Girl giving me the run around?

[Anonymous]

I've worked with this girl for a year. She's overweight but cute, and I'm athletic and cute. I never thought anything would arise out of it. The thing is, she's a really nice girl, I mean REALLY nice. She just might be the nicest, friendliest girl I've ever met. Well, we became pretty good friends over the course of the year and just within the last 2 or 3 months I've really became attracted to her (emotionally and physically). She's a big time pot smoker, by the way. One night back in February we were working together and she said that she was out of pot. I told her that I had some then I invited her over to my apartment to hang out and smoke and she seemed ecstatic that I would even think of asking her. She came over, we spent only 1 1/2 hours hanging out then she left. I then proceeded to walk her out to her car, when (I don't think she was expecting it) I hugged her. She then asked ME for my number! I was delighted! At this time I was still unsure of my attraction for her but in the coming weeks I realized that I was in fact attracted to her. Come the end of March, beginning of April, we engaged in flirtatious conversation with each other at work on a consistent basis. We even revealed to each other some dark secrets of our past. This led me to believe that she is interested. But at this time I've only hung out with her outside of work that one time back in February. So I invited her out on several occasions in the coming weeks/months to no avail. I became frustrated so I joined Match.com to look for a new female, since I am on the market ;) She found out through another co-worker when I was present and seemed concerned, maybe a little afraid that she might miss out on an opportunity to be with me. So a few days after that, she knew I was going to be at my friends house to watch the Blackhawks in the Stanley Cup Finals game 5, and she kept texting me the whole night. I'm not stupid, and at this point I was thinking she's definitely interested in me. Well, a couple weeks after that, her friend got out of prison (benefit of the doubt...marijuana possession) and she went to drive 3 hours to pick him up and spend the weekend with him. Wow, I'm thinking. I was kinda devastated. So the next time I saw her after that, I decided that I couldn't hold it in anymore, I was going to tell her how I felt and possibly ask her out. I saw her at work that day and asked if she wanted to go get coffee somewhere within the next few days (so that I don't put her in a threatening situation by asking her over to my apt). I asked her If she had any plans the next day and she said no. So I said lets go tomorrow. She said "Let me check my schedule." Ha ha, what the hell does that mean? Anyways, I have been giving her the cold shoulder ever since, but not being a complete asshole. We were texting each other on a regular basis up to this point, then I just stopped. She's been wondering why I'm acting the way I am. I think she's giving me the run around. What do you think?

[ivan5252]

sounds to me like she's just hesitant about going any further with you. Although you explained the situation very well, there are still things that you will judge better than any of us.

I think this girl may 1) be hesitant because she may feel intimidated that you're more physically attractive than her or 2) has a past that she's has not let go of yet.

I don't think you've done anything wrong and I don't think you're really stricken by this much (which is always a good thing).. My suggestion from here would be to let more time go by.. maybe a week or two, whatever is more than usual and enough for her to notice.. and if she "comes back" to you then that's where I think you have your last chance to ask her out or tell her more how you've felt about this whole situation.. in a simple, honest, modest, and confident way..

good luck !

[Asker]

Thank you for responding. What you said is exactly what I've been thinking for a while now. Honestly, I don't foresee myself asking her to hang out with me anymore. Balls in her court now. If she really wants me, she can chase me, otherwise I'm moving on, which I kind of already have. Thanks again!

[hollyolivia]

BOY I'm a big girl and if it were me in this situation I'd say I was doing what I was because I was really into you! Sounds like you guys had a good thing going, then she got busy, bad timing maybe. when you joined that site, she probably took it as you not being that serious about her, so she had her guy friend there instead. It sounds like you guys are just pretty mad at each other right now. I think you should start to warm up a little to her and ask if she wants coffee. If she really is a girl you wanna be with, tell her how you feel! Then you'll KNOW what her intentions are.

Just make sure it's not too intense because either way you'll still have to see her when shift starts on Monday. =P

I think she definitely does care about you though. Even if it just is as a friend.

[Asker]

Thank you for your insight. Even though I've dealt with all these mixed signals, I still really like her. But I think at this point the ball is definitely in her court. I'll leave the door open if she wants to ask me out for coffee or whatever. I have been talking to some new girls on match and that has really helped to keep my mind off of her and meeting someone new is my prerogative at the moment. I just think its amazing that she's still super nice to me despite my "cold shoulder" routine.