How hard is the first relationship?

[Anonymous]

So I'm 23 and generally haven't really had a proper relationship, I had a long distance one when I was like 17 over Skype and I dated another girl when I was 16 for like a week but then I beat up her brother (There was reasons) so... we broke up...

Since then I haven't dated or properly spoke to a girl I had feelings for since especially about feelings etc and I'm just "scared" for the day I do get a relationship I say something wrong or I shouldn't say and screw the whole thing up...

[Anonymous]

It’s not hard, but it can be difficult when there’s a lack of emotional communication skills and not enough effort.
If you’re looking for a long term relationship, there has to be a lot of trust, communication, and effort too. No one wants a half ass partner who seems like they’re uninterested about the future, if that makes sense.
People just want above the bare minimum (girls especially) — the bare minimum is effort, communication, open emotions, attention, time, and commitment.
* Which means, put in effort to make the relationship work if things get tough, communicate through hard times and emotions, show and tell them that you love them/want a future/care about them, give them undivided attention when alone/talk to them whenever available, spend time with them when available/make time and make them one of your priorities, show and tell them that you are committed to a relationship/want a future/and are loyal to them. *
It seems like a lot, but when you truly feel an emotional connection to them, those will come easy and you will want to do them. Remember that there also is time for yourself too, don’t put them as #1 priority of your entire life… It can ruin you in the long run. Just keep them at the 2nd/3rd. You and your future (school/work/family) are very top priorities.
Reciprocation is very important. If your partner is always paying for dates, gas, gifts, and you don’t do the same… It will make it seem like you’re taking advantage of them or using them. Reciprocate it and everything else listed (communication, effort, time, emotions, attention, commitment).


Another thing is, first relationships can be hard when the other person isn’t 100% in the same boat as you with how you treat them. It can be draining.