How do you feel right the moment you get rejected face to face?

[Anonymous]

I always have the courage to ask out girls I find attractive in person (and I'm always proud of my balls), but the moment I hear a "NO", I suddenly lose my grip of the present, I get lost in my thoughts and my mind goes wandering around trying to distract me from the rejection I just got. Sure I manage to keep a smiley face and laugh it off when the girl says no, but deep inside I get all nervous and dunno what else to say except "Ok then! have a great day!". And that leaves me feeling extremely guilty later on.

So is it normal for everyone to feel that way when they get rejected? or is it just me?

[globetrotter22]

You were likely brainwashed when you were younger that you should never make a girl uncomfortable even if it’s completely necessary (by being honest). Also all this metoo bullshit that went down a few years ago had made many well meaning guys unnecessarily gun shy (fuck you feminists for pushing that crap).

But the fact you got the guts to be straight up with women is impressive. You are man and have a right to be a man. Also it sounds like you handle rejection perfectly if you smile and laugh and just say politely “have a good day”.

Anyway even if these girls are not attracted to you a part of them will respect you for having courage to be direct with them and taking rejection in stride. Also I am glad you can walk on and don’t continue to chat with these girls (which will make them think the friendzone is okay). Some of them will likely have second thoughts later if you continúe that approach. Don’t be surprised if a few months (or even years) later some of these girls might try to circle back with you. That’s actually a good situation to be in. They know where you stand

Anyway rejection never feels good to anyone. But as men we develop thick skin over time.

Never feel guilty (or worse apologize) for being a direct yet mature man. Sounds to me you are ahead of the game with what you are doing. Keep it up and you will land someone really decent at some point soon. Good work man.

[Asker]

Hey thanks for your positive comment man, the courage was something I learned through a couple of previous rejections, while rejection makes some people totally lose faith in themselves, it did the opposite to me, it kinda desensitized emotional overactions and made me view rejection as something normal, so just like you said, men develop thick skin.

Sure I might laugh it off but inside I feel this fight or flight response thing kick in that kinda makes me nervous.

[globetrotter22]

“ but inside I feel this fight or flight response thing kick in”

That’s natural for everybody. Guys react to it differently but again nobody likes being rejected. But you learn to accept it.

As you get older you will get better at anticipating things. You will notice more hints in a woman’s behavior. However when you have a crush it’s tougher because your brain will only want to look at the positive.

Anyway keep up the good work. Although it may be easier said than done don’t take rejection personally.

[OpenClose]

I don't know. usually I'm mildly shaken, but more excited that I tried.

I've gotten way, WAY worse than rejection before. So my worry isn't her saying "sorry I just don't feel that way." It's her turning it into "a creep was hitting on her", using that as evidence for men's sexism, then hearing rumors that you're now a serial rapist, getting death threats, and having to sort out the whole mess with security.

Like, when I hear a "no", I'm not too hurt. Like, at least I tried, and she didn't threaten me or try to end my career. It's the small things.

[globetrotter22]

I know how you feel man. I can actually remember the last time a woman tactfully reject me. She just texted me “hey Joey I appreciate you approaching me but truth is I am not interested”. She didn’t ask me to “be friends” or any other crap. I told her that while I was disappointed I appreciated her honesty and wished her best of luck.

However that is not how most women turn down guys nowadays from my experience. They either act flaky, ghost or worst of all assume I am okay with friéndzone. As for the “creep” comments I have unfortunately gotten that a few times but not often. I give off a “nice guy vibe” so women instead look for ways to take advantage of that which sucks.

[jennifer_bloom]

A lot of guys are afraid of rejection. Some will spend 3 months trying to work up the courage to ask out a girl they like, but one thing that might help, is realizing, she isn’t rejecting you because you are bad. She is turning you away to save room for a different opportunity because she can only date one guy. Or maybe she does not have time or want a connection at the moment.

[OpenClose]

*People are afraid of rejection. Girls just aren't experiencing it in this form.

[globetrotter22]

@OpenClose true. Most women don’t experience if a fraction of the amount of rejection guys do. Very attractive women almost never get rejected.

[Blonde401]

I think this is a completely normal reaction to experiencing rejection. I would definitely feel the same. I asked someone out the other day and I was so incredibly nervous but also 100% prepared to be shot down. So yeah, I feel you. Keep putting yourself out there though dude.

[Elise888888]

I've been told I am unattractive by guys before. I have also been called beautiful by MANY guys before. Therefor, I wouldn't take it seriously. Of course, it always made me feel bad when guys said I was unattractive or not that attractive to them. But I knew that I was... :)

[Browneye57]

Get to a mind set of abundance. Understand that YOU ARE THE PRIZE.
Girls will come and go, they're a dime-a-dozen. But a REAL MAN is a prize to behold.

It's THEIR loss. You have ALL the options. You have a way to go in your life. Most women are at a dead-end. They can't even get out of their own way.

[annabananna]

What you feel is normal. No one likes rejection and it always sucks but when a girl says no all you really can do is so ok, I thought you seemed really cool and I hope you have a nice day. The worst thing someone can do when being rejected is get all pissy and start calling her names. Believe it or not some people do that lol.

[globetrotter22]

@annabananna I hate guys who do that. Especially if they are over 30. But really how do guys do that to women? I am guessing 1 out 100 times.

[AdithyaR]

I get how you feel, I'm in a much worse situation to be honest, I get so wrapped in the anxiety that I already decide in my mind that's I'm absolutely going to get rejected and never even approach them.

[Asker]

Hi, you never know until you give it your shot, otherwise you'll spend your day wondering what would have happened if you asked her out.
plus trust me, the more rejections you get, the better you get at handling it.

[AdithyaR]

I don't actually think about the what would have happened, my mind's already convinced itself that I'm getting rejected. And my anxiety gets the better of me so rejection is too much to handle.

[Phoenix-gb]

It sounds like you're handling the situation at the time pretty well, not making a scene and being polite to the person in question. But I agree it's tough, you've essentially been told you're not good enough by someone who barely knows you (or worse, someone who knows you well) so it's going to suck.

Hope you get better luck soon, from what I've heard it's supposedly worth it, but can't say I've found out for myself yet either.

[Anonymous]

Angry. Not because I was rejected per se. But because I wouldn't have asked her out unless she was giving me signs that she wanted me to ask her out. I know this is going to trigger some women. But this is why I choose not to ask women out anymore. It's just not worth it. If they want me. They can ask me. If they don't ask me then clearly they're not very interested. And doing it this away avoids any confusion.

[Kaamraj]

Normally men are afraid of rejection because the investment they've made is too value, however as they gain more resources and reputation in society, they start caring less.

[RolandCuthbert]

Back in the day, I would just shrug it off and move right on to the next lady.

[brezzybaby]

I have never been rejected to my face I guess so I mean I figure that would really hurt my feelings. And probably make me cry.

[zagor]

If it's someone I've known a while and know to some extent, and have gotten up the nerve to ask, then I suppose it would be uncomfortable. But some girl in a bar or club, nah, one less drink to buy.

[Juxtapose]

I don't make the first move because it has never worked for me. I just sit on my ass and wait for women to come to me because that has been the only thing that actually works.

[globetrotter22]

And how often has that worked?

[Juxtapose]

@globetrotter22 it takes a while but eventually I get somebody every few years about.

[Juxtapose]

I just got done with a relationship so I'll probably have another one by the time I am 35 or 36.

[globetrotter22]

I am actually 40. But I in my 20s I used to be like that and it was a very unsuccessful way to go about things. If I did get approached it was usually by very unattractive women (usually bbws). When on rare occasions I did get approached by attractive women I found myself getting nervous and questioning their motives. Did they actually like me or were they just using me against someone else (which has happened and it was really shitty)

Anyway I can tell you that you will get less and less women approaching you as you age. Only exceptions is if you living and working in a environment with lots of single women around and you are attractive and/or really good at something (and they notice it.).

Not a good plan man. Maybe you will get lucky but the chances of being lonely are much higher.

[Juxtapose]

@globetrotter22 well I am autistic so making the first move and maneuvering around all these subtleties is just not my specialty.

[globetrotter22]

@Juxtapose ah I can see that being a challenge. I personally have ADHD. It sometimes makes me blurt out stupid thoughts or I get quiet when I should speak up.

Not to say everybody has perfect timing and tact when dealing with the opposite gender. But I have to exercise lots of self control when talking to a girl to realize she doesn’t think the same way I do.

[Juxtapose]

@globetrotter22 I also have A. D. D and dyslexia.

This whole expectation of me making the first move and putting all of the social effort on my shoulders is just not going to work. I need a woman who is intelligent enough to recognize that I have a very different perspective and she is going to have to be more direct than she is used to if she wants to be with me.

[globetrotter22]

Well if you managed to get in relationships in the past you can probably get in more in the future

[AndrésC64]

It sucks. You get that sort of sinking feeling in your gut. But then you realize that you probably weren't the best match anyway and move on with your life.

[Anonymous]

I just made a post asking what's the nicest way to say no. Is there a way that kind of rejection wouldn't hit you like that? I don't know, better words, saying yes and then in the date saying no, calling you friend?

[globetrotter22]

He’s young. But he will sooner or later realize that getting the straight up no is the best way to go. If he gets dragged through a shitty friéndzone or two then sooner or later he will be even more thankful for the instant rejection.

However I commend him for his confidence with being straight up women and handling the rejection with stride. As for his negative feelings about being rejected he will learn to process and move on quicker with experience. Sure nobody likes getting rejected. But dating as a man is like being a door to door salesmen. You learn that every no eventually leads to a yes.

[Asker]

It really depends on the guy himself, I have a friend who got rejected by a female-friend he had really strong feelings for, she rejected him but my friend could handle a friendship with her, when I asked my friend how it feels to be in the friendzone, he said that he doesn't care anymore cuz he has 0% feelings for her now, he has moved on and even met with her boyfriend.

In my personal case, I ended up feeling deeply in love with my female friend, I confessed and got rejected but handled it, the difference is that I couldn't stay friends with her because I couldn't bare seeing her happy with someone else (and I couldn't change the way I see her). So even though she told me that she doesn't want to say goodbye and that she wants me to be in her life (as a friend), I decided that we should cut contacts (and no, it wasn't easy for me to reject her request, but I have my rights too).

In my opinion the most subtle way to turn a guy down, is to tell him something like: 'You're one of the nicest and most charming guys I've met, but I like someone else'

[globetrotter22]

“You're one of the nicest and most charming guys I've met, but I like someone else”

Well you are different than me. Having a girl romantically turn me down, call me “nice” and ask to be friends sounds like nails on chalkboard but worse.

I guess I was more tolerant and patient when I was younger because I was idealistic. I always thought there would be some wonderful turn around to situations like that. But there isn’t. Women do often change their minds like the wind. However once they friéndzone, they friéndzone. They are very final and hard set on that decision. At best there is a 1 out of 1000 chance they might change their mind. Even if they do change their mind they are more likely to change it back. Reason being is whatever reason they choose to reject you will always be lingering on their mind.

Anyway I am proud of you walking on from friéndzone bs. That shows you respect yourself.

[Opinion Owner]

@globetrotter22 A guy who barely knows me invited said he likes me and invited me out a couple of times and I always came up with excuses, I was direct and he said I'm mean for rejecting people that way :/

[Joshua0213]

I donr feel at all tbh, its not like I expected her to say yes so why would I feel angry or anything. That jsut seems dumb

[Mango77]

I just don't act bothered and move on everyone gets rejected at some point in life

[Deserter]

Not good, but I prefer closure. In person they have to tell me and I can read them. In text you can never truly tell.

[infp6w7male]

I personally am not afraid of rejection. If she tells me that she's interested in someone else, then I'd let her be. As long as the rejection isn't harsh, then it would be easy for me to get in the friendzone without hesitations.

[Anonymous]

Rejection is painful, but it is not deadly. It's all about how much self-esteem and self-love you have. If you love yourself, you get passed it because you value yourself.

[Still-alive]

oh well. dust yourself off and ask someone else

[Asker]

I meant, is it normal to feel nervous and just want to disappear the moment you hear a no?

[Still-alive]

Yes it is, but you can overcome it

[cookiecrusher]

Like i did my part, now nothing changed for the better, in her life, oh well 😗