How to get a guy to make a move?

Question

So I'm a 23 year old female with pitifully little experience in the dating field (I know, I know, dont judge!). Recently I was seeing a guy, as in we were going on coffee dates, went for dinner and doing various different activities together, hell we even had a Netflix and chill date (minus the chill?)
The problem was, while it was pretty obvious we were sorta seeing each other (we were hanging out everyday we were both free, texting all the time and all but actually dating, for goodness sake!), he never made 'a move'.

There was no denying the mutual attraction, but in all our months of semi 'seeing each other' he never tried to kiss me or make a move at all. Even when he invited me to his house for movies, drinks and a sleepover... Just the two of us... The most intimate move he would make was prolonged eye contact?

So iv come seeking clarity! As someone who has no understanding of the mechanism of dating, I desperately need your help.

My questions are, in a nutshell ;
1. Was it my role as the girl to make the first move?
2. If yes, then how would you go about that? (I know this is basic stuff! :p)
3. If no, then why didn't he make a move?

Basically, I don't want to meet this situation again equally clueless!
Thanks everyone!

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

1. No! Are you not happy with a none lustful relationship? If you want a relationship were you're the pump and dump and he uses you mainly for sex all throughout the relationship till you get tired of each other, then this guy is not for you.

2. You don't have to do anything. What you should do, is ask him what are his views about sex in a relationship, or is he saving himself for marriage to do sexual activities. Now is the time so that we way, you know where this relationship is going and you both can be with other people.

3. Because he's a gentleman and is respectful. Maybe. Or perhaps he was taught better to not be grabbing at women's breast, etc sexually in that manner, which IS a good thing. Or perhaps he's not ready for that. Don't agree with it being done. But there shouldn't be a rush.

At the end of the day, you need to be talking to him personally about what you expect to happen in this relationship if he wants to keep it with you. "As someone who has no understanding of the mechanism of dating, I desperately need your help. " Listen. There ARE No specific rules to dating. Dating is how YOU and HIM make it. If he doesn't want a sexual relationship, then he doesn't. If you don't, you don't either. But if you do, and he does, or your ready and he's not. This is where you both need to discuss it at. I can't tell you what to do, but I highly advise against premarital sex in dating. But you two still have to talk about how far is too far, and where the boundaries are drawn. It's imperative it's talked about NOW.

unicorn_therapist · Accepted Answer

I have been having the same issue with the guy I have been seeing. They really don't get signals and subtle signs. I had to make the first move with him. I kissed him on the cheek on night and thanked him for dinner, and then he went in and kissed my lips. Now he knows I want to be kissed, and has no problem with it. I think some guys are just a combo of clueless & shy.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Maybe he is scare to make the first move and then later make it seem weird. You try holding hands later kiss. That is what I did on my date. Long story short when I was dating this guy turn out he was scare so I made the first move. Dont feel bad I only had 2 boyfriends lol abd Im 23 lol.

Lancaster4201 · Accepted Answer

1) Is it your role to make the first move? It can be if you want it to. Some guys are so nervous that they will take things very slow until they are sure. Maybe they don't know that you like them (men can be oblivious sometimes). It really comes down to do you want to make the first move and/or bring it up to him.

2) If you do want to make the first move, there are a few different options you have. You can just get physical with him (stroking his arm, placing it around you, touching him etc), or you could make the first move towards actually kissing. I have a few steps below, stop when you want to or when he starts to take the lead.

Find an excuse to get close to him (cuddling close), get his arm around you, stroke his arm (maybe legs) for a few minutes, look up at him in the eyes a few times, after those few times look into his eyes for a few seconds and look at his lips, make sure to bite your lip a little bit in a playful manner. Slide your hand up his chest to his neck and pull him into you. Then just make out.

3) You may need to talk with him about that. Maybe he isn't interested but you are misreading the signs (I doubt it). More likely he is nervous to make the first move especially if he hasn't had many dates. Some guys are very poor at reading signals.

If you have any other questions, let me know and ask away. Oh and don't worry about having little to no dating experience you are not the only one.

Browneye57 · Accepted Answer

"My questions are, in a nutshell ;
1. Was it my role as the girl to make the first move?"

You could, but gee, why won't he?

"2. If yes, then how would you go about that? (I know this is basic stuff! :p)"

Kiss him. Tell him you want him. Bite his ear. Whisper in his ear how sexy you feel. Tell him you're wet.

"3. If no, then why didn't he make a move? "

This guy is so scared and inexperienced he didn't know what to do and was afraid of being accused of being a rapist. That's the latest fad for the FI these days - "all men are rapists." So they have all the guys running scared.

Finally, this may not be a match. Unfortunately there's a whole crop of boys that have been raised to be just like little girls. They even drugged them when they weren't. So we have these weak-kneed girlie-men that can't make a decision, are shitty in the sack, have no backbone, are emotional and cry a lot. And they WON'T MAKE A MOVE. LOL

You may have to date up a little, with a guy that's a little more direct, willing to be a little more bold. The beta-chump guys are going to bore you to tears as well.

Wolframium · Answer

The problem is, that you are locking yourself in space of possibilities, which are imposed by society. The stereotypes and norms for both genders (SJWs, film yourself, how triggered you are, please).
Now, that means, that you are not allowed to make first move, because guy must, because…he reads your mind. I guess. Do you see, why I reject this? I wish I could read mind. It doesn’t have to be all guys, just me. But…nobody can. So, the only person, who has the information about first move being wanted, is you. If you don’t do it, nobody can. It seems pretty obvious, but maybe that’s just me.
Long story short: do the first move. You. But…be also prepared to fail. Another thing, which, according to the society, is something, what a guy should deal with.

unattached · Answer

I would think he is shy and trying to muster up the courage. But is your job to make the move well that's up to you. I would say get close to him make a move without making a move to test the waters. Go 70 and see if he goes 30. He most likely will, if he's interested

RandomNoise · Answer

Guys are bad at reading hints and afraid to "make a move" without 100% clarification that that is what the woman wants.

Just tell him what you want to do clearly and simply and he will probably oblige.

Dude55 · Answer

He's shitting himself incase he's read all the obvious signs wrong and he gets a friendzone, next time you're together make a move ☺

I've been in that situation loads of times and I haven't made the first move incase I looked like a dick if friendzoned haha

nel69 · Answer

no he is defenitely supposed to initiate but because he didn't when he had a number of chances did it occur to you that maybe he's a virgin and doesn't know what to do or even how to do it... talk to him if you're really serious about him comunication is a beautiful thing so good luck...

Anonymous · Answer

He maybe shy and/or insecure so I'd wait for him to be comfortable or make the move yourself so in the future he will make the majority of the moves as he knows that how you feel about him.

move making 101:

-slight touches, breaking the touch barrier
-talk dirty?
-kiss him/initiate the kiss
-Drop more obvious hints

Uncut · Answer

Well he is most likely scared and unsure of how you feel about him. I personally don't think it's bad if/when the girl makes the first move. Heck I wouldn't find that a turn on, and show me that this girl knows what she wants and isn't scared to, go, for it.

You go and be that girl

reptocarl · Answer

We don't understand signs, signals, hints and can't read minds. We only understand words that are plain and simple leaving no room for misinterpretation. Ask him out yourself

el_enemigo · Answer

if he is lacking then now it's time for you to make the first move. and if he doesn't accept, then break up your friendship, or keep him as a friend and look for another potential partner.

WiseTurtle · Answer

1. No 2. - 3. Maybe he's shy or not ready or god hell knows why 😂

BiDamm · Answer

As a frequently clueless guy, I've been blessed to meet partners who've had the spine to make the first move.  exactly what that should be depends on the guy.

JohnDoe3000 · Answer

Have you ever touched him? Are you really sure he likes you back and it's not just wishful thinking?

FreeMenUnite · Answer

lol he probably thinks you as a friend. its your problem that you put your female pride and fears on the front and sabotaged yourself. be bold and if he rejects you its over.

PlzFuccOff · Answer

You can't. How about you make the move. If you want something bad enough, you will do what it takes to get it.

rajanghumaan · Answer

he is shy.. do the first move.. on next date wear sexy cloths and being hot.. if it fails.. the next step is to make first move.. trust me it will work..

Whysosirius7 · Answer

Make it obvious you want him to, guys are scared girls will call them for sexual assault

hippietri · Answer

he's afraid to make the move, go for it

1995ALEX1995 · Answer

Make the move. Be blunt, and just go for it.

DylanDimock76543 · Answer

lit his butt on fire lol

disgustingweebtrash · Answer

Be worth making the move

How to get a guy to make a move?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

How to get a guy to make a move?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.