Opinion of long distance relationship?

[Anonymous]

[jp612612]

I know this young generation does this a lot, but I just don't see how it works. I've seen questions here that ask advice about their boyfriend/girlfriend of 2+ years and later on the question, they admit that they've never met in person! I mean, what the hell? The problem with never actually seeing someone is that there are a lot of missing pieces when you only talk online or over the phone and invariably, those missing pieces get replaced in your mind by whatever you want them to be. If this goes on, this is going to make being together impossible because the person you create in your mind will be a completely different person when you're together.

That said, maybe I'm just old and this is something that you guys just do now. So maybe you'll make it work, but it seems to be a pretty twisted way to have a relationship.

[Anonymous]

They can work but you can't stay long distance forever. Long distance relationships don't work long term. They can work but if you are trying to have a relationship that is long distance without any plans on moving or them moving... you're toasted

[whereismyjohnny]

I think they can work, but they definitely take a lot of trust, commitment, maturity, and strength. I think they are not for everyone, because not every person could deal with one.

[In_Trance]

They're definitely not easy. Really depends on how long you are together before distance becomes a factor, and how long you'll be apart.

[England4eva]

They just don’t work (sorry to be pessimistic)

[DaySpring]

What are the reasons why it doesn't work?

[England4eva]

@DaySpring because a lot can get misinterpreted over text or email. The guy also has no real sense of urgency to text or call, but if you were living local to each other there would be a much bigger incentive to not cancel on dates and plans. It’s just a completely different experience being so far away.

[DaySpring]

I see, so long distance relationships don't work because it dampens or curtails ones initiative and undermines their communication which leads to them not being on the same page.

That was spot on. I 100% agree. Those were the 2 reasons that derailed us. I was a teenagers in my defense. However, I do believe long distance can work provided that they have made plans or are making plans to move close and have a writing out joint vision for their relationship that they are progressively realizing; along with harmonious, effective communication.

[England4eva]

@DaySpring I think as well. Most men (and it’s not all men’s fault) but most of them are visual creatures. Picture messages are all well and good, but from my experience a man needs to see you in the flesh to feel close.
I think women can create a love story out of a fantasy, men need to feel her presence physically by going out on dinners dates etc.

The communication thing for me was a struggle, cause I was so into texting and talking. But the way he would see it, was that if I wasn’t there we were not making memories, just recycling old conversation. In the end I was the same as you, and I cooled it off, but it upset me greatly to do so. It also upset me that he accepted so easily tbh. I really liked him. I know it sounds lame but I wanted to look after him etc. Usually what a guy says about a woman, but just how I felt.

[DaySpring]

Perhaps there is some truth to that because I have been more emotionally full from the girls I dated in person but did not love than the girls I dated that were not in person but I loved. Although, I wonder about the impact of video chat, something I did not use but once or twice in those days. I doubt it would alter the case.

[England4eva]

@DaySpring I used video chat and my particular guy had no ounce of excitement, in seeing me sitting in my front room talking to him.

He actually really tried at the beginning to be enthusiastic, but it was only to please me. He told me numerous times that he “just didn’t get it” the whole texting and calling thing. But was very interested in taking me out for dinner etc.
I am the polar opposite, and needed to establish a foundation first. Perhaps the whole thing, was just a blatant sign that he wasn’t at all that interested? More than likely.
In the end we disagreed on so much on so many levels, it wasn’t worth wasting each other’s time.
Next time I will walk away much sooner. Because you miss a hundred possible matches waiting for one person to match up to your needs.

[DaySpring]

"Next time I will walk away much sooner. Because you miss a hundred possible matches waiting for one person to match up to your needs." - Very wise statement. There are plenty of fish in the sea. When one comes to understand conditioning, we stop trying to force relationships with people that are not in harmony with us. In my opinion though, he doesn't sound that interested.

[England4eva]

@DaySpring I agree, I don’t think he was either. We all deserve that at least.

[clampfan101]

Possible, but risky.

[Mikey10185]

Lots of trust