alex88F]

thats why im Learning to be a social chameleon. that means, see the danger, smack the hoe and run like hell

[Tony1974]

Yes. Still don't know what the truth of the situation that went down...

[Asker]

What went down?

[Tony1974]

After about 1 1/2 month relationship, she claimed to be prego... demanded $$$ for an abortion.

[Asker]

And was she actually pregnant? Women who fake pregnancies are generally batshit crazy.

My most recent one rebounded me and I found out she was sleeping around while having sex with her.

[Tony1974]

Not sure; don't really care. Lesson learned; haven't dated a red head since.

[Asker]

Why specifically not dating a redhead? Is there some stereotype with red heads?

I new if she was a brunette, would you stop dating brunettes?

[Asker]

I mean if*

[Tony1974]

I've noticed that redheads.. men and women are more unstable and spiteful at least in past my experiences. I prefer dirty blondes and brunettes.. especially DIRTY blondes. ;)

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I had such feelings before, but not because of cheating.

[Amanda2]

My exact situation now

[Asker]

What happened?

[Amanda2]

Proposed and promised a long distance relationship, he maintained it for about a month. We spoke regularly and then he started becoming scarce. I told him if he isn't gonna give me his all then leave me alone. My oh my did he want that, he went MIA, and deleted me off fb. I feel used but I can guarantee you it taught me to stay focus

[Asker]

Sorry to hear that. How long distance are we talking?

[Amanda2]

Trinidad and Georgia USA

[Asker]

Yeah that's pretty far apart.

Mine was semi long distance but she was in the city, about 30-40 mins and I'm in the suburbs. Her not having a car made it a little challenge.

[AlwaysAround]

Called grieving. Takes time.

[lazycyclist]

yes and no. I was never with them

[Asker]

I was never official with these people but they led me on and used me as a rebound. That hurt a lot.

[lazycyclist]

yes its not great. I'm sure you will find someone

[Asker]

Well I got a date tomorrow with another girl but I still find myself missing and getting angry/upset over the rebounder.

I think rebounding is contagious. If you get used as a rebound, you might be on the rebound and date someone else as a distraction. If that makes any sense.

[lazycyclist]

good luck with the date tomorrow, I'm closing my doors the love again and going back to living with limited emotion.

[Asker]

Thanks yeah I'm just done taking online dating seriously. I hated that I caught feelings early on, which rarely happens, for the last girl because it makes it worse. We had so much in common and bonded over many things. She even admitted how much we had in common and was the one who brought it up.

[Coco0104]

Yes sometimes it hurts