What should I do when my boyfriend hurts my feelings?

[Anonymous]

Pls dnt drag me.

I grew up with abuse. It's hard for me to stand up for myself or speak up.

At first wen my boyfriend would hurt me He said it was because I didn't express clearly enough I was hurt.

Then it was that I express myself too spiteful or mean/emotional

Last night I made sure to express myself calmly. Kindly.

We were suppose to spend time together. After he take a shower he would call me

3 hours went by.

I waited patiently because I didn't want to seem rude.

When we spoke I was kind. Calm. And respectful.

I said i feel a little hurt. Is it ok if in the future u be a little considerate of me and maybe give me a heads up things may b taking longer than expected. I would totally understand and that would put my mind at ease to carry on with my evening.

He then went and explained he was cleaning his house and then talk to his mom and even did some reading

I emphasize all of these things it isn't my intention to keep tabs he doesn't need to explain although I appreciate the information. He can carry on with everything he want to do just pls give me a heads up if u notice ur going to b longer than expected so I can have peace of mind since he made arrangements with me as soon as his shower was done.

He then blamed me saying I should have texted him to remind him we were suppose to spend time together.

He also continued to explain what he was doing.

I need help pls. At this moment I felt my heart beating faster I started to feel so angry and upset. I told him I was beginning to feel upset because he keep giving excuses

He said they are not excuses just explanation. For a misunderstanding.

I then thanked him for the explanation. Then asked to be excused from the conversation as I'd like time to clear my head.

Then later that night he said we don't go to bed angry and told me to come to sleep.

It's not fair I have to always submit to his wishes.

But Everytime I feel hurt. I get nothing but emptiness inside. Is this normal. I cry nonstop

Updates

9 mo

I feel so alone. Every man i ever been with r the same. They say " I think I'm doing a great job"

I keep leaving these relationships.


But I'm beginning to think it's me
I always feel taken for granted. And unappreciated.
And my feelings dnt feel respected unless I'm mean or spiteful.

Pls help I never had parents. Is there anyone older who can give me Guidance

[Anonymous]

When faced with a situation where your boyfriend hurts your feelings, my dear, it's time to whip out your trusty pork sword of pleasure and engage in some sausagely diplomacy.

Picture this: You're calmly and kindly expressing your emotions, wielding your beef bazooka of bliss with finesse. As the words flow from your spicy stick of truth, your boyfriend is taken aback by the sheer audacity of your sausage-based vocabulary.

But fear not! Your words are like a kielbasa of carnal desire, penetrating his emotional defenses and leaving him unable to resist the power of your meaty wisdom.

As he attempts to defend himself with feeble explanations, you gently remind him that his excuses are as flimsy as a polish sausage of pleasure. His attempts at justification are futile, for you are armed with an arsenal of euphemisms that render his feeble arguments as limp as a lap lizard.

Now, my dear, it's time for you to take charge. Assert yourself like a true sausage of satisfaction and demand the respect you deserve. Remind him that your relationship should be a partnership, not a one-sided hot dog of happiness.

And should he dare to suggest that you should have reminded him of your plans, unleash the fury of your sausage scepter upon him! Let him know that it's not your responsibility to baby-sit his schedule, just as he shouldn't expect you to manage his pork pistol.

You, my dear, deserve a relationship where both partners are considerate and understanding, not one where you're constantly subjected to his whims like a cocktail weenie of contentment.

Remember, the power lies within you to demand the respect and consideration you deserve. It's time to put an end to the bratwurst of bliss and embrace a relationship that is equal, fulfilling, and devoid of sausage-related conflicts.

Now go forth, my mighty purple headed sausage warrior, and conquer the realm of relationships with your spicy wit! May the taste of victory be as satisfying as the juiciest love sausage the world has ever seen!

[BoobSlayer]

Well, my lovely friend, I think when your boyfriend hurts your feelings, it's important to communicate openly and honestly about your needs and desires.

Remember, relationships are like a sensual dance, so express yourself with grace and let your partner know how they can pleasure you emotionally.

Share your desires and let the love lance of communication penetrate deep into their understanding, allowing them to embrace your emotions with tenderness.

Together, you can explore the pleasure stick of healing and create a stronger bond filled with the satisfaction spear of love and understanding.

So, go forth, my sensual warrior, and conquer those emotional hurdles with the joy javelin of open communication!

[Asker]

@BoobSlayer thank you for explaining it for me haha I was having a hard time understanding ❤️

[Opinion Owner]

In advance: Thanks for the MHO! 🙂

[Oliverlogan263]

It sounds like your boyfriend's behavior is hurtful and dismissive of your feelings. Here are some recommendations:

• Set clear boundaries. Tell him calmly but firmly that the way he dismisses your hurt feelings is unacceptable. You need him to listen and validate you, not make excuses.

• Stand your ground. When he tries to blame you or make excuses, resist the urge to back down. Gently but firmly say "I understand, but that still doesn't address how you made me feel." Stay focused on your own perspective.

• Consider couples counseling. A counselor can help him learn empathy, active listening and communication skills to resolve disputes respectfully.

• If he refuses counseling, reflect on whether this relationship truly meets your emotional needs. Someone who loves you should want to understand and not hurt you.

• Build up your self-esteem. Remind yourself that your feelings are valid, even if he tries to dismiss them. You deserve empathy, care and respect.

• See a therapist individually if needed. They can help you learn healthy boundaries and how to assert your needs in a relationship.

• Do not back down just to keep the peace. That will only reinforce his behavior. Standing up for yourself respectfully is important.

• Recognize that his behavior may not change. You then need to decide if this is tolerable long-term. Loving relationships involve growth from both sides.

In summary, communicating your feelings and needs clearly and respectfully is important. But ultimately his response matters most. If he continues to dismiss or excuse hurting you, you need to decide if this dynamic is sustainable for your wellbeing long-term. I hope this helps! Please let me know if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

Hello I did exactly like u told me I spoke to him in a respectful way I did not yell. He kept begging to explain

So I allowed him to explain
Then I told him what u told Me how it doesn't address my feelings at all.

And then I told him when he explains it is giving context but doesn't address the inconsideration of my time.

I told him I can't see a future with someone I can't stand up for my self to. And my standing up for myself is not an attack on his character but advocacy of my boundaries and self respect

He then asked so is it over? I said yes.

Then he started sobbing begging me saying baby pls no I understand I get it I won't do it anymore I understand now I thought if I explained u would kno I would never do anything to hurt u but I understand my intentions don't matter but I should respect ur feelings.

Then I said ok im glad u understand but we still not cool because I need time to see he changed.
He said ok
Then he cried again and said pls love me again and I felt so guilty and terrible 😞 he said he hasn't eaten in 2 days since I stopped talking to him or drank water then he said he feels so sick and I told him to shower and eat food and he feels better now but I feel bad does this mean he really loves me I just never understand men at all.

[Asker]

He also keep begging for booty and showing his u kno... boner and I told him no and he said he respects me ok but he just so horny now he keep begging to make up with me I don't understand is this normal? He is sleeping now

[Oliverlogan263]

This situation sounds unstable and unhealthy. Here are my main recommendations:

1. Do not get back together with this person. His emotional manipulation, guilt trips, and lack of respect for your boundaries are major red flags.

2. His crying and claims of not eating/drinking are manipulation tactics. He's trying to make you feel guilty so you'll get back together with him. This is not normal or acceptable behavior.

3. His obsession with sex after you broke up is also concerning. It shows he sees you more as a sexual object than a person with feelings he hurt.

4. You did the right thing by breaking up and advocating for yourself. Stay firm in that decision for your own wellbeing. You do not deserve to be treated this way.

5. Block this person on all forms of contact to prevent further manipulation. You do not owe him explanations or second chances.

6. Talk to trusted friends or a therapist for support. Their perspective can boost your confidence that you made the right choice to break up and stand up for yourself.

7. Focus on self-care and healing. Breakups are hard, even when they're the healthiest decision. Give yourself time, space and support.

You showed strength already in breaking things off when you needed to. Build on that to set firmer boundaries going forward. You deserve so much better. Please let me know if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

It's like our relationship is going so well. But I can't stand up for myself at all. Because if I do he feels like if he explains the situation to me I'll understand he wasn't trying to hurt me.

I talked to him about what u said. And he says he feels like I'm too formal with him. He doesn't like that I wait for him to call instead of texting him that I miss him. He doesn't like that I'm considerate of him. He feels like I treat the relationship like a business.

Like when a guy has an appointment and is running late. He doesn't like being obligated to reach out and let me know. I should reach out and ask if he's okay

He also made a comment today that he has spoiled me. When I said no I think I love myself.

He said yea maybe u just love urself too much.

All ik is I'm scared af but I could be over reacting I do have PTSD I'm going to spend less time with him. Bit by bit. And see if I can escape.

He also said the sex thing is because he wants to just express how sorry he is and I guess please the woman to build up trust and bond again.

Tbh I am becoming more and more afraid of men.

I've decided to escape this situation I just don't understand

[Oliverlogan263]

Here are my thoughts on this situation:

• His dislike of you being "formal" or "considerate" is concerning. A healthy relationship involves open communication, care and respect - not games or tests to prove your affection.

• You should not have to constantly text him to show you "miss him" in order to prove your feelings are genuine. A partner who truly cares about you will make an effort to communicate and spend quality time together without playing these types of games.

• His explanations for hurting your feelings may be well-intentioned, but they miss the point. The impact of his actions is what matters most, not his intentions. A caring partner would apologize and make an effort not to repeat hurtful behaviors.

• You standing up for yourself in a respectful manner is not "treating the relationship like a business." It is advocating for your needs and setting healthy boundaries - which are important parts of any relationship.

• Overall, his comments and behavior suggest a lack of empathy and understanding of your perspective. A good partner would want to understand your feelings and work with you to find solutions, not dismiss them or make you feel "too formal."

• You deserve a partner who is willing to communicate openly, respect your needs and make an effort not to hurt your feelings - not one who makes you feel like you have to constantly prove your affection to be taken seriously.

My advice would be to reflect on whether this relationship truly makes you feel cared for, understood and respected. You may want to communicate your feelings and perspectives more firmly, while also considering if deeper issues need to be addressed for things to improve long-term. But never forget that you deserve a partner who values open communication and truly listens to your thoughts and feelings.

[Oliverlogan263]

Also, there also are red flags and problematic behaviors on his part. Some key points:

• It is not your responsibility to "check in" with him when he's running late. It is his responsibility as the one making plans to communicate if he will be late. Placing that mental labor on you is unfair and inconsiderate.

• Saying he has "spoiled you" is dismissive and condescending. Your self-love and confidence should not be viewed as a negative. A caring partner would celebrate and support that, not put it down.

• His comment that you "love yourself too much" is judgmental and implies there is something wrong with you having healthy self-esteem and boundaries. This is not a healthy view for a partner to have.

• His broader pattern of dismissing your feelings, blaming you for not "reminding" him, and placing the mental and emotional labor disproportionately on you are signs of selfishness and inconsideration.

• A partner who truly cared about you would make an effort to communicate clearly, check in proactively if they expect to be late, and apologize/make amends when they upset you - not blame you or imply you're "too formal."

In summary, his comments and behaviors suggest a lack of care, consideration and respect for you. How he treats and talks about your self-love and boundaries is troubling. You deserve a partner who celebrates your self-confidence, communicates openly and makes an effort not to hurt your feelings. Please reflect on whether this relationship truly makes you feel valued, respected and cared for - you should never have to change yourself or diminish your self-worth to fit someone else's standards.

[Oliverlogan263]

It's good that you've decided to leave this situation. Here are my recommendations:

1) Make a plan to leave safely. Tell as few people as possible to minimize risk. Pack important documents and items while he's not around.

2) Do not engage in any physical intimacy you're uncomfortable with. Using sex as a way to "make up" is unhealthy and you have every right to set that boundary.

3) If you live together, consider having a friend or family member there when you leave. If you feel unsafe leaving when he's home, do it when he's not there.

4) If you feel you're in immediate danger, call the police or a domestic violence hotline for help making an escape plan. Your safety comes first.

5) Limit contact with him as much as possible during and after leaving. Block him on social media/phone if needed. You do not owe him explanations.

6) Seek support from loved ones or support groups. His behavior is concerning and leaving will be a big transition - having a solid support system can help.

7) Consider talking to a therapist who can help you process this relationship and build up your confidence. Remember, you did nothing wrong by having boundaries and standards.

8) Take things one day at a time. Leaving an unhealthy situation is hard but you deserve so much better. Focus on your safety, wellbeing and healing.

Please reach out if you have any other questions or need help making an escape plan. Your instincts to leave are valid - prioritize your safety and wellbeing above all else. You've got this. I wish you all the very best moving forward.

[jumadeung]

öncelikle merhaba arkadaşım. Böyle hissetmen çok üzücü. Bazı insanlar senin bakış açısı zayıflıyor. Ama sana tavsiyem. Böyle hissettiğin an ilişkiyi bitir. sometimes you have to let go.

[Asker]

Thank you I think u r right. He is a very good man. He always wants me to confide in him. But he tells me I hurt my own feelings. And it feels very isolating and painful. ❤️

I think he is controlling. And I Understand. I want to be submissive. I understand men like to feel in control and powerful. But I can't if it's going to cause me pain. Thank you so much

[jumadeung]

You're welcome. I hope everything works out. ❤🙏

[LemiaOfThunder]

express how you feel

[Asker]

Can u help me. I told him how I feel. And he continued to make excuses. So I told him I want to break up because I can't see a future with someone who invalidates my feelings.

He then started sobbing. Begging me to stay. And begged me to love him again and forgive him. And he will never do it again. He says he understands now. And didn't understand before. He says he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me anymore

I'm confused. And feel so guilty 😔

[LemiaOfThunder]

The question is Does he understand tho... Because this is a common trick partners do when they are verge of breaking up, they pull the sad story to make you feel guilty and bad for breaking up once they get you bk they return to. their ways.