Why are some men so cruel?

[Anonymous]

For the last three months this man that works in the same location as I has been staring at me and always looked me in the eyes it was very intense. He really got my attention he was always trying to be close and even to close into my personal space. All of a sudden his ignoring me he won't even look at me. I look better then I have in a long time. I've been working out and it shows I dress better I've been told by both men and women that I'm sexy but in an elegant and classy way. I'm always happy and smiling. Working out has given me much more confidence and I really feel great. Although his behavior has really hurt me and gotten me so down because I really like him and I thought that he liked me, but I've come to the conclusion that it was just a game to him. I don't get why grown men would play this sort of game when they have no intention of making a move. I guess that men do this sort of thing to make themselves feel good. Well guess what guy's this is very very hurtful and damaging to us. Its made me feel worthless and stupid for even thinking that this guy liked me. I will totally began to stay away from this creepy man and get him out of my head!

[justathought]

This really caught my attention since I'm in the same boat as you. I'm in my late 30s and he's in his early 40s. Check out my question on this site...it's similar to yours...lol. Anyway, he's been doing this to me since last summer and I felt that this summer we got closer but this week he's ignoring me. He does this every once in a while and it drives me nuts to the point where I am ready to just forget all about him. I've been reading articles online and I've come to the conclusion that if he was really interested, he would have already asked me out. Yes all of the signs of interest and attraction are there, just as in your situation. However, he IS a grown man and if he really wanted to be with me, he would have made a move by now. So, I'm thinking that he is just a player who captures a girl's attention to give himself an ego boost that he's still "got it" and then moves on. It's also funny because of your comments about working out and dressing better. I've been doing the same and have lost 13 pounds. But guess what? Still nothing. I'm not going to stop what I'm doing and neither should you. The heck with the players. We're both going to meet someone BETTER than these jerks. Don't let it get you down. By the way, there's this cute guy I see on the subway who's been giving me the eye. If he asks me out, my crush will be on the fade for sure. Try not to obsess. If it feels like he's playing a game with you, then he probably is. If you want to talk, send me a message. Good luck.

[luciaa]

Walk, no sorry run. I have spend a year puzzling over a creep who has also one minute been nice, the next cruel and confusing. He rejects me, then pulls me back in. In the end, it was all about him, and he could give a sh*t about my feelings. Run for your life. I finally, told him. " I'm so done". and although I cried through the ordeal, I look forward to the freedom that lies ahead. xo.

[Anonymous]

The guy was a complete a**hole.

Found out several months back the guy is married not only that

They just had a baby. He still stares at me put I completely ignore him

I can't deal with buffoons.

[browolf]

It's not a game. People, not just men, can be put off so easily. and They won't tell you why they'll just change their behavior accordingly. It doesn't make sense because you don't know the reason for it, but you can be sure there is a reason. Probably something along the lines he got close enough to discover something he didn't like at all. Of course it would be easier if people explained their behaviours but there's a whole lot of other psychological reasons why they don't. However your mistake in all this is assuming that getting to know you automatically means liking you more. Men are typically attracted by looks first and worry about the rest later. They might be all enthusiastic in the beginning but getting to know you is really the crunch point. They either continue forward or decide they made a mistake and withdraw. Unfortunately the time-scale on this and how they act on their initial interest is different for different men. Best thing you can do is defer emotional attachment until they at least start to deliver on whatever it is you really want to be happening.

[Married-in-PA]

See, Mademoiselle...

I don't behave like this, and I honestly wish I could offer you some kind of advice as to why men roughly "my age" do. I've been married for 12 years (feels like 50 - LOL, in a good way).

But if I were single - and believe me I see plenty of women "our age" I would be hungry for, if I were interested in a Mademoiselle, I would make a straight-forward, yet gentle, move on her. Straight-up, no BS. I hate games. I hated them before I met my sweety-Dee, too.

I used to ask for three simple things: Interest, Company, Commitment. If a lady couldn't provide these, I would excuse myself (politely); I can understand no interest. What I could never understand was partial interest: to me, you either you are or you aren't.

My advice, be picky. It's better to be single than with a jack-ass and a game-player.

[luciaa]

"i can understand no interest, WHat I could never understand was partial interest, to me you either are or you aren't." oh my goodness. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAS DRIVEN ME TO THIS SITE FOR ALMOST A YEAR! THank you so much! Thank you for saying what I couldn' t say for ever, and the cool thing is, your a MATURE man. xo.

[Married-in-PA]

You're welcome. :) Hey, whouldn't dating and relationships in general go so much easier, if everyone just told the truth? LOL - I almost wish we all wore tee-shirts, announcing who we really are... Some people would have shirts that read: "I am really shy", while others would read "Player - date at your own risk". I like to think mine would read: "Happily Married, but not blind".

[Anonymous]

Well, let me tell you something: If he looked at you constantly, he found you attractive. Period. Now here's what might be causing him to ignore you:

- he got shy / scared (most probably!) when he felt you were attracted to him he couldn't even look at you, let alone make a move. This will be even worst if youve gotten so hot lately that he might thing you're out of his league. This is what I think happened;

- he's a player, meaning he's a jackass. Not your fault. Move on with your head held high. His loss.

- he's dating someone.

Either way, I'm sorry. One thing is certain, if he liked you 1 month ago, he likes you now. Unless you got hit by a bus.

[Married-in-PA]

Agreed; but this kind of behavior does sound like he's just being a jack-ass.

[GIntrovert]

He might not even known he was staring at you (I know that from experience). If he has a girlfriend, or wife, or he thinks he was making you uncomfortable (when he caught himself) he would force himself to not look at you again.