Hurt my boyfriend's feelings

[Anonymous]

Okay so Friday I accidentally implied to my boyfriend he was annoying because I was sad and stressed and I didn't mean it how he took it , I texted him after that that I was stupid and I'm sorry and he read it then after that I'm like "you should just find someone better " and he's like I didn't even read that message because I know to you it may seem like what I should do but it's not true to me . Then the weekend came we didn't talk at all Monday we didn't talk at all or see each other Tuesday I stopped him in the hall way and I asked if he was still mad and he said yeah then I apologized but we only talked for like 2 minutes , I asked when we could talk he said the next day same time , well the next day came around and he wasn't there , an hour before that he walked right past me and ignored me and also when I asked him the day before when we could talk he said " I don't know " which ment he didn't want to . I'm so upset I wrote him a huge letter on why I said what I said and that I was sorry and that he's called me annoying before and I forgave him ? Webe been together a year and we've gone through dramatic stuff like this before and we always work it out , ugh what do you think I should do, what do you think he's thinking ? Is he not talking to me evacuee he's hurt and thinks I don't care about him? Do you think he misses me . I'm in love with this guy, please help. Also Today is Wednesday I need things to be fixed Friday because that's the last day of school before break, he's ignoring me and it makes me feel like he's not even worried about loosing me I feel like he wants to leave me :( I'm going to give him the letter in the morning ( put it in his locker), ugh were really close and have gone through I think worse stuff, I hope he forgives me because he's been mean to me before and I forgave him:( , like we plan our future out, that's how close we are, it kills me not talking to him and when he can walk right past me and ignore me . He also doesn't have his phone so he doesn't see or talk to me outside of school ( when we did talk Tuesday...) also he seems uninterested , like he doesn't want to talk or be near me :( I know he loves me but what I'd he's not afraid of loosing me ? Do you think if he wanted to break up he would pf already said something ? Please help I'm like crying so much just writing tHis

[toolt00l]

Its hard to say exactly what he's feeling because I'm not him but I'll take a shot...

I really doubt that things are over. If you guys break up because of one little fight like this than the relationship was not very strong in the first place (and I would imagine that after a year you guys have been through stuff way more serious than this).

It sounds to be that he's taking advantage of you being wrong. Depending on what you're relationship is like, he may feel like he's usually the one who does stuff that upsets you. Now that the rolls are reversed, he's blowing it out of proportion to prove to you that you too can mess up.

I'm not saying this is how every girl is. But from my experience, girls are often more sensitive and emotional about things. So in relationships, they are the ones who get upset easier about things the guy does rather than the other way around. If that makes sense..

He knows you guys are close and he knows you're crazy about him so he's not afraid of losing you because he knows its not going to happen. But if it did I'm sure he'd be crushed.

What he's doing right now is pretty lame, he's playing mind games and pretending to be upset more than he really is.

Again this is all just what I think of the situation. I could very well be wrong. But my advice is to just give him space and wait it out. The more you show that you're sorry the more he'll bask in it. You apologized sincerely multiple times so you've done your part. It's his turn to forgive and move on

[Asker]

I think he thinks I don't care about him because I said he was annoying . Do you think he's avoiding me and not wanting to talk because he's hurt and thinks I don't care or he's mad and upset that I said that (he said he was mad) I don't know what to do , :(

[toolt00l]

He knows you care about him. If you didn't you wouldn't have put so much time and effort into apologizing to him. He's mad, yes. But I personally think that he is using this as an opportunity to show you that you can do things that upset him too and that its not always the other way around. He was hurt by what you said so he's dragging this out to make sure that it doesn't get said again. I really don't think its over between you two though. If it is, than there are WAY deeper issues than this.

[toolt00l]

Also, he doesn't want you to take him for granted. He wants to be appreciated just like he appreciates you so he's showing you what its like not to have him. You told him he was being annoying so now he's being the opposite. He's showing you that his "annoying side" is because he has feelings for you. You told him to stop being annoying so he is. (its kind of a mind game)

[Asker]

Do you think things will be fixed before Friday afternoon ?:( like do you think he'll talk to me tomorrow ?

[toolt00l]

I don't know at all. I couldn't tell you. I think you really just need to give him space. Right now he's just basking in your apologies. You can't beat yourself up about it anymore.

Realistically, he has to talk to you eventually. I think if he wanted to break up he would have done it already. Just be patient

[Asker]

Ugh okay, I'm giving him the letter tomorrow though then I will leave him alone , I think you're right about the breaking up part, my friends also said that he would have already done it . I just hope he forgives me soon and realizes what's important

[toolt00l]

Yeah just be patient. If he is a good boyfriend he will forgive you. Everyone deserves to be forgiven. I do have to say though, before you give him the letter think to yourself if its necessary or not. I don't know him or the situation as well as you do, but my advice is to make sure you act out of reason and not out of panic. If you are giving him the letter because you are panicking about the situation I wouldn't do it. If you are giving it to him because you truly feel its right. Then do it.

[Asker]

The letter shows I never ment to say what I said , it's important . He's sad about this, like around his friends even. I don't think he's just "pretending " to be this upset :/ he takes things to heart. Ugh I'm scared he's like forgotten about me because we haven't talked in so long , and he doesn't miss me :( and I'm really scared he's lost feelings

[Asker]

I don't think I've said sorry enough, I only said it on Friday after I did it :/

[toolt00l]

Again, if you guys dated for a year I promise you he hasn't forgotten about you. If you feel the letter is right to give then do it. My advice though is to just take a deep breath and calm down. Don't panic and be patient about the whole thing. Make sure he knows you're sorry but don't dwell on it after that. Be sincere but give him time to forgive you.

[Asker]

It's just really hard because we haven't talked since Friday really, you know? I know thinking he forgot about me is stupid because we've been together for so long , but do you think he's lost feelings?

[toolt00l]

No. I don't think he lost his feelings. And if he did, I promise you its for other reasons other than this. If you guys have a healthy relationship than this is no reason for him to lose feelings. If this leads to a break up than the breakup is for other reasons. But I really think you are fine. No reasonable person would break up for this. So his behavior is either temporary or the result of another problem that is unrelated.

[Asker]

Well we were really good before , no other problems , I'm just scared he's going to leave me for some reason , probably because he isn't talking to me right now and doesn't want to see me

[toolt00l]

I don't think he is going to leave you. Relationships have hard times like this. Its a little fight. If he's a good boyfriend he'll forgive you and forget about it all. Like I said, if he breaks up with you for something like this, there are WAY bigger issues. Don't beat yourself up about it and be patient

[Asker]

Talking to you makes me feel so much better thank you ! I know there is no other issues so I have confidence , I hope he talks to me tomorrow :/ in going to be upset again if he doesn't :( ugh

[toolt00l]

Well I'm glad I can help :). You sound a lot like me, You panic and over-analyze things. I find that it helps just to calm down and really think about what's going on. In this case, what you have done it no where near drastic enough to make someone break up with you. That just doesn't make sense. So remember that and be patient. Apologize sincerely and leave everything else up to him. If he leaves you for this I promise he's not worth it. But I really don't think he will. So try not to worry.

[toolt00l]

Oh, and everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. And part of being in a healthy relationship is forgiving each other for mistakes they are bound to make here and there. If he can't do that, that is HIS fault. Not yours. Forgiveness plays a huge roll in healthy relationships and both people should practice it. Especially for small scenarios such as this. So you're fine. Don't beat yourself up.

[Asker]

Thank you :) I will get back to you tomorrow !

[toolt00l]

Sounds good :) good luck!

[Asker]

I honesty though feel like he hates me , he's ignoring me and not wanting basically any contact with me :( why is he acting like that ugh :(

[Asker]

He said we would talk today and we never did :/

[toolt00l]

be patient! My girlfriend did this once and it sucked and I felt the same way... But he'll turn around. Just give him time. You can message me or whatever if you need anything. I've been in a similar boat so I can confidently say that what you did didn't damage your relationship

[Asker]

I'm so upset , we didn't talk at all today , he avoided me the whole day, I didn't even get to give him the letter, tomorrow is the last day before break and I don't know if he'll be at school, probably, but he won't even bother to look for me because I bet he thinks I won't be there , I'm so afraid we won't talk all break including Christmas ,..:( help I don't know what to do.

[toolt00l]

Ok, take a deep breath. Here's the reality of the situation. He's handling this very immaturely, and you're not being patient. You really need to give him space and wait for him to contact you. If you have a chance to get a hold of him, you need to very calmly tell him that you two need to have a talk about what happened and about what's going on. Is there anyway he can contact you over break? If so, then you just need to wait for that

[Asker]

When do you think he will talk to me ? Like the being of break ?:/

[toolt00l]

You just need to give him space. Its not like he's never going to talk to you again. I know it sucks, and like I said it's immature of him to be doing this but just give it time. He'll talk when he's ready to talk

[Asker]

I feel like we won't talk all break then after we won't either , and that it will always be like this :(

[toolt00l]

Well he's your boyfriend right? He's not going to just stop talking to you forever you know? At one point you guys are going to have to talk about this. But like I said, you really really really just need to try to relax and be patient

[Asker]

He wasn't there today and I texted him multiple times and he still won't respond

[toolt00l]

Stop texting him. You NEED to give him space. Like I said, he already knows how you feel and he's basking in it. It's immature I know. But sometimes people just do immature things. Be the better person and show him that you can survive without him. He will get back to you when he's ready, not when you are. Just let it go for a couple of days and keep yourself surrounded with friends and family as a distraction. Sooner or later he has to talk to you. So just be patient

[Asker]

He's had time. A whole week . I'm done waiting ,... I want him to talk to me

[collegegirl14]

You are suffocating him. Give him space. When things go on with guys, most of the time they will retreat to have time to think about the situation and come back to you when they are ready. I'm not saying wait forever in a day for him because you have a life to live too.

I know it's going to be hard, but don't take to him, leave him alone for a week. He'll talk when he's ready. You didn't need to write that letter because you already apologized beforehand. If he knew that you were stressed and going through stuff and just said that because you were frustrated, well honestly it shouldn't be a big deal to him. We sometimes forget that guys have feelings too.

I know it's easier said than done, but stop crying and hold your head up. You've been together for awhile and he'll come back.

Hope I helped! =)

[Asker]

I wrote the letter explaining what I said what I said because he didn't know , it's a really long meaningful apology and I'm going to give it to him. ( before web we had fights we worked it out over text or something because he wouldn't talk to me in person, now since he doesn't have his phone I'm going to give him the letter , it's kind of like talking to him you know ) anyways the letter I hope will make him realize he should get over it

[collegegirl14]

From my experiences, I have been through the same things with my boyfriend also. And just giving him some space AFTER you give him the letter is a good idea. I'm pretty sure that he knows that you are hurting because he's not talking to you right now. I doubt that he'll break up with you though.

[Asker]

Yes I get what your saying , ah I'm so upset I can't think straight and I forgot if hi locker is the 1st 2nd or third one :( I think second butomg I want him to get the letter

[05Jueey]

Don't say things like, "just find someone better" that's lame. Have some confidence! :) Everyone gets into bad moods. Just explain to your boyfriend you were in a mood and how you appreciate him in your life