Is it bad to have sex during the first date?

Question

A friend of mine invited me to her house tomorrow and asked out of "curiosity" that if I believe in sex at first date. At least for me, knowing her a little bit, I feel this is a hint that she is interested in having sex with me tomorrow or in the future. In my opinion, im not ready to date anyone, i am attracted to her physically, but im not ready to have a date in terms of building a relationship. What can I say to her?

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

she is floating a ballon or she is testing you. Say what is true to you.

it should be concerning though that you aren't ready to date anyone, but you are ready to perform an act which can make offspring, create emotional bonding. You can get looped into a relationship. Why not give it a go if that's how it goes?

If you don't like her as a person, you see red flags... you said physically only... then don't. So that raises the question what are your values. your values and goals should guide you, not the whims of someone else, else you are a piece of driftwood in life and that isn't going to go well. And then I'd inspect those goals to see why, and do any repairs required before getting into this stuff. Lessons learned in life the hard way. Ask me how I lost 15 years of my life.

Daydreamer1983 · Accepted Answer

There are no, ahem, hard and fast rules. Each case is unique. However, a female friend of mine did this (despite myself and others advising her not to given the guy had a bit of a reputation) and she ended up getting really emotionally hurt. Ireally think it is worth waiting until a few dates down the line. If the other person is worth your time and feelings, they will still be about in a few weeks time.

As others have said, if it is clear from the beginning what the intentions are, fair enough. Just remember emotions are hard to measure equally in people, and the likelihood of someone getting their feelings hurt are high.

Good luck!

natured · Accepted Answer

Be honest, why do you have to force yourself into something that you don't want? Tell her exactly that, tell her that you want to keep things slow, and that you are attracted to her but that you want to build things slowly because it's the natural way of building things...

Seinna · Accepted Answer

Why are you dating if you say you're not ready for a relationship? If it's just about sex then I don't understand your question... but yes, you should be upfront about something like that.

hahahmm · Answer

Women are always hinting at lots of things and some guys can pick up on the signals but most guys are total retards about it (till they get older, I guess). It's YOUR CALL how you deal with that. If you ignore it nothing will happen & nothing will change. You don't have to do anything. If you do pursue... your relationship will change forever.

I personally wouldn't go down this road with a friend because it could also be a problem when you do decide you want more (whether with her or someone else). At least for me it would be. I like to keep my life simple.. it wouldn't make a very exciting movie.

Dalton57 · Answer

As much as it pains me to say so I must say yes it is bad.
It is not the way to start a healthy relationship.
It can negatively impact trust and respect down the road.
Some people with malign intent would do this to ensnare you.

So yeah. Not good. That means bad.

Aside from all that, sex is much better when you know someone a bit.
Sex when you meet is sex-worker territory.
No good reasson really than instant self gratification. Not a trait that will serve a loving relationship well in the long run.

Qdbrown · Answer

You sound like you might be open for a relationship, and you're not. She just wants to sport Fk, and you want to get a baring on where this is going.

You're looking at easy sex. That is it. As young as you are, probably not a bad idea, but if she gets claws into you, she will expect a relationship. If a first date turns booty call, don't let it ever graduate into a relationship. Once a booty call, always a booty call. Easy girls need to remain easy girls. Just like cheaters are always cheaters. Buyer beware...

red324 · Answer

No because in my opinion if a move isn't made within the first three dates girls start overthinking and getting squirrely on me. It's simple logic. When they're horny have sex with them... I fingered a girl in her car on the second date. Didn't take things any further than that, but I probably should have suggested we go back to her place at that point or maybe pull the car to a different area of the parking lot and have sex in the car. All I did was place my hand on her leg and kind of left it there for a few minutes when we talked, then slowly moved it closer to her pussy. It just kind of happened naturally.

MeghanL · Answer

It may be a hint as you describe or it may be an attempt to feel you out & ascertain the possibility or likelihood.

If things escalate to that point there is the option of honestly communicating how you feel. No need to be dramatic or mean-spirited, just be honest.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

"im not ready to have a date in terms of building a relationship" um whats that even mean? Sounds like you're putting the cart before the horse if you ask me. Dates are just to get to know someone. Period. Nobody in their right mind is going to expect you to get married or move in together. She might not want to see you again either you know, this isn't the year 500 where women have no choice.

Either go with the girl because you want to get to know her or cancel and dont go with her. Its that simple. If you go and have sex then you do and if not you dont.

Now in my opinion if you have sex on the first date she's a low quality woman. I personally wouldn't date her if she did that. But its not about you saying no, its about her saying no. So id personally go and try and if it happens id not continue with her and if she stops you before it goes all the way then id be more likely to see her again.

Interstate · Answer

YES!!! Sleeping with somebody on a first date is just a dumbass move on SO many levels. It is bad enough indulging in sex outside of the ring finger, but to do it on a first date imho is just irresponsible, not to mention dangerous. For all you know, the other person may be setting you up to either cost you... perhaps your life!

GingerGuy · Answer

So it's not just sex, but to date even that you aren't ready for? I'd just be honest with her and explain how you feel.

In general, I don't see anything wrong with sex on the first date if it goes well and BOTH of you are comfortable with it and each other. I've done it. It's a fantastic ice breaker also! But, you aren't ready for that and aren't comfortable, so don't do it. Just be clear and honest with her. Tell her you find her very attractive, but you're not ready.

1Anon · Answer

It depends on the guy and the situation. It’s not always the best option and I had never done it until the last guy I dated and he ended up becoming my husband (we’re still together).

k2ocon · Answer

Depends on the context here. Are you just meeting on this date? Or have you known eachother long before?

Bottom line is, don't have sex for anyone other than yourself or someone you know that wouldn't pressure you into the sort of thing.

bobalife · Answer

The best thing to do is just be real of your intentions. It saves drama and confusion. Nobody deserves to be lead on either. If you just wanna have a ONS or friends with benefits, let her know.

Mofunfour20 · Answer

"lets just see where things go". Because putting the burden of performance on her would be wise since she brought up sex in the first place. Sounds like an easy lay on your part, especially if you really like her.

he-takes-a-part · Answer

The chemistry decides
All others can say is:
You dont have any pre conceived notion and your own rules imposed instead just live the atmos and let it go whatever happens if either if them walks with their own shit principles the date no more remains first and new but to be carried on the way you always wanted it to be this way the natural flow won't come half of the date and relationship end in this narrow sense of understanding

Pistolpete90 · Answer

I think you need to be clear with her about what you don't want, just so if you do have sex, she knows it's only that. Might be that's all she wants anyway.

MudRucker · Answer

Tell her you think she is hot but not to expect a full blown relationship if you do have sex.

Being upfront can keep her from being hurt.

Once you talk to her she can decide to have sex with you or not knowing you are not looking for a relationship.

Also, if she still wants to have sex will you go for it?

Anonymous · Answer

Just imagine how many other men she had sex with prior to you on the first date. That's the definition of a slut. Would you want a girl like that to be your girlfriend? I certainly don't.

slut

n.
A person considered to be sexually promiscuous.
n.
A woman prostitute.

Jlegacy · Answer

Be honest with her. If you want no relationship, don't play with her. Girls are not robots. They have sexual needs and weakenesses, and this is her period of weakness. Show her some mercy.

SamA_nold · Answer

As long as you are taking proper safety measures and making well informed decisions, nothing wrong with it 🤷

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

From experience, it's no good in telling her just what you think she wants to hear. Tell her the truth. Is it bad? That depends on you. If you think it's bad, then it's bad.

elizamichale1 · Answer

Not really I opten do it on first date or how would i know if i m coming for 2nd lol

AdithyaR · Answer

Well personally, I don't even kiss on the first date. Physical stuff, I hold off until I get to know them.
But that's how I do it.
You don't need to follow that. It depends on whether you and your partner are ready. If you are then go ahead.

Shanaya_S · Answer

It just seems very desperate to me and makes you come off as easy. I would never do it. I'd still be hesitant to have sex with anyone till 5th or 6th date maybe even more.

somesoul · Answer

If he directly invites you to his home /hotel , then do it haha

victoriaxoxo · Answer

I don’t think it is bad. People do it all the time.

Goldnessy · Answer

Exactly what you told us. İf she doesn't understand it, she is not meant to be "yours".

EyesOfGod · Answer

For a pump 'n dump, no thats perfect. If you want an actual girlfriend just imagine how many other guys pumped 'n dumped in her. Besides if she's that loose she'll probably cheat.

msc545 · Answer

You can either say "yes", or "no", but if you say no, don't plan on seeing her again - women get really insulted when they want to sleep with you and you refuse them since they are not used to this like men are.

Ellieecreme · Answer

If your looking for an easy hookup that's the way to go , ofcourse I wouldn't 💯💁

Aquariusmystery · Answer

I wouldn’t only because I don’t do that unless I’m in love and committed

Drumlin2001 · Answer

It's sex, not a relationship. Be clear that you're not looking for anything other than a physical fling, and fill your boots

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I don't know that it's bad, but it usually doesn't lead down the road to a long lasting relationship.

slatyb · Answer

Just tell her how you feel about sec on the first date. You can have sex without moving in together.

K-I-S-S · Answer

No, if you both communicate first, about what you want and what this sex is. Nothing too serious talk, but you know.

m33lad · Answer

You talk like a 16 year old girl? Are you a guy? Good God? Act like it!!! The way you talk I think she wants a friend.  Seems like you dry up vag1nas with your soyboy personality.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Don't do it, man. It's a trap. She just wants a free sample of your dick without paying for it.

SupremeWarlord · Answer

Say whatever you honestly think, I think this is one of the moments where you can "be yourself", don't try to guesswork what she wants you to say.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

Nope. It is not. It’s about all the other qualities that matter and they will eventually come out and show no matter how much sex you’re having.

Gramkabir · Answer

If you want to convert your date to one night stand, then you can go for it...  Should have some principle on this... Don't jump into girls even if you've the clear signal.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't know.

Browneye57 · Answer

"Sure, let's fuck." Dear lord, your game completely sucks. LOL

Anonymous · Answer

She's not asking you about "building a relationship." Her question wasn't "do you believe in exclusivity after the first date." She asked about sex. How do you feel about having sex with her?

SynthKobra · Answer

Why would it ever be bad? If you’re both feeling it then fuck all over the place.

Dahlia21 · Answer

Be honest with her and see what she'll say. Maybe she's also after the physical relationship other than dating.

Anonymous · Answer

You can say "I'm DTF but I'm not down to be your boyfriend next week."

Open2It · Answer

First, verify that's the case. Then, tell her that you're not looking to date but you're very attracted to her physically... would she be interested in friends with benefits?

Slim57 · Answer

Honestly I think for me it is, I've done it and it was fun but the build up of getting to that part was a lot funner and more enjoyable in the end for me

Anonymous · Answer

Fuck her, then worry about the other stuff later. It will all work out, and you'll be better off than not having fucked her.

BubbaTech · Answer

Only if you want to doom the Relationship to failure. It isn't always about sex.

Wise4myage · Answer

Its fine if all you are looking for is a one night stand.

Shy_Steve · Answer

I reckon sex after first Date is okay, But at a first date or during is a bit wrong.

MissEm96 · Answer

As long as everyone is upfront about their intentions then do whatever you want I say. Just be prepared for the fallout

legalboxers · Answer

I did.. I ended up in a long term with them for maybe a year..

nickaboy · Answer

You know you Just want the sex so ask her to hook up not date a date implies you want more than sex

DaMack999 · Answer

Girl or guy will think you're easy and not worth to be Ms. Right or Mr. right.

Anonymous · Answer

If you’re not ready for a relationship don’t go on a date with anyone. Dates can lead people on.

astep · Answer

It's not bad at all if you are both interested just for sex

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, it gives the impressing she's willing and ready to sleep with anyone and everyone.

Anonymous · Answer

If a woman has sex with me on the first date I probably won’t take her seriously as a long term partner. First date sex isn’t wifey behavior

JennBITx · Answer

I try not to, but it does happen

LemiaOfChampions · Answer

I eather not rush into anything sexual

Is it bad to have sex during the first date?

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