Have you ever been worried that your family wouldn't approve of the person you're dating?

Question

Have you ever dated someone that your family didn't approve of?

boltfox20 · Accepted Answer

My current fiancé.

When we first met, it was online. I was in an online college that used Zoom for classes. Some of the other students set up a chat group so that we could all study together and help out with problem situations.

I was having severe emotional problems, making me miss assignments. I was afraid I would fail the class. I asked for help, telling them of my problems. Some were sympathetic, most wanted to set a study time to help me with the assignments, but they still didn't understand my issues. That's when my fiancé (then, total stranger but fellow student) started to send me messages. She asked me about my issues, not my assignments. She wanted to know how she could help me get over them, not just make the grade.

This simple bit of kindness and understanding was the catalyst for our future, together. She helped me to pass that class and others after it. We became very good and close friends. After 3 months of us growing closer and sharing more and more, she confessed her love to me. I would have confessed first, but there was something holding me back, and this is why I thought my family wouldn't approve.

She was married, with two children.

After she confessed, I returned her love and told her why I had not confessed, first. Then she started telling me that her husband was abusive. If not for her younger daughter still being in school, she would have left him years ago. So, our relationship and love continued to grow. We "dated" as much as we could online, but we also had to hide it from her family. She wasn't sure what her kids would say, but her husband would have tried to hurt her, if he found out.

After a couple more months, we were talking about living together, when she left him. I had some saved up college money that I could use to bring her to me. She was at the other end of the state, so it would take a few hundred dollars. Her older daughter was already an adult and moved out, so I paid for two bus tickets to bring her and her other daughter up here, granting a second chance at life.

The problem was that I can't drive. No license, no car, no ability. None of my friends in the area had cars, either. So, it fell on family. What would they think? I'm not only moving very fast with this woman I had never met in person, she is older than me, is bringing a child (15 year old), had no place to stay, AND she is currently married.

What would my parents think? And the rest of the family? I was afraid of being shunned, yelled at, and outright ridiculed for being with a married woman I had never met and "destroying" their family.

I told my parents, first, since I was hoping my dad would take me to pick her up at the bus station. I knew they were very loving and accepting people. I was still afraid of what they might think. I asked them to let me explain everything before they said anything and they agreed. After I was done, all they did was make sure I was sure about everything and that we both loved each other. They accepted her, as long as I was happy.

We're engaged, now, and my entire family loves her, almost as much as I do. They all know the story and accept our love, regardless. I could not have asked for the situation to go any better. ^_^

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

I am currently living with a woman of whom my stepfather would disapprove. Her fatal flaw: she is from China. He hates foreigners.

When his grandson married a girl from the Philippines, we spoke to his grandson at the wedding reception and asked, "What's wrong? You couldn't get an American girl to marry you?"

I showed him a picture of my girlfriend, and his first and only comment was, "She's not very pretty, is she?" When my mother criticized him for saying something so ugly, his defense was "if that's what I think, I've got to say it."

So I never take her around my step-father, because I want to protect her from any of the potential harm he might do. And since my mother won't go anywhere without him, that means that I can't take Helen around my mom, either.

And that means that I can't attend holiday family gatherings, because I refuse to leave Helen alone on holidays.

It sucks, but Helen hasn't done anything wrong, I haven't done anything wrong, and I will continue to protect her.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

When I first started dating my current husband my family didn't approve at all because of how much younger he is then me (16 years younger). The exceptions were my two daughters who loved him from the start (That made things WAY better).

At first everyone thought it was just some fling I had to get out of my system. However, after we'd dated for a while and they realized it wasn't that they started to get really concerned for me. They assumed I was going through some midlife crisis and couldn't understand why he was so wrong for me. They told me all the many reasons why it couldn't work out (I couldn't possibly be on the same maturity level, he's probably not ready for commitment, we're in different phases of life, etc.) They told me he'd probably just leave me for some younger woman eventually. They also told me they thought it was just super weird. I also got called "cougar" a few times, which isn't a term I appreciate much.

However, over time they gradually came to notice that those things weren't true and they came to accept our relationship (and were even happy for me). I still think some of them still think it's weird, but I also think they get that we have a great relationship. Consequently, they don't say anything anymore about that.

Also, his parents were really upset when they found out he was dating me (someone so much older). However, I'm pretty sure it was more because they assumed I wasn't able and/or willing to have more kids (both of which weren't true). Once I got pregnant they warmed up to me right away

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My mom is extremely conservative, so she is against me dating anyone even when I turn like 25 or something. I'm pretty sure she would want me to marry a guy SHE chooses when im like 26 or 27. Yeah, its weird, i know lol. But my dad is pretty chill. He said im not allowed to date until i turn 21. Honestly, i would not really care if my parents approve or not. But im also not stupid enough to date a guy I know is not right for me. Its MY life, MY choice. They have no say in it. They should either accept him or accept the fact that i won't be around them.

USMC-Crossroads · Answer

Love your questions, Dear.

Well, I've always been precocious and Conservative, so it didn't take me long to see the REAL value of the knowledge and experience of our parents, grandparents, and senior citizens, in general. With that, I can say that I have always asked my parents their opinion, when possible (worked a lot). Because, mostly, if someone I respect, dislikes a person, I'd like to know - since I might be distracted (as a young man) with her... 'assets,' if you know what I mean.
I only ever dated a girl my mother didn't like, only because she (my mother) didn't get the chance to tell me, because of timing, appropriateness of occasion, etc.
Once I learned just how strongly I can be influence by the curves of a smooth pair of legs, I actively sought out my mother's take on each particular girl I dated... and still do (even though I don't date anymore).
So, to all the daters of the world, I say, that (even if you have the burden of shitty parents) seek out someone you respect - who has seen more of the world than you - and get their opinions on people, as well as everything else.

CuriousJC · Answer

For me it kind of defeats the purpose whether I did or not. Ever since I guess scam instead of just letting it go and let me know from my mistakes my family tries to bring it up as a new situation with a different girl and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next causing me it's just be single cuz it's hard to tell who's actually trying to get to know me for me and not for my wallet. It seems love is nothing but a big rivalry or big blackmail out just to get the things you want. Because if it wasn't, then most girls wouldn't be asking you about your bank account or cash up with something like that without even trying to get to know the person not even their name for they go straight for money. I keep telling people you can't do nothing in this life about money but it seems the money is more important than love, money is more important than water, money is more important than life itself. It seems without money people doesn't have no need to live anymore.

TruthBringer · Answer

When I was younger I entered a toxic relationship not knowing anything better. It was festered with lies, deception, racism (from her family), mental illness and false hope. It was affecting me without directly realizing or wanting to acknowledge the fact I was suffering. So you can imagine that my parents were highly against me continue the relationship.

Right now I'm not scared to what my parents think because I know that the woman I bring home has proven herself to be worthy and has qualities that are crucial for a successful relationship. Hence why my parents love my current girlfriend.

t-8900 · Answer

Yes to both but I not longer care what anyone thinks about the person I date unless they are act like pigs or children in public settings or around the dinner table. Its basically just myself and my dad these days. Sometimes my Aunt comes around but rarely since she lives far away. I'm basically looking for a girl who is willing to introduce me to her friends and family and I would be respectful and polite. Obviously I expect the same in return with her and my dad. Dont talk about sex at the dinner table... like please just dont! -_-

libsaretards · Answer

I am lucky in this issue. I only have 3 people left in my family older than me, which are my mom, aunt and grandmother. Our core morals are very similar and I'm very open with all 3 of them. They also know if I'm bringing a woman around them then I'm very serious about her. If anything my mom tells me my standards are too high. Only once has my mom not approved of a girl I dated, but that was because she was aware of stuff I was not. She openly told me what she suspected the girl was doing so I watched her behavior and my mom was right.

Anonymous · Answer

I have been worried before, but after my parents expressed disapproval of my ex, I ignore them.
I was a young, dumb, naïve freshly 18 year old. I had met my ex for mutual friends and he lived an hour and a half away from me. they disapproved of me dating somebody you’re older than me and someone who lived an hour and a half away.
as I said, I ignored them, I didn’t listen to their disapproval.
I ended up getting heartbroken three times due to my lack of listening to my parents disapproval.

Diodoro · Answer

Literally never lol. I was always slow to introduce girls anyways. Didn't want to bring a girl around my mom and have her get attached when I wasn't even for sure I liked her yet and that she'd be around for some time.

My mom basically didn't think I had a girlfriend till I was 18-19 lol. According to my mom I've had 2 girlfriends and only recently started dating a third 😂

I'm sure she's suspected more for years but she doesn't reeeally know nor does she want to. Does any mom really want to know how many girls their son has been with?

Puppystarfish23 · Answer

Yes I always think before I date a guy would my family approve and that usually answers the question whether I'll date them or not. I know my family approve of my boyfriend because he's kind and respectful towards them. Both of us get on very well with the in laws and it makes for less drama and more of a happy life. I always wanted a man like my boyfriend before I even met him, someone I could show off to my family and friends and make them think wow she's bagged a keeper.

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

I don't need my parents approval and i didn't need it either. Different era, different age, different culture that they don't know so much about (we moved from the middle east to Sweden) i do my mistakes and i learn from them, my parents have absolutely no say on who i am dating.

Mary087 · Answer

Yeah it's hard because my dad has a lot of expectations for me to marry a religious guy who works hard and stuff like that but i have a different type of guy in mind. Not like a bad guy but not exactly someone who's super religious& a few years younger than me too..

NathanDavis · Answer

worried? no... my family has NO input on who or why I love someone

but also... it has never been an issue, my family are not that kind of people that will disapprove of others out of their own prejudice

and I don't get involved with "questionable" people either... lol

globetrotter22 · Answer

When I was younger the answer is yes to a certain extent. However as I got older I found that even though my parents are well intentioned they are not always right about everything (especially my mother).

If your family is concerned about your well being that’s one thing. But if they are concerned about their own image that’s quite another.

KellyPlayz333555 · Answer

My parents likes the sound of my online boyfriend, but I'm scared on whether they will approve of him when they meet him for the first time. If they don't approve of him, then I won't know what to do. I hope my online boyfriend is actually telling the truth about his age, location, birthday etc...

Anonymous · Answer

I am a christian but i live in a country and their religion is Muslim. We are minority in this country, there are other people like me (christian) but majority is muslim. My family wants me to marry with christian so i think they won’t allow me to marry with Muslim. But if i love so much i think i can speak with them and be with whoever i want.

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

Yes, there is a girl I like but we haven't dated yet because of long distance but would love to be with her. She is actually Iranian and studies in Germany. I dont want to imagine how my mother would react if we were a couple, dont think it'll be positive.

NetSapien · Answer

No, I don't worry about their approval for my choices to date.

Yes, I have dated 2 women that my parents did not approve of. Turns out both these women disrespected them in some way though, so each had to go.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

When I was 14 I dated a 19 year old ( I know I know,, but she was stunning and ermm I digress) .. I was worried then, but after I turned 18 my parents gave up trying to tell me what to do or who to date!
So no not after then.

Anonymous · Answer

Back in high school, the guy I dated was such a dick and neither of my parents liked him. I was blinded by his bs and well, that was a hard 3-4 years. Now I'm with a good guy, but I'm afraid my parents won't like him because he isn't American like me and doesn't live super close to me, but he is such a great guy and he treats me wonderfully. I don't know what to do. :(

nice-girl · Answer

No, I only worried about if they were right to not approve him.
I have never been worried that my family wouldn't approve the person I was dating, but it has happened to me. So, no to the first person, but yes to the second.

AndrewMG · Answer

I'm a mothers boy so I think she'd always be slightly concerned... but on the other hand my Mum has always made everyone I've been seeing so comfortable because just like her son she's a lovely person lol

melanieeeB · Answer

Noo I was never worried about that and I actually only let them meet one person and they loved him... but yeah we sadly broke up a good week ago, they still ask me about him tho and that's awful

Heartache0405 · Answer

I'm not worried about that happening because I plan on staying single. I'm more concerned with my family trying to set me up with someone

Sugar100 · Answer

Yes I still have never met a guys parents I’m 24 but my parents like rich white tall men only and boyfriend is short and from dangerous city , he isn’t into fancy stuff he is simple guy.

DizzyDesii · Answer

No. They already seem to like this guy. But even if they didn't, they’d have to get over it or live a life without me around

Andres77 · Answer

Each time. This is the only wife that proved them wrong. Stereotypes don't exist for no reason. The others were given a chance and just proved my family right...

MrPickles13 · Answer

My fear is my parents embarrassing me in front of a partner if I can ever meet kne. But honestly what my parents think of them wouldn't matter to me as I don't get on with them well partly because they basically think I'm going to be alone for life.

imfreeze95 · Answer

As long as I marry someone with the same values as my family and they’re a woman everything will be fine they could be a half black half Asian for all they care but if they’re not a Christian it’s going to be on

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

No to the first question, no idea to the other. I don't ask my family's opinion on that sort of thing.

Bluemax · Answer

My family's only concern is that she loves me and is a decent person.

lilaccc · Answer

often to both question, even my brain doesn't accept it, only my feelings understand me, or maybe blind me lol

fonduegirl · Answer

I've been worried my family would approve too much. So much so I'd have to marry that guy. Ngl that'd be a pain in the ass.

exitseven · Answer

I only ever brought two of them around. My mother preferred my old girlfriend over my wife and she never minded telling me that,.

user1516 · Answer

Not really, I m sure whenever my person comes my family will like him.

JakeS00 · Answer

I’d listen to what they have to say but I wouldn’t need approval.

lovedejj_xo · Answer

Some of my family members aren’t fans of interracial relationships idc and I made that very clear to them.

Anonymous · Answer

Oh yes my father wants me with a very specific type of guy. I get it he wants the best for me but good men are rare lol.

humpbackjack · Answer

I never cared what anybody else thought of any of the girls I messed with as a matter of fact my family never really liked my last girlfriend and I married her

loveslongnails · Answer

My family never objected to my choices, and I wouldn't have cared if they did.

ElvenMr · Answer

Currently there is this girl i really like.. she looks like nice girl, even tho i know she is kind of a bad girl in reality hah.

TallAnon · Answer

I've been with a girl and after a few hours I decided I would never want to introduce someone like her to my family, so we fucked and never met again.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Nope; never. That's never been an issue. I'm much more judgmental than my parents are.

crazy8000 · Answer

Non of their business. My life. Not theirs. They see it in a similar way.

Caramelpie · Answer

Yes, and I dated him anyways since it’s my personal life not someone else’s.

ChiPaPa · Answer

No. But then again, women don't find me worth the effort.

Mangospacho · Answer

Yes, but I usually resorted to bribery and it helped a lot.

Shiningtempest · Answer

@beebella This is why I don't date because I have no idea how my parents will react if I told them I am dating a woman.

Djaay · Answer

Nope ! ... And its really is none of they're f... business now is it?

Anonymous · Answer

I used to but I no longer care anymore. My parents didn't approve of my last relationship (they didn't like the idea of ME being with her, shall we say) but my girlfriend's parents did.

Twalli · Answer

My family loves my girlfriend as much as they love my sister. So like a daughter.

Joker_ · Answer

I've never worried about their approval or disapproval

Slim57 · Answer

Nah I'll date whoever but my mom didn't approve of my first girlfriend but she wasn't even bad, she approved of the last one and she was horrible

Rawkman · Answer

Yes, it's happened before and it's really messed up when it's someone really know is good.

Dontaaaa · Answer

Nope. I don't desire they're approval in terms of who I fall in love with.

Anonymous · Answer

No to both, but only because I could care less what my drug addicted prostitute mother thinks.

angry_little_kitty · Answer

My family never approved of my ex boyfriend. They love my girlfriend though

Browneye57 · Answer

No. My family doesn't dictate my dating preferences. PERIOD.

LegendaryIcon · Answer

I'm "talking" to a girl right now, and i haven't even told them yet. more so because we're not that serious, we're just "friends", right?

Fuentes · Answer

No my fam dont care as long as she ain't ugly or obese lol

Anonymous · Answer

Well I’m convinced that I am the ugliest person ever in history my family is more concerned about my refusal to date but I know it’ll be a waste I’d be setting myself up to be hurt because I know no will ever really like me just use me

katiesmuff · Answer

Oh yes big time to both questions!

Have you ever been worried that your family wouldn't approve of the person you're dating?

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Have you ever dated someone your family did not like?

Have you ever been worried that your family wouldn't approve of the person you're dating?

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Have you ever dated someone your family did not like?

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