How Do I Avoid Hurting Him?

Question

Right guys I have nobody else to talk to about my love life. So here goes...

I went on a date with this guy and he was VERY kind to me. He did everything right, set out his intentions and I could tell that he really liked me. When I wanted to leave, he kept pushing for extra time and kept taking random photos for memory. He insisted on buying me more food and he was too nervous to eat around me.

So the issue is I really don’t want to hurt this guy but I just wasn’t feeling him. He’s a lovely guy but he’s just not for me. What do I do? And what do I say? When do I say it? I don’t want to crush him he was so excited to be with me.

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

I think is just to be honest, and straight to the point... you're not feeling it and it is not working for you, that is all... that will suck for him but it will be just for a while, and he will get over it and move on... and if he does not, well, that is up to him... his level of maturity for these things are his responsibility, not yours... you already tried, you gave it a chance and it just didn't work out, now, just be honest and hope he appreciates that, as he really should

Pterodon · Accepted Answer

This is the reality and why we date. It’s to see if there’s a connection. You just tell him you think he’s nice but he’s just not for you. DO NOT SAY LETS BE FRIENDS

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Just be honest with him miss alyssa in a kind way but i just don't get it, if he's lovely, nice, good and everything than why there was no connection with him? There must be something that you didn't like about him, maybe something in his physical trait...

I'm going to ask you something miss alyssa rapunzel but don't take me wrong...
When you meet or date guys you lose hope cause the majority are either bad or liars or they have something negative and you become sad and your right to feel like that but on the other hand when you meet someone nice and good you say that there is no connection or this and that... etc

Miss alyssa, there is no PERFECT MAN, it's not like ordering pizza, making it your own way and get it perfect 😄

Some girls are beauty icons but their inside is sh*tty and some are just ugly and some are good looking aka "acceptable" but they are wonderful from the inside, it's nearly impossible to find a girl who combines all these traits in her, which means that we have to accept the person with his positive and negative side 😌

I hope you get my point or you will never find mr perfect because he simply doesn't exists...

ZDoes · Answer

The truth, only the truth and do it as quickly as you possibly can. Do not streach it out. Do not put it off. You are going to hurt him. Not avoidable. The key here is not to make it worse. The longer you wait. The more it will hurt. And in truth what you're doing is saving yourself the pain of the guilt over hurting him, which is perfectly normal. It only becomes pathological if you ghost him or string him along for free meals and the occasional new piece of jewelry. Show some mercy, be quick about it. Because he, is building a fantasy life with you in a happily ever after in his head. It gets stronger with every passing second. So don't wait. Do it now. You don't have to explain yourself. You don't have to go into details or reasons. Thank him, tell him that he was very sweet, but he's just not your type.
And you can be confident that you were authentic and acting with integrity and honesty. And there's never a good reason to feel bad about that.

sweetmessposts · Answer

I think I saw this other question from you a while back about a guy talking about kids even before the first date. "When I wanted to leave, he kept pushing for extra time and kept taking random photos for memory"... I'm sorry but he doesn't seem to have good manners 💀💀 There is a difference between someone who is caring and someone who is controlling, so don't bother with his rude comments afterwards. I wanted to answer this question earlier but it took me so long to think of a response lmaoo 💀 I'm glad it is over now

ohshee · Answer

Everything you just said right there but you have to tell him and he has to understand and respect that and if you really truly likes you then he will without the problem you can't crush anybody by being honest with him you can always crash somebody if they're only thinking about themselves if he's thinking about you and the best for you then he will be okay but if he's only thinking about himself of course it's going to crush him should want the best for you

Crazybeeguy · Answer

Let me ask you this, what if I have the same problem with a women. I think she's not the right women for me. But she insists that we are a match made in heaven. How would you recommend that I let her down gently, she has a higher risk of depression. I just don't feel that vibe with her. How would I break up with her without hurting her feelings?

zeitgeist057 · Answer

Just be honest. If you are honest now that he is "a lovely guy" then maybe you could try to be friends? Just from your description I feel like the chemistry is wrong, like he was a bit too much, too nice, too eager, it sounds kind of tense, tbh. But like I say, maybe you could be friends and bring it down a notch from a romantic expectation or possibility and see if he is still a lovely person?

Z1pTD · Answer

You could say you want to keep being friends but aren't interested in him romantically, or you could keep dating him tentatively. here's what my mom said (and let me say that she's very successfully piloted us kids through some stuff), “if two people spend enough time together theyll eventually learn to love each other.” Keep in mind that she said this when (as she predicted) my older brother married somebody who he previously dislike quite a bit (theyre still happily married by the way lol)

Anonymous · Answer

I would have given him three to five more dates my first two dates with my kid's mom was a disaster the third date oh yeah that's when the fun started. He showed you that he was desperate and clingy that was not a wise strategy on his part you not giving him another chance or another date was also not wise unless you were doing the speed dating application

Anonymous · Answer

Well, he just didn’t use the right method to make you have love feelings for him. Now, you don’t want to be with him so you can either just tell him that and tell him to not take it personally, or you can tell him to do research online on how to attract girls if you are so willing to go into a chance in him flipping your feelings for him. Warning: if you go for that second direction, there may be no way out. He may be yours for life. Choose carefully.

crazysassypaws21 · Answer

this might cheese but it really is the best way just do it, just tell him ur not feeling and it might and he might try chance ur mind if ur really not feeling then just stick to ur guns and i say this about girls too not just guys it really is the best way to be just straight forward with the guy hope that helps

zzombie · Answer

You've gotta be honest with him, the longer you drag this on the more it will hurt him so just be blunt. You can say something like: "Thanks for taking me out but this isn't going to work. We aren't compatible, I think you're a lovely guy but I didn't feel a connection."

MrPickles13 · Answer

Just be honest but kind. Maybe say how he's a lovely guy and all that and you enjoyed your date but there's just no spark there.

And maybe just say that as nice a time as you had your not the girl for him but there is one out there.

Maybe something like rhag. Just make it clear that there isn't anything there for you. But just be kind about it. If that doesn't work just be very firm but try to avoid being rude.

Just some suggestions hope they help.

JustinTimberlegs · Answer

Hey bro you're such a good friend you remind me of my uncle he was such a nice guy

Fireguy17 · Answer

Just come out and talk to hi..
Leading someone on because you don't wish to cause them any pain can actually make things worse in the long run.
At some point he can tell something is wrong.
It isn't easy but it is the right thing to do.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

What you do is be honest. He's just not your type be honest with him trust me he'll appreciate that more and who knows you might make s good friend in the process

Anonymous · Answer

Text him like any friendly convo but if he asks you out again don't reply just ghost him and hopefully he will get the hint. Are you into girls then is that why?

Clarke498 · Answer

I think the best thing is to just be honest. Tell him he's nice but that you just don't feel like that. I think that's better than anything else. Calm and respectful.

Tstrbrainer · Answer

Sorry but I don't think this would work might suffice

belle_kai · Answer

Better you know now. People will show you who they are when they don't get what they want. Always.

Jayplays900 · Answer

It's gonna hurt, either way, just don't drop him down so hard that he goes full incel mode and shuts himself away for 3 years.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Classic. He is a "nice guy" and you shit on him.  Go back to chasing Chad Thundercock.

jasco · Answer

Either way your gonna crush him. Be honest with him and tell whats wrong

Anonymous · Answer

Just say you enjoyed the date together say what you liked about him and tell him that he is too different for you personally but that would be a good match for someone else

noohair · Answer

The male ego is like an egg but you have to do what is right for you.

CubaPirate · Answer

The sooner the better, it will be worse for him if you string him along.

Anonymous · Answer

Poor little scary kid he don't deserve to be a Man... sorry for him, already, he won't get much out of Life. ask him nicely if he consider die for u.. i mean dive🤣and ask him to jump from a bridge

msc545 · Answer

Just friendzone him. You know how to do talready.

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Just be honest say he lovely guy

Yaharro · Answer

He is a baby

How Do I Avoid Hurting Him?

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I don't want to hurt him

How Do I Avoid Hurting Him?

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I don't want to hurt him

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