21 years old (girl) and never dated. What's wrong with me?

[Anonymous]

I'm 21 years old and unfortunately I have never dated, had my 1st kiss, been approached by guys, or ever (rarely) been shown interest, and yes obviously I am also unfortunately still a virgin. This all causes me so much heartache and regret. I only attended 2 years of middle school where I was outcasted and lightly bullied and completed all of high school online.

I am now in my 2nd year of community college, where I do go to actual classes. Please help me reveal what is wrong with me? I've been told that I'm pretty but guys pay me no attention. I am very shy and quiet, I am very nice but a bit stand offish only because I am extremely insecure with my appearance. I will be 22 soon and I don't want to continue on like this. If you guys would like a picture of me for better assessment of my issue I'd be more than happy to reply with one if possible. Am I ugly? is this why guys ignore me? I feel that yes I am shy but if I was really attractive, this wouldn't stop a guy from approaching me or being interested.

[Anonymous]

You need to work on your insecurities so that you aren't so insecure about yourself try and work on building your confidence up and being not so stand offish

Insecurities can be a turn off and as someone who had self esteem issues and was very insecure about my body and looks being in a relationship will never work out while you have those issues because you will never feel secure enough in that relationship you'll always be thinking negative things that will eventually push the guy away

Don't stress or worry about the fact that you are sitll a virgin there are heaps of people your age and people who are older than you who are still virgins I was 24 when I lost mine and I deeply regret who I lost it too I wish I had waited until the right guy came along

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice. I don't even really care about having sex, I just don't want to be looked down upon for being older than I am supposed to be before having sex. I also don't want to wait forever before being with someone sexually and romantically.

[anxiety_boss]

Even if you were ugly (which you probably aren’t) most guys are attracted by confidence. So work on your confidence and even though it’s hard (trust me I know) try putting yourself out there and go to events. Start conversation with a guy first

[Asker]

Hey, thank you for your response! I'm going to try talking to a guy first and see how it goes. I'd rather a guy approach me though, I've always preferred it this way.

[RtWalton]

Keep in mind that you are only 21 years old. You still have plenty of years left to find a romantic relationship if you want one. As for why people have not approached you yet, it probably has something to do with body language rather than appearance or personality. I have seen that people who are extroverted and expressive with their emotions are often seen as being more romantically approachable than more unexpressive or introverted people. Perhaps training your body language to express your emotions better may cause more people to approach you.

[Asker]

I know I'm only 21 but people tend to look down or even think your immature if you're not experienced in dating at my age. And I agree with the body language advice. When I'm relaxed, guys seem to pay more attention to me/look at me. For example, I went to a grocery store right after showering (which relaxes me becuz usually grocery stores make me a little anxious) and I noticed guys looking/staring more often than they usually did.

[40Ninjas]

You likely are not ugly it is just nowadays most guys do not just go up to random women and ask them out. That is not really okay in today's' culture. You need to make yourself as approachable as possible or even just talk to guys you like. Guys have a lot to risk approaching a girl and many guys fear being called creepy. So I do not think it is you per, unless you look unapproachable, but it is also part of the times.

[Asker]

Thank you for your response! I may be looking unapproachable to guys. How can I come across more approachable if I'm shy?

[Ceasar97]

A picture would be helpful, but there is a good chance that it is something else. Let's start with how you look. If you want you can dm me or we can do right her.

[Asker]

I'd rather just dm you the picture. What is your ig?

[Ceasar97]

jaredkirts

[Asker]

okay I sent it.

[Ceasar97]

Got it, do you want to chat on here or there?

[Asker]

ig is fine. It doesn't really matter.

[LordSnuggles]

Without knowing ANYTHING about you, it's hard to say. We can't even know if you're ugly or attractive because you're too insecure to post a photo. Help us help you.

[Asker]

I am very insecure so I don't want to post the pic for everyone to see. I can privately send it to you and you can maybe help me better?

[LordSnuggles]

That's fine. Hopefully you can be more candid if you want help.

[Asker]

sorry for my not understanding but what do you mean?

[LordSnuggles]

I mean if you want people to help you identify what traits or behaviors might be unhelpful you have to be open and willing to accept it as constructive not attacks. You have to open yourself up to uncomfortable truths. If you can do that we can help. But you have to be brave. Anyway message m when you're ready

[zerner91]

You're social interaction/learning was most likely stunted because you were home schooled in High School. That is the environment that most of those relationship and the things that happen from them develop.

[Asker]

Hey, and thanks for your response. I may be bit socially underdeveloped but I feel like I'm working on this. I'm definitely a lot better than I was. Can I still be attractive to guys despite being a bit socially stunted? I definitely hope so... maybe they'll find it somewhat charming or cute?

[zerner91]

I don't think your underdevelopment is a turn off or unattractive at all honestly. I think you just have to feel comfortable putting yourself out there, taking chances socially, and just being confident in yourself.

[Anonymous]

Be glad that as a girl, the burden of opening your mouth first doesn't fall on your shoulders