Now that I have stopped partying for good the first time in my life since (roughly 20 years) I hsve no idea where to go to meet women?

[Curiousnesshmmm]

How do you meet girls without going to a bar or club?

[HighlyVolatile]

The roundabout way I did it was to still go to bars to make friends, not pick up girls. Then those friends introduced me to new friends at barbecues, picnics, etc. Then those new friends introduced me to some new ones. Then I might still head to the bar and make some more new friends, and I'd introduce those new friends to the group of friends I made so far. At some point, I had my own little community of mostly good people with whom I could hang out regularly.

This continued for some time until I met some great women in those groups for dating, the last of which was my now-wife (I met her at a picnic).

[HighlyVolatile]

It's a very roundabout way and still started often in bars (I got in the habit of moving to new cities all the time as requirements for my work, and the quieter type of bars like a hotel bar, restaurant bar, or Jazz bar always seemed the easiest place to start heading out of my hotel or apartment and making some new friends when I was in a new city).

Yet we only need to make a few that have connections to start networking like crazy. And while it requires us to aggressively introduce ourselves and make new friends, it tends to be a lot of fun and not only gives us a very good chance of meeting good women but making a whole lot of lifelong friends along the way while we're at it.

[HighlyVolatile]

If you head to such bars with the prospect of making friends, not picking up women, I think you tend to find some much better company. Can also avoid drinking, just have a coffee, and even eat something at a restaurant bar while chatting with people around us. Or perhaps you can find a social club or something, although I always found that a gamble since I might not click with the people there and feel a bit stuck. With bars, we can just hop if we're not finding ourselves in particularly engaging conversations with the crowd.

[Curiousnesshmmm]

Very good advice as I can’t stand internet dating, internet dating for me at least feels so unnatural. Anyways thanks I’m not sure why I haven’t thought of it but I actually need to make an effort like I used to when I was younger

[HighlyVolatile]

Cheers! I can't stand internet dating as well. I've been married for almost 12 years now and it's been a very long time since I started dating.

Yet I started mostly with nightclubs and bars trying to pick up women, and I actually got enough practice that I started to succeed more often than not. Yet I might have been an oddball since I didn't want to just hook up. I really wanted a girlfriend.

But I never met such great women there and not because great women don't go to bars and clubs as I'm sure you've very well experienced, but most of the great ones are just looking to have fun with their friends. I think when we look to pick up women in those environments, and combined with the impaired judgment from alcohol on both our parts, it's pretty unlikely that we'll be so compatible with the women we succeed to pick up there.

So I kind of changed my strategy up after a while and just started to enjoy those establishments regardless of what happened and not seeking to date, but just down for good times and good conversations and fun. Then I actually did start making some good friends at such places: both men and women. Then they'd introduce me to more people.

I tend to think now in retrospect that we need a community first. It could be an expanding one that grows with more members. It's like replicating that environment we had back in school, seeing the same faces every day and finding love interests among people we already know to some extent, and whose mutual friends can vouch for their good nature. I think that fits into our evolutionary history as social creatures who spent the bulk of our human history in small communities working together.

[Drumlin2001]

Art class, cooking class, supermarket, online.

[Curiousnesshmmm]

I’m definitely not a fan of online dating though l, that nonsense seems too unnatural and like an interview plur if you do one thing they don’t like the girls just disappear and why? Because they have unlimited opinions. The people on there seem a little…….