Why do I feel disgusted when a guy starts to like me?

[jjuineseun]

I like to talk to people, it's a nice way to get to know lifestyles and cultures differing from mine, I like to go out on dates with guys and I'm pretty sure I am heterosexual, so it doesn't really make sense to me when I feel disgust whenever I realise that a guy is starting to like me.

It's to the extent where whatever he does I'd find myself thinking and trying to convince myself that this person disgusts me and it's worse when he tries to hold my hand or just flirt in a little clingy manner, which I usually think is sweet. I actually enjoy the flirting before the realisation that they liked me so I'm really perplexed and find such emotions weird af. Any ideas?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're a female supremacist or misandrist at a subconscious level. You want to try and like men but when it comes time to intimacy, you just find them appalling, because perhaps you don't feel they're worthy of holding your hand. You either have very high standards for yourself or you have very high standards for the men you interact with. Maybe both. You enjoy the flirting because it's admiration, but then you start to realize that they're flirting with you because they want something more than just worshiping you and that disgusts you.

Out of curiosity, when you go on these "dates" with men, do you pay for the dates or at least for yourself?

[jjuineseun]

I'm pretty sure I don't have hate for men and intimacy hasn't always been like that, which is why I was confused. I mean like if I had constantly felt disgust towards everyone I date it'd possibly mean that I possibly look down on men but I'm not like that. I believe in reasonable equality, and I do pay, sometimes for myself sometimes for both and the guy sometimes pays for us both as well. I don't think I'm so egoistic and narcissistic to want people to worship and revolve themselves around me as well 😂 I'm looking for a partner in life, and came here to ask for opinions when I see a problem that I don't understand that's all. But thanks for your input, it can help to remind me what I don't want to find myself doing

[luckyanimals]

I used to have the same problem but with girls. It stemmed from me not caring about myself enough and convincing myself I wasn't deserving of love and compassion, etc which allowed me to convince myself that even if someone was generally interested, they were just going to use me, cheat on me, etc. So maybe your issue stems from something like that too?

[jjuineseun]

I'm trying to figure that out, but it's very possible that I'm not really loving myself. I think that possibly this part had been concealed by the ego all these time so that I had been able to function very well as an individual (been single my whole life) but when it comes to relationships it kind of showed. I think this sort of explains why I had been single and also why I had gone after the unavailable guys totally unafraid. This self awareness is really big and scary. Thanks for the input

[btbc92]

because the reality is you know these guys are lusting after you and they don't really like you for who you are. I just want to get into your pants and you sense that about them. I don't agree with flirting but I get the exact same way because I don't trust that at all. genuine guys who like you don't need to flirt with you. they don't have to try to play seductive games. they're there to get to know you. not because they want something out of you.

[jjuineseun]

I don't really understand.. do you see flirting as a way for people to get into each other's pants? Because I see it as one method not used on its own and when used with other methods, helps in getting to know someone better.

[btbc92]

Of course! The whole point to flirting is about making sexual advances. It's not meant to be friendly. It's meant to make subtle advances to the person without being blunt about it.

[btbc92]

You're either comfortable with knowing that or your not. People aren't stupid by what you meant. That's why you have to make your intentions clear or else it go wrong really fast with the opposite sex.

[anti_feminist21]

I just realized that I have the same problem... wow...

When I start getting a little bit more involved with guys I find myself getting increasingly impatient, annoyed, and disgusted with them and I always find some minor flaw to pick at and blame for my disgust.

Maybe it's a gut feeling that we're not right for each other.

I don't know. :P

[jjuineseun]

Does it happen with you for every guy or just some?

[anti_feminist21]

Well, there haven't been many, but I have rejected every guy who has ever asked me out before because of it.

[jjuineseun]

Ohhh.. it does sound like you have a similar situation as I do, and whilst you may not see it as a problem like me, I'd like to invite you to have a look at the opinions that others are giving me? You may or may not gain something out of it but I think there's no harm in it either 🙂

[LaFemmeFatale]

You need to learn how to love yourself more :) Accept that you are desirable and guys who like you have a good taste...

[jjuineseun]

Firstly, thank you for sticking up for me 🙂 I never knew I had problems with loving myself, and i think this incident has made me aware that there are things I have to understand about myself. It made sense now that I had gone after the "unavailable guys" unafraid but can't stand it when someone is serious. And yes i am really looking for opinions and want help, not a big ego who just wants a meal ticket and crush people's hearts.

[jjuineseun]

Thank you 💕

[LaFemmeFatale]

I can imagine how you feel and It can be a very sensitive issue.
You love chasing, aiming what you think is "unachievable", cause you need an ego boost, you want to prove yourself that you can do it.
But as soon as they show serious feeling you step back, in some cases probably just lose an interest, In other cases you start feeling disgusted if them...
I've met girl like that, she's my close friend.
Think deeply? Why are you disgusted by them? The only reason is that they like you, is not it what you wanted? Yes, right?
But you get disgusted by the thought that they like you... Is that how you value yourself? Is that how you love yourself?

Another person in your shoes would like these guys more. But, no, you didn't want their love, you wanted them to accept you, to feed your ego, which might be flourished outside but probably is ruined inside...

I am sorry... You probably missed some opportunities of great relationships but now you know what might be a problem and when..

[LaFemmeFatale]

And when you know where cancer is, It is easier to cure...
So aim to cure, read some psychological things, fight yourself, love yourself cause you ARE worth to be loved and liked.
You are good, you don't need to reassure it by others...

You are attractive the way you are, no other girls are any better than you. You are one of us and just exactly worth to be liked like us.

Please think about it my girl. ❤ Good Luck
Don't let that cancer win over you and ruin your personal life.

[jjuineseun]

Yea, I have grown up to be a fighter, like to be thought of as a strong individual, in both capabilities and emotionally and my kind of ego is convincing myself and everyone that I have it all together and that I'm strong. I have recently come to slowly accept that I'm really not that strong and there's nothing wrong with that, and the "weak" me is as lovable as ever. I guess there's a lot work within myself to do. Thank you for the support ❤️ I will work on myself and be sure to triumph over it!

[yohmama]

i'm like this all the time. and idc about looks i just don't like guys hitting on me

in my opinion, it's the personality you hate.
those type of men > go for pretty girls > show affection > and we get disgusted

i don't like men who like girls waaaay too much. (before you come at me and say i'm a female supremacist, we all know the reason why straight men likes women)

i think you should go for men who you will be comfortable with, someone who can be your bestfriend at the same time (men who could paint your nails, bake you cookies, sew you clothes!!)

[boredguy007]

Ahh yess. Nicee. Need more girls like you. 😭

[Anonymous]

It's because you don't like / love yourself and have not accepted your self. Therefore when someone else likes you, you can't accept that either. That's the simplified explanation anyway.

[jjuineseun]

How would you know when a person don't like/love or accept themselves? Because I have always thought that I love myself well but now with this incident I'm not sure and thinking maybe it had been my ego rather than love for myself. Are there ways to spot it?

[Opinion Owner]

How would you feel if you had to remain in a quiet room alone with only your own thoughts for a day? There is a difference between loving your physical self, loving your spiritual self, and loving both.

[jjuineseun]

Could you elaborate more about loving physical self and spiritual self?

[Opinion Owner]

The two are interconnected but it is possible for someone to love themselves physically, like how they look, look after themselves physically but ignore their spiritual side. To work on the spiritual side is all about accepting yourself, being with your own thoughts and going within. Facing who you are, your faults and understanding that there is much more to you then just a physical vessel.

Each time you tend to the physical, you also indirectly tend to the spiritual. For example you might eat healthy food too look good, but that same food also feeds your soul. You might workout to look good but that also assists your soul indirectly. The difference is with intent. The intention of directly tending to your physical self and your spiritual self.

Most of tending to the spirit will involve stillness, going within, finding out who you are, perhaps some forms of meditation or simply scheduling daily time to be completely alone with yourself. It involves purposely looking within.

[jjuineseun]

Thanks for the explanation, I had always thought that I'm very accepting of myself but now I think what I knew as my self could be a bit different from what it really is. Honestly I like to be alone a lot and that adds on to the misconception that I knew and accepted myself well. Thank you, I think you have pointed it out that being aware and consciously putting effort in my spiritual self is what I'm really lacking and I have a lot work to do. Thanks again 😊

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome. I notice that you've made statements like this multiple times ''I think what I knew as my self could be a bit different from what it really is.''

What is it that makes you say that?

Also bear in mind that who we are changes very often, even more so when you make the effort to know yourself and grow. This may also involve seeking out more knowledge and keeping an open mind. For example, understanding nutrition of the brain in order to assist or ''activate''t the parts of the brain that allow you to embrace intuition (prefrontal cortex) rather than instinct (amygdala). Learning contentment, giving thanks for our blessings and looking at the good and the bad, as opposed to only what we don't have.

[YoyoyoHomie]

You probably have some unresolved childhood trauma.
Deal with that and the problem should clear up :)

[tetris]

because like most girls you dont desire guys... and think were some joke

[jjuineseun]

I don't treat people like they're some joke unless they prove themselves to be unworthy of any basic respect, men and women alike, but in that case I'd prefer to walk away as well. So I don't think that's the case, but thanks for the input.

[akadatank44]

You need some help hun. I don't know who or what but something is up with you. Its almost like you a re death afraid to even date let alone commit.

[jjuineseun]

Yea I think I need help too, but I enjoy dating. How did you think that I'm afraid to date or commit? Are there like signs or something?

[akadatank44]

You enjoy dating up to the point where it becomes real and a relationship is what I got. That correct?

[jjuineseun]

Yeap, up to exclusive dating part, I haven't gotten past to the labels before, which up to now I had always attributed to that I didn't meet the correct people or it's just not my time yet 😅

[akadatank44]

Well what is it that makes you find them " disgusting" I meam thats pretty hardship to say about the guys you've been dating lol.
But I wonder if it's because you don't think very highly of yourself? We are our worst critics and then you go on to say you don't find them disgusting until you realize that they like you. Which means to me as if you are saying no one would ever like or date you.

[jjuineseun]

I'd find itty bitty reasons to see them in disgust and it doesn't make sense so much that I think it's probably more of my problem than theirs hence I'm here. And with the opinions I'm getting, I'm starting to think that yea it's probably cause I don't love myself enough and don't think myself worthy. I wasn't aware of this probably because it had been concealed by my ego. I grew up having to put on a strong front and I think I wasn't that strong really and the ego was the one that did that for me. So yea I think I have a lot of work to do about myself although I don't know where to start

[akadatank44]

Yeah and I understand what your getting at😊 I think you should just focus on yourself and trying to love your looks and who you are as a person. You have to just keep thinking about what you can improve and attain them is what I do. Need to loose weight? Then do it and look better, need to gain weight, m, same thing, or maybe its just something you don't like about yourself. Dont fixate things on like your nose, eyes or whatever I find many girls do that and it's not an issue because we look at the whole face not just the nose or whatever. So I guess little self improvements you can do to make yourself feel better will help you come to love yourself I guess!

[jjuineseun]

You just made me tear up a bit 😢 Little self improvements make things seem a lot less out of reach and I really appreciate that. Thanks!! 😊

[akadatank44]

Aww how come you teared up? 😕didn't mean to do that! Or was it in a good way? Lol
You are welcome! Yes small attainable goals are much better than large ones that seem like they can never be accomplished.

[jjuineseun]

It's definitely in a good way! I was touched by your warmth hahaha hope I don't sound creepy 😂

[jjuineseun]

Yeap I'll take little steps to improve myself 💪🏻

[akadatank44]

Well thats good! Haha it doesn't but I'm hoping my warmth is good? Lol
Good!😊 and good luck!

[Galaxyguy96]

You probably struggle with commiting into a relationship. If you dont know if you're heterosexual, then experiment!

[jjuineseun]

Does that mean I have commitment issues?

[jjuineseun]

Actually I am quite sure that I'm heterosexual haha

[Galaxyguy96]

Ok. Then maybe you should consider actually giving the relationship a try. Take it slow and tell him you want to move slow and that some situations may make you uncomfortable

[jjuineseun]

Should I be sorting out my issues first though? Is it unfair to give it a try just like that?

[Galaxyguy96]

I mean, sort out whatever you need to have a healthy relationship before you commit. But sometimes its ok to take a risk on someone, even if its uncomfortable. If you don't like him as much as you thought or jumped in before you were ready then just say so and break it off

[jjuineseun]

Okay, thanks for the advice! 😊

[nbbn5]

Maybe beacause in past many guys have liked you and yiu are tired that many guys flirt with you

[jjuineseun]

I never had that many guys liking me actually lol 😂 but thanks for the input!

[Uhhjsshshdh]

What if a guy that YOU like, likes you back. Do you still feel disgusted by the thought of that?

[jjuineseun]

I can't really tell actually, but I haven't always been like that, hence the confusion. I have been totally happy with intimacy with other guys before, so came here to know why I'm feeling like that about this one

[Uhhjsshshdh]

My guess is that you feel grossed out because you don't like them back. I'm curious if you're in a position where you have a crush on a guy, and he has a crush on you, would you still feel grossed out? Maybe try fantasizing about a guy you like :o

[FaithfulGuardian]

Being liked by someone is a fantastic thing that makes you fee good about yourself. I hope you don't enjoy being hated as well, otherwise that would be weird x2

[McKellar]

Have you had some really bad dating experience before this guy?

[jjuineseun]

Uh yea sort of, but I'm not sure whether they have direct effects on this experience?

[McKellar]

Any or all negative dating experiences can be carried forward towards new dating phases with other men. Just like the quote,"1 Bad apple makes the entire bunch look real bad". I've gone through this as well with women.

[GARY-]

Because you do not truly like guys and you find them disgusting.

[jjuineseun]

What would you count as truly liking guys? I mean I'm quite sure I'm heterosexual and this disgust didn't happen with all guys that I meet

[GARY-]

There's no "what would I count as liking guys" you either like them or you don't. Either you aren't really straight or you have some sort of unresolved childhood trauma, that means need help. Asap...

[WalterRadio]

You might want to talk to a psychiatrist.

[jjuineseun]

It's weird right?

[WalterRadio]

You might want to talk to a psychiatrist.

[skeptic002]

stop following your feelings there stupid

[jjuineseun]

Uh.. if I ignore my feelings there'd be no need for relationships?

[skeptic002]

hun its not like I think everything we feel is bad but
there is a section of feelings
that we have THAT ARE NO GOOD

just today I felt like killing a guy and no im not joking
eventually had to throw the thought away

so what you are feeling right here is very strange its a bad feeling to follow
throw it away

[jjuineseun]

I agree that not all feelings are good ones but I'm not following it, I'm trying to find out why I'm feeling like that so that I can possibly solve whatever problem I may have and by resolving it I'm facing my emotions rather than blindly following it. Maybe if you feel like killing someone there could be something you can look into as well?

[Anonymous]

You're scared of your own emotions...

[Sadisticphan]

Yo... you're messed up...

[jjuineseun]

Yo... you're sadistic... haha kidding. Uhh.. could you explain a little why you'd think so?

[Anonymous]

because you're afraid they'll hurt you

[jjuineseun]

Trust issues huh?

[Opinion Owner]

everyone has trust issues

[jjuineseun]

Really? Could you explain?

[Opinion Owner]

what is thee to explain. it's out natural feeling to mistrust people.. people in general, will stab you in the back if they absolutely HAD to

[jjuineseun]

That's when they absolutely had to right?

[lord_chilled]

Yeah ur fucked

[LaFemmeFatale]

Nope, I think she needs a help :) She is not confident enough, that's why she doesn't like when guys like him, because she doesn't like herself. It's nothing about being a bitch or something. I am sure she wants to fix it.

[lord_chilled]

@LaFemmeFatale
She doesn't wanna fix it. She just wants an explanation to justify it.
I have seen girls like her, it not the kind of girl that doesn't think she is attractive and therefore turns down men.
She just thinks she is better than everybody else.
Probably has decent looks and thinks average joes can't have her. So she goes for tom, dick and harry, who are a cut above the rest, but finds that they still aren't good enough..
They will just keep going until they find that top tier male, who seems like their prince charming. At some point they may run across one. Ceo of a major firm, important politician, billionare athlete, celebrity, whatever makes her feel is "worthy" of her. Tbh its a good thing, i dont want one of those types. But their personalities are still annoying at best tough..

[LaFemmeFatale]

Well, maybe I can't prove what I am not sure about... But I've met girls like that too and usually they are very insecure.

[lord_chilled]

@LaFemmeFatale whatever, i dont care..
Thats not the right thing to do.
Going on dates, leading people on, then being disguisted at them when they start to like them.
I just think thats a bad person

[jjuineseun]

@lord_chilled uhh.. I'm hoping that you're trolling me, else you would seem to be very jaded towards women who are having problems with their relationships? I think you made quite a big jump to your conclusion about me as a person. First off, I asked this question because I was really confused about myself and my emotions and want to know if anyone can make sense of it. Second, it's also to look for opinions and maybe possible solutions as I don't want me to be like that forever either. I don't know about the kind of girls that you talk about as I haven't encountered them, but I'm not looking for a meal ticket and lead people on just to feel bad about them. No. It sounds crazy and I'm not. I have zero intentions to hurt people intentionally or to do things as fucked up as that and that's why I'm here. But thanks for your input, I can probably use that to make sure it's not what I want to find myself doing

[lord_chilled]

Im not trolling. And these aren't relationship problems, these are your problems, the guys had nothing to do with it.

You say you go after emotionally unavailable men, and after they open up, you leave them. Have you any idea how much you hurt those guys?
But i doubt you care about that.. bye

[jjuineseun]

You have totally misinterpreted what I have said, and I'd not explain myself again. Thanks though for the time