Lost my dream person and I'm lost?

[Anonymous]

So my ex-girlfriend dumped me for someone else and it completely ruined me. Its been a year and I'm still struggling she was my dream women in most respects and the night before she left me I had a dream that we would be together till old age. Since then I've just had a lot of rejections and first dates that go nowhere. I can feel myself giving up since I feel like she was the one. I'm in my 30s and in my eyes I don't feel like attractive or bring much to to table. I feel like I have no chance compared to other men with women. On top of that I feel like all the good ones are taken at this point in life.

I guess what iam really asking is how do I not go deeper into depression from all of this and the absolute horrible outlook on my future.

[Mia-Wallace]

Man, that was hard to read.

Is there anything you value in life more than living with someone you love? Like an activity or maybe an academic subject? I knew a man who genuinely loved math more than anything else. I know another one who travels around with a group of scientists and has no plans for marriage or finding love. He's about 35.

I think if loving/being loved by a special someone is genuinely what you value above everything else in life and you feel you cannot change that and/or you are even resistent to change, then whatever I say will be more or less useless. You're living with an either/or mindset where the ultimate condition for your fulfilment (or maybe even your existence) is a woman you love.

You should take a deeper look at your priorities. Maybe put yourself and your health higher in that hierarchy. Also take a look at your identity (we are talking about "you" so we should be able to know the elements that make this "you"). What are the objects, concepts, and persons you identify yourself with? Can you write down your worldview? What are some concepts that seem axiomatic to you?

I am not and don't want to assume you do not know yourself. But we can in fact become forgetful during depression. Negative emotions are at maximum level, our brain bcomes foggy, and we lose focus. Not only we are having a nightmarish experience, we get nearly stripped of the brain power and the focus we need to deal with the problem.

So another thing you need to do is to keep focus in whatever way that's possible to you and try not to let your depression lead to a deteriorating hygene (not assuming you have a bad hygene now), or worse, psychomotor retardation (which I don't think you're dealing with righ now).

Setting a goal for yourself would be great. Both long term and short term, and deadlines as short as the end of this very day for your activities. Exercising is also essential during depression. Your brain would benefit from it.

I said enough I guess. Good luck.

[Pasiton5]

Dude you got it bad s year later a freaking year later and your still feinding over her man wake up open your eyes and look around i bet you see much better looking honeys but later for that, first you need to do trying to replace her with just anyone your caring baggage and it's not fair to who ever your get with at this stage, free you heart mind soul body, of her, focus on you your life you only in youru thirties, take 6 months to get you together, do when you do meet another it will be real no baggage no emotional ties to your past, one day at a time work on improving you learn from your previous relationship what you did wrong what you did right, grow from it ok you got this, it's time to let her go completely bro, prepare you for the real love of your life, your ex, she was a practice run no disrespect to her or you but let go slowly and focus on you ok take care bro, you got this ok be strong focus let go

[Anonymous]

'I'm in my 30s and in my eyes I don't feel like attractive or bring much to to table.'

'how do I not go deeper into depression from all of this and the absolute horrible outlook on my future. '

When you feel that you do not bring much to the table, and are worried about going deep into depression. These are clear signs that you need to find your life long purpose. What were you put here for?

Many spend so much time seeking another, that they forget to find themselves. And one of the best ways of bringing more to the table is to discover your purpose.

Channeling the grief and negativity into building muscle, and strength training is also a good start. But to do this you need to ignore what you're mind is telling you.

Some people fall deeper after a breakup, but you can be the one that chooses to rise higher.

[MCheetah]

Join the club. That happened to me eight years ago, only she died in a fire before we were to get married. You'll get over it, though. Just give it time. ... And play this on repeat.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/ptcX5L8chVc

[bamesjond0069]

As a man you have a lot of room to fix your situation. Hit the gym and eat healthy become hot as possible. Work hard, save money, get ahead financially. Quit bad habits like smoking video games masterbation. Spend more time on good hobbies, religion etc.

Now instead of trying to date a girl your age, because yes, absolutely all the best ones are taken, go for ones much younger.

I've done exactly this. Im 34 and my girlfriend is 18, hot, traditional, definitely a good one.

[KrakenAttackin]

Your dream woman was a brutal cunt. Odds are she had cheated on you multiple times before finally leaving you. You need to recalibrate what a "dream woman" is.

[7771999]

I'm sorry to hear that mate