How do I stop hurting my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Hello... I am writing it anonymously cause I really need an advice. I am in a relationship with an amazing person. He is everything I’ve ever dreamed for. He is kind, considerate, attentive, loving, caring. Everything is perfect. He can always make me happy. He is the type of person I love more and more everyday because I see how he loves me and how he cares for me. Since the beginning of our relationship, I only have eyes for him. It feels like he is the only man and I don’t want to go close to any other men but him. He is my first love and I am his first love.

However, last time he feels sad and hurt because he thinks I flirted with my friend, actually this friend is just casual online friend, I’ve never been interested in him or never liked him. I don’t even see him as a man. I blocked this guy because I don’t want him to feel hurt and jealous anymore. But he wants to read the conversation between us, before meeting my boyfriend I’ve talked about my problems with that guy, never liked him, just I needed someone to listen to me. I told him about very painful memories of my life. My boyfriend wants to read our messages but I am worried and scared he will be hurt to read the story of my hard childhood, very painful memories... I don’t want him to feel pity for me. However he thinks I hide this conversation because I flirted with that guy, that’s not true.

I don’t know how to comfort him, he doubts my words, I love him more than everything. I don’t want him to doubt me because I am true to him, I am honest and sincere with him. I never flirt with anyone, haven’t even liked anyone after meeting him. He’s the perfect man for me. Could you give me some advices?

[7771999]

From what I can see. He seems a bit paranoid. But it might come from the fact that he loves you so much, that he doesn't want to feel as if his love has been wasted. As if he has acted in a naive manner.

I doubt anything bad will come from you showing it to him. Letting him read through it, and have some space to suck up the fact that he was being like that for no reason.

He will find a new sense of trust in you. As well as be a source of support to you.


But I can totally see why you don't want him to read it. It might be too early to talk about those things with him.

[Gopnik]

show him what you put online here.
he will understand, considering you probably haven't told him you talked to that guy in that way (which really isn't bad since friends should be there for you in that way)
he will probably understand that you don't want him to feel pity, he may ask for your childhood if he does just tell him, he's not gonna feel pity he's gonna try to comfort you.

[Asker]

I am true to him but he doesn’t listen to me. I am tired of explaining something I am honest and true. Last time I tried to explain he told me to go away and that he doesn’t care about me. I am really hurt.

[Asker]

He calls me liar. I am not a liar.

[Gopnik]

he probably said that in a fit of panic and unknowingness, maybe it would be best if you have a serious talk with him and ask him to throw his feelings on the table and you do the same, if he's not willing to do so and says he doesn't care about you again that might be a reason to start to rethink the relationship, but for now just try to work things out with him and ask him to throw his feelings on the table.

[ciitruskiwi]

Honestly I think you should tell him why you don't want him to read (because he'll find out things and you don't want any pity) and let him read it. I know it's going to be hard but it sounds like that's the only way to get him to believe that you weren't flirting.

I myself have had to do this many times in the 11 years I've been dating my boyfriend. I don't see the problem with it personally. He can read any and all of my conversations because I have nothing to hide and I'd rather have his mind at ease and trusting me then have his mind worry and not trust me.

[Asker]

He forcedly tried to get my phone and read the conversation but I took the phone from him and deleted the conversation. I don’t really feel comfortable. He got angry. He called me a liar, said he doesn’t care about me and told me to go away from him. I am hurt. The only thing he thinks about is that I flirted with that guy, no I didn’t...

[ciitruskiwi]

That makes it difficult. I know it hurts to not be trusted but I also know where he's coming from and why he's a little upset. I'm not saying you cheated or flirted but I can see why he thinks so. All I can say now is give him time.

To be honest I did flirt with any other guy once and before hand I wasn't very open with my phone and conversations but after a while I figured the only way I really have to show that I won't ever do it again is to give my boyfriend access to my phone whenever he asks. Again not saying you did it I'm just saying that if you want to show you're faithful that's one way of doing it.

[Audience]

People should have basic privacy, human rights

[Asker]

I am very hurt... I have never thought of cheating or lying him, It’s just that I need his trust in this but seems like he doesn’t trust me. It hurts... I am crying... It is painful to be doubted by the person you love. I just need his trust in this.

[Audience]

Definitely leave this kind of person

[liburnia]

Leave him honey. Jealousy is a monster and if you feed it it will outgrow you and eat you alive. Even if he teust you on this one, he will find something else to accuse you of lyng. And story goes around and around

[Audience]

Yeah, can’t agree more, don’t like this kind of guy

[Audience]

why not break up? It feels easier. Hahahah

[Asker]

I love him!!

[Audience]

Love, doesn’t exist, grow up

[Audience]

Leave him

[ciitruskiwi]

@Audience You wanna be a bitter asshole then go do that on your time. What is it with people commenting random ass shit that doesn't help when someone asks for help? You don't think love exists then that's fine for you but someone people do believe it exists and when someone asks for help about love then shut your mouth and don't shove your love doesn't exist bullshit down their throat. Fuck I hate people like you who think their opinions are 100% fact. It's not. If you can't help her then don't comment.

[Audience]

@ciitruskiwi yes, your mouth smell better, then you tell her what she should do haha

[Audience]

@ciitruskiwi if you can decide for her, you are killing her, pain sometimes is medicine help people recover, if you think her relationship could be done by few words, then, tomorrow the word will come to peace, but, unfortunately, it’s not. Don’t think you help her is really helping. It’s personal thing, not yours, am I right, big mouth? Haha

[ciitruskiwi]

I'm not decided for her, I'm giving her advice on what to do. Breaking up was the dumbest advice you could have given her. Why? Because if you read the description at all she very clearly doesn't want to break up. Also you should just refrain from giving relationship advice to anyone because it's obvious that breaking up is the only option ever since "love doesn't exist" to you. 🙄 Bye now

[Audience]

@ciitruskiwi thank you for cleaning your mouth this times, how’s your dog,
? Toronto people... look, it is not about it. You are helping her with now, not future, she finds problems, she can’t solve it, problems remain, what you should do? Call police? Tell her some ways if this problem can not be solved , then , what’s her ways out please