Is sex on the first date good or bad?

[Marinaughty]

I have a habit of going to lots of date, getting to know a guy for a while until I feel it's enough to move onto next step like sleeping together usually it doesn't happen fast. However 2 of my Flatmates are girls n they all bring her first date home n eventually have sex with them. They told me it's better n faster that way n I've been doing it wrong because the guy will run away if I let them wait for long time. I prefer to take it slow n if he just wants sex then he'll disappear soon n it's even better for me to eliminate fuckboy out of my life, isn't it? Am I doing it wrong? Am I too outdated for nowadays relationship?

[SteveSmith1985]

This is sad. You are right. Your flatmates are wrong.

IF your flatmates are looking for a guy to think of them as serious candidates a guy would consider having a meaningful, longterm relationship with... they are sadly mistaken in how they're going about it.

You are ABSOLUTELY DOING THE RIGHT THING.

I've written about this--at length--for someone else's question fairly recently, but can't remember what the question was (exactly) otherwise I would just link that.

Feel free to message me if you'd like me to expand on that--I certainly can. But if you just kinda want people's quick anwer... mine is... YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT. 100%. YOU ARE DOING NOTHING WRONG.

You will keep a GOOD guy around. Your flatmates will have A LOT more trouble doing that... the GOOD guys will fuck them... and they might even be around for a bit... but THEY won't stick around.




Don't listen to your flatmates... they won't get the guys you actually want.

And... enjoy being seen as a woman who doesn't sleep with any random guy she doesn't know. That's what a guy is going to assume. It's his first date with your flatmate. He is... random. He cannot be "special" in any way. Your flatmate just met this guy. What do you suppose that guy thinks about that girl? In terms of:

"What kind of woman... do I want to make my longterm girlfriend? What are the kinds of things I'm looking for in a woman I'm going to consider possibly getting serious with"

A woman who sleeps with random guys (like he is to her; at that point), or even a woman who's slept with every first date she's ever been on... is not the girl you want to make your girlfriend... and definitely not your wife (ever).

It seems that she is not at all discriminating in who gets sexual access to her body. That seems to a guy; to indicate you don't have very much respect for yourself. Whether it IN FACT means that is not what I'm arguing, and it's not really what matters in this case; in this case, what matters is the PERCEPTION YOU CREATE in the guy's mind.

So regardless of whether or not there is any ACTUAL truth in the guy's belief... If you sleep with a guy on the first date, in my opinion, he is BY FAR; less likely to ever take you seriously as a prospect for a meaningful longterm relationship.


If you want a lengthier explanation let me know. Otherwise. Keep making the changes you're making. You will have a better chance of success.


Before you pipe in with examples that contradict this. I acknowledge that there certainly are cases where a happy couple, who's been together for years and years totally had sex on their first date... and who would agree with your flatmate's position.

I'm just saying... I don't think I'm alone in seeing it my way. ;)

[Marinaughty]

Wow this is like an indeep understand on how a guy will look at this sex on first date stuff, I appreciate your advices n explaining so much. It makes me understand guys a bit more than before and it makes me feel much better on my personal life as those previous advices come from a mature man.

[JeRayhatt]

I totally agree with this guy. I wouldn't wanna date a girl who sleeps around, thats cheap. An intelligent woman will value an intimate relationship more. I think people have to understand more that being intimate is someone isn't all just for fun and lust or pleasure, it something valuable that is being given away. I only being intimate with a girl who loves me and doesn't seek for only a short moment of pleasure

[SteveSmith1985]

@ Marinaughty I'm glad this helped you feel better about your personal life :)
Believe it or not, this was the 'short' version of my answer. It was concerning to read you questioning yourself on this... when you are so clearly right. It would be crazy if your flatmates talked you into adopting their view. Like a terrible (unintentional) joke on your whole love life and search for a mate generally.

Now, @JeRayhatt Thank you very much. I can't say that my own views align with yours completely, but I think I certainly agree with some of your general sentiment. :)

[JeRayhatt]

I think your flatmates are wrong about that and you're right to take it slow if you want a true and healthy relationship. A guy who truly likes you and see that you're special to him will wait. And guess what, sex isn't what matters anymore in relationship.
I once dated a girl long distance, we loved each other, sex didn't matter. I waited for 2 years to get physical with her. I didn't cheat, nor did i even wanted another girl then, because i loved her. She was the only girl in my heart.
Just remember, sex doesn't matter. What matters is you find a good partner for life and you can work out your problems together in sync. Good luck

[Marinaughty]

Yes, I want a good guy who truly loves me, not just their for sex, thank you my friend 😁. I still remember our very longgg discussion back then haha

[JeRayhatt]

Aha de nade mi amiga. I do too😂 I've got a habit of making a long conversation in the comments. I wish you good luck in finding that guy.

[Marinaughty]

Thank you my friend, me too I also write pretty long haha.

[laurieluvsit]

If the chemistry is there, I don't see any reason not to, but if that's not your thing, never let anyone make you feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do.

[Marinaughty]

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts 👍

[R4vedave]

It depends on whether or not you're comfortable with it. There's no objective good and bad, there's different speeds for different people. If you prefer to go slow, then do that, you'll find other people just like you. And same goes for those who prefer to move a bit quicker.

Just go with your own feelings

[Marinaughty]

Thanks for your advice, it's really helpful 👍

[broken_heart_at_48]

I prefer to get to know her better for sure but if it happens the first night I guarantee it's gonna be a night to remember. If it happens and it feels smooth like it just happens naturally then great but if it's just to get laid it's probably not going to last

[Marinaughty]

Thanks for sharing your opinions

[COMMODOREII]

It's up to you really. I mean for me if we feel we want each other after one date then i would but i like the idea of waiting too. Mainly because some girls think that after they have sex on the first date that i don't want anything else from them but sex. And i want to get to know them. So it sometimes makes me wonder who really just wanted sex.

[Marinaughty]

I have read people opinions n I think it really depends on age, probably I'll be like that when I'm about 35 yo haha

[cavmanier]

I feel the same way as you. Sex on a first date is ridiculous to me. I find it sad that your friends think it's what everybody should do.

[Marinaughty]

Thanks for sharing what you thought, I'm 29 n my Flatmates are around 22, probably different group of age does behave differently.

[cavmanier]

Just don't feel pressured by them. I don't like how people think they need to be the same as others.

[Marinaughty]

I guess my Flatmates lifestyle doesn't me 😁

[normalice]

At my age if we're not having sex by the third date then I just assume she isn't into me. Sex on the first date merely indicates that she's serious.

[Marinaughty]

Thanks for sharing your opinion.

[MissDawn7961]

sex with your spouse on your honeymoon is the best ! thanks

[Marinaughty]

Hahaha my mom told me this too, thank for sharing your opinions 👍.

[manofstyle]

If a guy only keeps going out with you because you had sex with him then he's not interested in you as a person, he's just going with you because he knows he can get sex.

[Marinaughty]

That's right, that's what I think as well. I'm glad that this advice comes from a guy 👍

[zagor]

You have to do what's right for you. Screw what's trendy, or what is right for your roommates (can I get their number?).

[Marinaughty]

Haha I hope they don't see this question or else they will kill me 😅😅

[Lotusinwater]

Lol I wouldn’t sleep with them on the first date because they’ll think your easy and won’t respect you ✊

[Marinaughty]

And that's not what I want to let people think about me, they get guys pretty easy n it sometimes makes me wonder do guys prefer sex on first date but I'm glad to hear all great advices about this.

[MannySimms]

Sex as a reward? If so, that's just plain wrong.

[Pejtu]

First date or third whats the difference
I dont see any

[Marinaughty]

Really? Probably I'm a bit old fashioned 😅😅

[Pejtu]

You are for sure 😂

[Marinaughty]

I like that honest opinion hahaha

[Pejtu]

Im always brutally honest 🤣🥳

[Anonymous]

It’s not bad if it feels right but if you wait to long we will just find someone else because it feels like you’re not interested

[Marinaughty]

Right, this is something that concerns me as well. Thanks for sharing your point of view 👍

[Opinion Owner]

No problem

[joe503]

Depends what your looking for, to me see on the first date always indicated short term.

[Marinaughty]

Thanks so much, I appreciate your advice especially when it comes from a guy perspective 👍

[ask4any]

You do what feels right for you. Flatmates do what's right for them. There's a time and a place for everything.

[Anonymous]

You are doing it right. Your pussy should be the prize that is earned not given on the first day

[Marinaughty]

Hahaha this actually sounds pretty nice, I like that 👍.

[foxrider77]

What else are you suppose to do, play cards.

[Marinaughty]

Haha that actually sounds fun

[AynonOMouse]

You are doing it right and your friends are ding it wrong.

[Marinaughty]

Thanks so much, I guess their method suit their lifestyle more than my lifestyle 😅

[ecfresh]

It’s bad for too many reasons.

[alance99]

You are doing the right way

[Marinaughty]

Good to hear that 👍

[alance99]

Just stay confident and you'll get the best around you 🙂

[Marinaughty]

Hopefully haha