Is being independent and unattractive trait?

[lilyanony1]

I asked this because I have been told I'm fiercely independent and because of this I don't let others help, I always say I'm OK.

But I don't ask because usually when I do i could wait for hell to freeze over or its done half heartedly.
I was given the nickname miss independent by an ex friend who found it insulting because for some reason I needed to call her to just chat. But it's weird we met up at least once a week and would chat for hours, I dunno what more she wanted.

[Jjpayne]

It can be and was in fact a factor of losing interest in the last person I dated. It comes off like this, I give you a present and you accept openly and willingly but you try to give me a present I say no and no playfully no but no I won't accept it! That's just a tip of that feeling. Next add on to the fact that as a partner you want to feel invited to their life. The more times you tell them no I don't need any help, means no I don't want you here or to be that special place of sharing you in my life.

Yes, it is refreshing when a girl is independent and she takes care of a lot of her needs leaving everything else to be special but you need to allow for that place for a partner to be special to you. Allow them to get things for you and help you as that is part of have a man shows love

[lilyanony1]

I hear you. I never liked the gifts he bought me. 1. He always bought me designer label stuff I don't wear designer, unless it sports wear like Nike. He always bought things of the minute and in white.
A white watch! I hardly wore white at that time it felt cheap even if it wasn't.
I would go shopping with him and show him the things I liked and he always poo pooed it!
We met when we were 18 and he 21. I didn't think it was right to be killing ourselves to put ourselves out of pocket. But our different mentality means he earns and spends more than me i guess. So much so that he just stopped buying me gifts at all because he thought his taste was too expensive for me and he didn't appreciate anything I got him. Even If I never said I hated it I would wear the gifts I just wasn't happy about them

[Jjpayne]

That's fair. But simply accepting them is a form of love and appreciation that you can save your thoughts about for later

[lilyanony1]

And that I did, I accepted them and wore them

[Jjpayne]

Kudos to you 👍

[AlexanderAnttila]

Are you independent in a healthy way or scornfully independent with regards to men who wish to provide in their families? That makes all the difference. I do not mind a wife who knows how to care for herself and contribute to the household, but I am going to embrace my role as a provider, as a man, and will be the main "bread winner" even though I don't have to be the only one. And I'm not going to have a wife who fights that in some misguided obsession with being a "strong independent woman who don't need no man".

[DizzyDesii]

When a girl provides for herself, it can make some guys feel a bit lost like “well damn what can i do for you.” But they dont realize that even though we’ve got ourselves financially covered, we could still use the emotional support

[lilyanony1]

This! ❤️

[The_Maphio]

Independence is a hell of a positive trait. Why do you think a lot of people prefer cats to dogs? Same reason.
In a relationship between humans though, wanting to help your significant other is a wide-spread standard. Allow him to help or be of any support to you, or the feeling of attachment might become less present and with it the feeling of need to be together.

[lilyanony1]

I found him confusing and conflicting. He wanted me to help him write letters for work etc etc but couldn't even put a shelf on my wall even though thats his job (construction) he liked me to make him look good by giving him money so we could eat in the restaurant without him looking broke but he couldn't even open the door for me when getting into his car. There's no obligation to do certain things it's out of kindness but in the end we just weren't compatible. My independence was just another thing to add to the list.

[The_Maphio]

Those were details that you more or less willfully omitted. The very fact that he asked you for money constantly depicts a type of people not cut for a relationship. Good riddance for you.

[lilyanony1]

But I didn't see it that way especially as we were dating at the age of me 18 and him at 21. I was at uni and he was just working. I guess that should have been a red flag but we were young. I didn't expect him to have everything made, I knew it would be a learning process on both our sides but what I see is that made no difference he was just taking the piss out of me!

[The_Maphio]

A red flag would have been him asking you money even though the one with an income was him.
But 18 is not mature at all (not 21 either but that's not the point) and you possibly didn't think about this little, albeit rather significant detail.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Being capable on your own is a positive trait, but wanting to perpetuate independence is overrated, cooperation is way better, because it's safer, and far more lucrative.

And being independant the point of refusing help? yes, its very unattractive, because logically it's dumb, take every advantage life gives you, not doing so makes no sense.

[PurSeduction]

Asking for help is nothing bad or sth to worry about.

When you, that you are always ok, its a lie.

I dont have more details to further evaluate your acctual question.

Message me if you want a private opinion

[Nobodyherebutme]

Independence is not unattractive, but keep in mind that none of us are strong and capable all of the time. We all have periods of weakness and vulnerability, and we all need a little help now and then. There's no shame in that.

[Anonymous]

It's unattractive to me. Everyone wants to feel needed.

[lilyanony1]

It's more important to feel wanted than needed. Your child needs you, your partner wants you to be apart of their life. Sharing it... Its a partnership

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for telling me what I should find important.

[lilyanony1]

You're welcome

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think being Independent is an attractive trait

[COMMODOREII]

I like independent women.

[Anonymous]

Yes! Me n do not like an independent woman. It is a matter of control.

[legalboxers]

Nope! turn on for me!

[krin_m]

I don't think so. I find independent women very attractive!

[lilyanony1]

Without sounding rude do you think your age has contributed to that or was that always your thing?

[krin_m]

No worries, I don't think that is rude.
That has always been my thinking.

[EaterPeter]

I guess.