Girls, How to appeal to chubby girls in a dating app bio?

[Anonymous]

Looking for help writing a good dating bio here. I like chubby women and would like to appeal to them in the bio but not sure what wording/signals, etc. would be good. I see lots of girls use the phrase "thick thighs save lives" or something like that to hint at this, but how can a guy show he is interested in/comfortable with bigger girls in a bio?
Any thoughts here?

[CarolineHarper]

I feel like the best approach is just to be straight to the point. Like saying you are looking for a bigger girl is fine.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried saying that?
are you looking for a hookup? Or something serious?

[Asker]

Eh not maybe a "hookup" but good with anything from casual to serious. Should I indicate one or the other?

[Asker]

And no, I have not tried that. I did try something to the effect of:
"9/10 experts agree that thick thighs save lives"

[Opinion Owner]

And are you struggling to get responses from that? You could try something that includes physical traits and personality traits in case a woman is turned off that it’s too physically driven “I appreciate a thick and curvy woman with a quit witt” or whatever suits you

[Asker]

I get virtually no matches at all. I basically swiped on every woman in the 4th largest metropolitan area in the country and got 3 matches that went nowhere.
How about "seeking intelligent woman that likes to cook and travel, curves and glasses a plus"?

[Opinion Owner]

I think that’s a good direction in my opinion I would change “intelligent” to “good conversation” because when I see men on apps that say intelligent it makes me think they are pretentious or judgmental. And also you might want to stay away from “likes to cook” because they might think you are expecting them to fill that role. You could change it to “enjoys a romantic night with a home cooked meal” I think “curves and glasses a plus” or “I’m a sucker for some cute glasses and a curvy gal” what do you think? We all have to sift through a lot with online dating and especially when you have a very specific type in mind that narrows it down and then then actually liking you back narrows it further so I would just keep going and don’t get defeated

[Asker]

I feel utterly defeated and at the end of my rope frankly.
I think you make some good points, though I will probabally leave intelligent there as is, I really do want someone intelligent because the most common issue I have run into has been nice girls that just did not have a comparable level of intellect to keep me interested.
Both wordings of the glasses and curves part seem workable, the latter maybe a bit more friendly.
What about "enjoys cooking with me"?

[Opinion Owner]

Sure it’s not a huge deal if you leave it. Just to play devils advocate, you're only trying to get to a first date right? The conversation will tell you if you think she is intellectual in the way you prefer. People who think they are intellectual are one thing and people who actually are don’t have to say it. How do you define intellect? Because you can filter by education level on some apps or you can mention “enjoys to learn about and debate various topics”. and “enjoys cooking with me” sounds great! Now I’m imagining a cute cooking date session rather than a man who’s expecting me to cook for him whether I want to or not 😂

[Asker]

Eh I suppose I am only trying to get the first date, but at the same time I don't see the point in wasting an evening to figure out what I should be able to find up front. I guess I can leave it out, the real issue is getting matched with curvy girls at all which does not seem to happen. I wish I knew what went through their heads when they saw my profile, what makes them swipe left...

[Opinion Owner]

I could suggest making a list of your ideal person and non negotiables then ask yourself “what type of person do I need to be to attract this person?” Then work on improving yourself. Also think about “where do these types of women spend time?” Then join things and hang out in those areas. Sounds like your very specific with what you like which is not bad but will take time and patience to find. Since dating apps are so visual are the quality of your photos good? Do they show your values and interests? Or are they shirtless mirror photos with sunglasses on? Lol I like profiles with a clear smiling headshot, one doing a hobby, and one with a pet or something like that. It also gives a girl a way to start conversation and identify common interests. If you don’t already it’s a good idea to go to the gym, whiten your teeth, utilize a flattering style... the best version of you that you are the more people you will attract

[Asker]

Eh, I have heard the "improve yourself" line so much I have really gotten tired of it. I guess I have a philosophical struggle with the idea that I need to "go to the gym", be someone I am not, etc. to have a relationship. If that is all it is about do I really want it?
I would like to think my photos are alright. Everything is tasteful, no mirror selfies, etc. A couple were taken while I was studying abroad in front of some neat backgrounds, the rest are mostly me at state high-points since that is a hobby of mine.

[Opinion Owner]

Well certainly it has to be of your own volition. It’s not about you changing yourself it’s about you valuing yourself and reaching your full potential mentally, emotionally, physically, intellectually. If you command this from others then you have to hold yourself to the same standard right? I don’t know you, so only you know what could need work (and there is not a single person who doesn’t need to work on themselves). If you want more options the only thing you can control is yourself not other people. I only bring this up because you wondered about having a low rate of matches. I don’t intend to give unsolicited advice. I try to give constructive advice not just what people want to hear, however, no offense is intended! If what you have done so far has not gotten you what you wanted then it’s time to try something different, no? Best of luck to you, I hope you find what your looking for!

[Asker]

No worries, not offended in the slightest.
I mean, I don't really like gym girls so its not a standard I am holding them to.
Its also not as if I do nothing. I work a full time job, have an absurd number of hobbies, and am basically doing something productive for all my waking hours. I rarely watch TV, I don't play video games, I mostly just work, read, write, or do some kind of side projects.
I guess I can see the absurdity of trying the same thing over and over again if it is failing, but it does not really make me any more enthused about the alternatives. I guess I am getting to the point where I doubt it is meant to happen for me.

[Opinion Owner]

Check this out I’m fat, How can I find the right guy (who isn’t fat)? ↗

you sound like you have lots going for you, I’m sure your hobbies will help you find someone! I mentioned gym only because even chubby girls are attracted to fit men. Think about this: if you say ”It’s not meant for me” and you aren’t willing to try anything different than you are almost sure to not get it. You adopt a victim mentality and strip yourself of your power. If you instead look at it as within your control - that should motivate you. Start taking action on what you want some options would be like I said before joining activities and hanging out in areas where you will find what you want, improve the quality of your online profile as you already seem to be (good job) ask yourself “what type of things can I improve to further attract what I want?” And finally, the people who get what they want in any area of life are people who push through when they feel like giving up, they aren’t afraid of failure or rejection, and they know how to get out of their comfort zone, and take actions that will eventually lead them to what they want. These are all things taught to me by my own mentors. I’ve found it extremely helpful in my own life and I hope it can help you in some way too. This mentality can apply to love, career, fitness, anything you want. This isn’t to say that you don’t already have a ton of great things about yourself. This is just a mindset than anybody can only benefit from! I’m happy to hear your opinions too though!

[Asker]

The issue with looking at it as being within my power is I know that is not true, indeed most of my experience has shown that it is not within my power. Some people may be able to just tell themselves otherwise, but I am too much of a realist to ignore that.
And I veiw rejection as a cost, one which no one can bear indefinitely without eventually loosing their self worth and will to continue. I think there is a tenancy to emphasize people that push forward and eventually succeed, but the reality is a greater number push forward and never do succeed for their efforts.

[Opinion Owner]

You’re absolutely right you would have to also adopt a different mindset about rejection to be able to endure it. Well I wish you the best, and i enjoyed chatting! Hopefully that perfect chubby lady will show up on the app for you ;)