You are missing the point here that, at first instance it's only apperance what we attract too.Character can only be know after we start interacting with them and spend time with.But what decided whether to want them in life or want to move ahead for relationship is looks. You look, you get attracted and you decide to know them.Physical attraction is also an important thing in relation.
@Danish87 If you make it that way others will see you and treat you that way. I never treat others by apperance by what I see. I am attracted at the heart of the person. So no. Character is something you can easily spot if you pay attention. That is how so many of you end up with not only the wrong kind of person, your dating the wrong people who are dating you for other reasons. And that's it. I don't have any interest in me who see me for my apperance. Looks doesn't solve it. Thats flesh. It is not the an important thing. That is ONLY if you are looking to get sexual. Otherwise, just say you want to get sexual and that's it. Don't call it romance. Unless your waiting for marriage to have sex and care about those morals. Your showing the person your only with them for sex and physical. Because guess what? Your not the only physically attractive person another can date. Why od you think for some women if not almost most who believe what you believe and some if not most men think they can do better? So I know. I have been told this all before. I have been told no man wants date, marry or have as a girlfriend, basically with a woman who refuses to have sex before marriage and "trying before they buy." I literally lived with this. That same person said he was only interested in myt because I was ATTRACTIVE. I litrally had people tell me that if they would have know I was this or that, they wouldn't have bothered. One of them apologized to me years later and said I was correct. And they wished more was like me. So again, no. You don't look at character because your too busy chasing women or skirt who may or may not know you enough or desire the same. I hear it all the time all the girls lack love in their relationships because of this reason.
I have met men who very much would disagree and say they do not do that anymore. They had to grow and mature and learn. They did that when younger because the world tells you that you do this because you need that. That is very much a choice. When I didn't know better growing up I did similarly. I lusted when I shouldn't have. I was attracted to some guys that weren't good for me. Guys who didn't obviously like me back and didn't feel the same. I have been through the whole motions but I had to evaluate and observe myself. There were times I literally called a person ugly out loud and I was reprimanded. Like I told this young lady earlier a few hours ago. You start treating guys a certain way with the "Eww, he's ugly" when you see a guy you're not attracted to but when you see a good-looking man you're with the basically, "Damn, he's sexy. Wouldn't mind giving him your number." Your showing different. That is very obvious signs and by your admission basically, you men, sorry to say, who act like this, don't pay attention and you want to know why so many women think men are clueless. If I see a handsome guy sounding like a jerk. Like I told another user, I ain't dating him. If he has that "Yeah, son! hah hah" and it's an attitude that is unhealthy that is a turnoff. Other girls can swoon and like him, that doesn't mean I do or will. And many girls dated those guys and those relationships don't last. It's fleeting. Mature relationships don't do that. And my friends are in such healthy relationships. Some and a few starting all over again after years and life experiences happen. They had dated and had many ex maybes for those who did, but they had to go through that process.
The same rule applies. If you think women like that and approach us for appearance only. Guess what will happen if that relationship isn't to her satisfaction God forbid? They will and may look elsewhere. I don't care if the guy is Adonis, I will not date him if he feels off and weird to me. And trust me, I trust my gut. If it feels wrong, it probably is. That is how some of my friends ended up with players, attracted to bad boy mentality, etc. Why? What you said. Looks. Remember what you just said. "You look, you get attracted and you decide to know them." But in what, WAY? We all know what that way is. Let's not pretend it's all innocent or romantic because it's not. It's basically sexual if you can't learn to control those attractions. Because that is again, the world's expectations. if you do your homework, look at old photos of people decades ago, not everybody looked like how we looked like. Human's changed a lot physically over the decades due to poor air, food, water, etc quality. The quality of life is also excellent for the few, decent for some, bad for the most.
This is why a lot of women sadly are moving upwards those those men a lot are not screaming the "20%" and "hypergamy" and "its feminism" nonsense. Feminism as I told many only is less than 50% part of the problem. Back then, especially for women, we didn't have a choice who to marry and be with. And for some men, that too. You in India. I'm pretty sure you know very well what your traditions, religion, culture, and community live by. Most if I am not mistaken, please correct me on it, does arrange marriages and rarely has love marriages. Why do you think the western culture has it so bad? Why so many Japanese people are without partners, or are hypersexualized with porn and such over there? The birthrate so low? Why Europe's age of sexual consent is either low to nonexistent? Especially France. I heard about two years ago from a user or two here they now deciding if they didn't already evaluating to have the age of consent laws now, since reports of abuse or something along those lines. Teens having sex with grown men and they feel used. The same reason. So in a way your right, it's only appearance you attract to, why so many guys and women are now confused. Women and girls now believe you have to be attractive to be loved. If your not this age, this shape, have this amount of partners and or experience, your not attractive or are already. People do this with lust and self-fulfillment. Not to love, which is why marriages today for most runs on lusts, and when it burns out, sex drops or marriages crumble.
@btbc92 Just read it again 1. I haven't use the word looks.2. I use the word apperance and attraction.You need to know to differentiate between good looks and attraction.Whatever you said about looking into one's character and all 'I Agreed'.But how you will start conversation or Willing to know any person? It's only when you are attracted to them.Now attraction can be by their looks or their personality.And at very beginning it's by looks. And looks are subjective for every one.
Really ask yourself does this sound like the proper way to start a happy and satisfying relationship? It's ok to have your looks etc. But remember that not everybody is always going to keep that and maintain it all the time. You start changing too much or even a little, these days people will either think you not attracted to that person and may desire elsewhere. We are not talking about people who may be, obese, etc. We are talking about people who often go after people they are interested in for relationships that person may not want or desire because you don't fit the criteria or even league. When it overall comes down to sex, yes, in a way you do need to be somewhat attracted to a person to desire sex with. But for women usually, we need more than just the physical. We also need to feel, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, etc. And most guys together pay attention to like you said as with some women, looks first, personality last, character a big MAYBE. But you know what many of you don't ask or scared to? How manyt people you slept with? Are you sexually active? Etc. You wait to date or have sex and be extremely involved or you don't at all. Get married and then wonder why your marriages are suffering or your not attracted to that person anymore. Guess why? She was lusting after you, you to her. We are not talking about the innocent romance between a boy and a girl who may not have gone through puberty yet. We are talking about teens to grown adults who have yet to understand what the true value of love means.
Your attraction to the person physically may more likely be genetic. That is usually for procreation reasons due to genetic and sexual compatibility. Which is why some women may feel like sleeping with the guy which is why they often don't understand why they're attracted to him and it's because they are sexually and maybe genetically compatible to have children. This sadly is why some couples who are married cannot have children, but a woman may be able to get pregnant by another man. Like my aunt has told me recently, especially if she isn't allergic to the man's sperm. So as your reading from me. It has nothing to do with love, It is can you procreate and make offspring or can't you. That's it. So really think about that before saying I am missing the point. I understand so well is why I am celibate, never dated, am a virgin, and still single. Because I care more about love than having some guy in my panties. Be if I can have children or not, without a healthy union, without love, you're just going to hurt your kids in a loveless marriage. Without love, you cannot have sex. Otherwise, it will be just about sex out of need and desire and not love. If a person is vulnerable and their boundaries are weak, they may find themselves with other people which is why there is a lot of infidelities, because of why? Somebody became or is more attractive than their partners. If even chubby, fat, or whatever you want to call them can find people to actually love, be it if they lose weight or not, why are so many of you people struggling?
So be very careful about that. There wouldn't be such thing as love spells, divining stuff for those things, and how to attract a person, etc if attraction wasn't that important. Because it is again a genetic and spiritual thing. Because you do not want to be attracted to somebody whose spirituality doesn't attract you without you feeling forced. That is how a good amount of women and some men end up with abusive partners. When this question was asked, that's why I answered it the way I needed to. It is for the mature, not those who aren't or don't care about love.
@btbc92 Yes India has major of arrange marriage.How family or girl/boy decide whether to accept the proposal at first is decided by 2 things1. How he/she looks (70%)2. Seeing his/her family, education and background.Whatever thier character is but if not attracted physically is rejected. Character comes later only when first stage is passed.
@btbc92 I feel you have experienced something bad and that has made you skeptical about relations.Your mind has fixed to one view. (Not a personal comment but that's what it felt)
@Danish87 Again, this is why there isn't any love. Why so many people are against it. You are forced to love and try to. But I bet many of you do not actually do. Very few do and will. As I said, it is about sex. If you're not having sex or children that's it. As marriage should be about sex. It is not about love. Women want and desire love. But she will deny love for herself if it pleases her husband and community. That is why. Because if you not attractive, they won't want to love or have sex or children. Again, if you believe that and like that. That is you. And whomever you desire. But that is not me and the rest of us that desire a true marriage that needs more than just a sexually attractive mate, be it if education or not.
No. I've experienced bad. But I know myself. I am not like the rest of you and never was. If I was, trust me, why do you think over here so many women are sleeping around and having sex? They don't see the point anymore. There is only one reason why a lot of your women are not doing some of that because in your culture they would be greatly rebuked and ridiculed. I am not skeptical about relations. I know what God says about it, and 1 Corinthians 7 makes it extremely clear. It is about SEX. Period. I will not pretend it is about anything else other than that. But to love or not is a choice. Here is what I had to learn. I don't always allow my feelings to dictate my choices. If I want to get to know you I will be if your attractive or not. It is a choice. If I didn't then I don't. It is still a choice. People have to live with their choices and pick in mates, friends, whoever. It is a choice. Because if your not married, or in a stable relationship, how can you tell me that what is or isn't, no offense?
I am by myself for a reason. If a man is into porn, premarital sex isn't a believer in God and in Christ and doesn't respect me, I am not dating that man. Because if I grew up in your culture, I would know I would have to obey and be obedient and listen to my husband without lib, question, and to his authority. Anything he desires. Be it if he is handsome or not. Either I am married or I am an old maid and may be a burden to the family. This is why they push especially for women to marry young and for you to marry to pass down not only genes but inheritance and finances. Religion or beliefs, political, financial, etc is why a lot of you marry to bring together families and increase in relations. Your culture is interesting, fascinating even, but look. I may not be Indian, but at least you rock your wedding parties and celebration in style and you can only hope you have a good wife or man. I am far more realistic in that area than you think. That is how it was during Biblical times, as it is in a way for your culture and tradition. Just because I never dated, it doesn't mean I am not knowledgeable. While others dated, I studied and learned and took time for myself. Nothing wrong with either. But I know that if I am not desirable for who I am, I can never truly be happy with a man. I am not perfect and trust me, my flesh would require you not to be anything that I am not going to be happy with long-term. I had to learn to deal with my flesh. My hair is not that great, my teeth are not straight, I have dry skin and all. I suffer from health issues, I have enough stress as it is in life. I love people unconditionally out of choice. Be it if your homeless or not. That is just me. I do not expect everybody to share those sentiments. You are free to find those women who desire you. But I have the right to be if I wasn't celibate, with a man after God's own heart also regardless of what he may look like if I am called to be with that man.
I have met a good amount of Indian women, girls, and young men who just wants somebody to love. They don't all think like what you're saying. They are human are seeking something deeper. Not everybody goes deep beyond the surface level. Those with innocent and pure hearts are rare to find. Yet many want for their personal desires and others suffer. It is best to find people who are equally yoked to you. That is why marriage originally should be based on. In everything. Because you can have the education, money, background, looks, etc. If your not as one and equally yoked, you won't be able to properly hold a marriage the way you need to. You will have your arguments. But like I said, if you are not prepared for that and what is expected and required of you, as I said, again, akin to some Muslim cultures and other beliefs, your community and others may judge you based on that and performance. If you're going to be married as in any culture, you cannot be having fleeting ideals. And that's what most people today are looking for coupling with physical attraction. But one or the other. Which is why they push the physical first, and maybe love later. If looks are going to be my focus and for marriage, I at that point have to put my "business face" on. So if a man is expecting that much from me, then he should know I would be expecting much from him as well. Equally.
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