Me and my girlfriend only have sex once a month if that?

[Anonymous]

So me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 and a half years. And we only have sex once a month if that. I use to think it was because she’s a good Christian girl and wanted to wait till marriage. I’ve told her we need to meet in the middle. We don’t need to do it 5 times a week but a few times a month would be nice. But she says I can’t force her to do something she doesn’t want to do. And I know that. But I feel like the bad guy for wanting to have sex. What should I do?

[mindNsoul]

Overall I agree with the other girls here but the difference between having a best friend or a brother and a partner is intimacy and sex. I don't get the idea of being selfish in a relationship and only wanting to do things 'my way' sort of thing. To be sexually deprived is not human and not a loving behavior from her end either. You are compromising and sacrificing despite your deep desires and I think it is a double standard for her to be okay with saying 'no' all the time just because she is a woman! I'm not saying nag her, or pressure her, or force her into having sex that is also immoral. But you two will be living as roommates and best friends and not a husband and wife. You need to make a decision wether that's a relationship you want or not.

And I believe we are all sexual with the right stimulate from the right person. So it might be deep down she loves you but just not like that!! I personally won't risk marrying someone like that who might show up one day and tell me now they found the one for them who makes them feel the way they should. Just won't. She might only be settling for you because you are a good Christian man who loves and treat her well. So you are a good marriage material.

I understand that some people on the other hand just have extremely low sex drive but normally when someone loves you they will go beyond their ways and out of their comfort zone to fix it. Whether medically or psychologically. I would even make sure that my partner releases through other sexual activities just to make sure I do my part in making him feel loved the way he wants to be loved. If a man respects my no I would respect his sex drive equally as it is humiliating to keep asking for sex and keep getting rejected. It is a give and take.

You don't want to end up getting divorced with kids in few years, or live with resentment, deprived sexually, cheat or get cheated on. And sex causes other silly arguments to occure. Sex is one of the things 'glue' that keeps the marriage strong. Make a decision that is not blind by love but is realistic. If you are okay with all of that then go ahead. But if you are not 100% convinced then know this will only get worse after marriage and will be a topic of future fights.

[Asker]

We talked about it yesterday. And part of her wants to wait until marriage still and the other part gets horny and wants to have sex every once and a while. She is on birth control too. I just told her I need to know that my needs will need to be met because this kind of thing ruins marriages. She basically told me they will once we are married. She just wants to take things slower and wait until we live together. Which I can respect.

[cougarclaw87]

That's a tough one. Really hard thing to have a conversation about. Have you tried asking her why you don't have as much sex besides her not wanting to? Is there something that she doesn't like about it? Or is there something that you could do to make her want to do it more? Just trying to think of ways to break the ice on this subject. I can't imagine... that's a very uncomfortable thing for each party to have to discuss. They're obviously needs to be some kind of compromise. I already feel like you're the one compromising in this situation. She shouldn't feel forced to have sex with you, of course, but there has to be something that can be done to maybe boost it up a couple more times a month. Good luck to you, I hope that you can get this resolved. You don't want to end up in a sexless marriage or relationship. A quantity versus the quality of sex is very important. You don't have to have the most sex out of everyone, but you could have moments of excellent sex. This is probably something that she is so uncomfortable talking about. So if you do try to have this conversation make sure the timing is perfect. And really try to be lighthearted But at the same time kind of serious. On the plus side, at least you know that she really does love you for you and your personality. It's obvious that your relationship is based on more than just sex and that's great and important too.

[Asker]

It is tough. We try to talk about it but we aren’t good at communicating that which sucks because we were literally made for each other. Everything else in our relationship is awesome. We talk about marriage all the time but it scares me a little bit if I’m going to be upset about this all the time.

[cougarclaw87]

I see? Well this is definitely something you both are going to have to deal with. Sometimes conversations get a little dicey And that's okay. you are going to have to take charge oh, and find a time to Hash this out. Because if you do decide to get married the sex issue will not get better it may actually get worse. If having sex is important to you that's completely normal. Wanting to have sex with your spouse or significant other is totally healthy. And from what it sounds like you're not trying to be excessive or weird. You just would like to have a somewhat normal sex life with the person you love. Maybe there needs to be some encouragement on your end for her to figure out some things that she likes sexually that maybe you could do for her to make her more comfortable with it.

[esssmeralda]

Obviously you should respect her opinion but..
I would honestly be the same way and want sex more often, though if I truly liked the guy I'd be willing to wait and do it once a month. I'd hope that I can communicate and talk to him about how I feel and why it is he doesn't want sex more often. And maybe we could come up with a compromise so that we're both happy.

[sdtabot]

Respect her no. That's it.