She gave me the run around

[Anonymous]

I thought things were going well with this girl. I've learned a lot in my past to not be too clingy, how to flirt, be funny, etc...and I thought I was doing well with this girl. We got coffee and we went on a date.

After that, though, she started to give me the run around.

Worst, it took me a while before I realized it.

I'm a little deflated right now because I honestly don't know of any missteps I made and even if there were missteps, they were minor. My confidence is shot because I don't know what I can improve now and I really liked this girl.

Can anyone help here?

[2010atitagain]

Sometimes on the first "date"/"meeting", both sides can just get a sense of whether they want to pursue anything further.

I know it's hard...and a blow to your confidence but if she's the type of person who wouldn't want to give it another go, maybe just to see or whatever, then you probably wouldn't want to be with her anyways.

I've done that with someone I met online...we got along great, there was nothing "wrong" with him, there was just no spark and no yearning desire to see him again. I didn't want to waste his time or mine so sometimes it is best that it "ended" as soon as it did. And, I've also been on the other side of it, too. Maybe it didn't happen so soon but I "hear" maybe it's because the guy wanted to see if it I'd "give it up" anyways (hahaha) but you're not alone and you will get over it :-)

Good Luck.

[Asker]

Actually, you're right about not sure if there was a spark. I mean, I wasn't sure if there was one, either. But I thought there was enough to just give it another go..... I mean, what's to lose?

[2010atitagain]

Yeah...I understand but I guess she wants/needs something else and isn't willing to give it another try. Don't see it as outright rejection. Like you said, you weren't sure either. Maybe she did you favor in the long run :-)

[IStarrr]

Welcome to the world of dating! This is how you gain experience and learn, there's no other way to do it and I'd try not to be hurt too much by what happened. I know, you said you really liked her, but in my opinion, the best would be to stop seeing her. At least for now. I would tell her how I felt and state it as the reason you don't want to be together. See what is going to happen next. Either she will come around, realizing that she was wrong and or she won't. At least you will know for certain that she isn't going to be serious about you rather than wasting more time.

[LadyInHer20s]

I hope I can help. There was no need for her to do that. It's awful when there's no reason for it. It's ok though, as she wasn't worth it in the long run. I hate to think she would do it ever again, if you gave her another chance. So don't. Ya hear me? Lol

[thetheme]

You went for coffee... That's what "friends" do. You probably said too much on the date that you went to, something that "disqualified" you. It's tricky so you have to watch what you say. The best thing to do is to say as less as possible. For many women if it's too easy something is wrong, and if it makes sense it doesn't work... It happens sometimes because many women don't understand logic. They go by fantasy and the heat of the moment. Don't chase her, have more respect for yourself. Start dating other women, don't be friends with her, and don't be there for her. Let her chase you. If she doesn't try to get in touch with you after a while then you pretty much have your answer on how much she wants you.

[Asker]

Well, the coffee thing was to get to know her better, and I see people do it all the time and I wasn't sure if I wanted to date her or not when I asked her.

The thing is, I've thought about all the stuff I said on the real date, and I didn't say anything "romantic" or clingy or needy or anything stupid like that that would've turned her off. I broke the physical contact barrier by the time the date rolled around anyway so anything there wouldn't be awkward.

[Asker]

I don't think she wants me at all, to tell you the truth. I've already left her alone for a while and haven't heard a peep from her. She doesn't give a crap, but this makes it worse, because like I said, I did a lot better than I did in the past and I just continued doing what had been working on her and then she gave me the run around.

[thetheme]

I understand where you are coming from. The thing is that women treat dating, chemistry, and attraction different from us men. We keep things real simple and make sense most of the time and use logic. By the way, she was probably going on many dates with other men to feel all of you out to see who was the "best" for her. That's what you should do as well instead of focusing on just one girl. You should always have a backup plan no matter what, women always do.

[2010atitagain]

That's a good suggestion, meeting more than one woman but not all women do that as the same goes for not all men.

[Gregs]

Yes, keep this from making women drive you insane. Its that sometimes you just can't explain why a woman does a 180 on you, so write this statement down "You never know where you stand with a woman until you sleep with her" and remember it next time a girl is driving you up the wall

[rbrtbrdshw]

From the toxic side, she could know people thrive on rejection and it puts her in a position of control if you chase her. If she comes up with a stack of standards 10 foot tall for you to live by but her stack (if any) is an inch, she either wants you under her thumb or doesn't want you at all. The more you suffer the more it shows you care and boosts her ego. Not worth your time unless you enjoy being miserable.

[pk30281]

I met a lady online, lives within 15 niutes of me. Things were great for the first 4 months, then BAM! communication became distant, always an excuse as to why she can't come over, didn't text or call back. Very sporadic...I was doing all the work, no fun gotta run!

[jasper1]

Its happened to the best of us. I keep my confidence by acting like nothing happened. Then it doesn't bother me anymore.