How do I get over someone who looks good, but is not good for you?

[Kkstarzz96]

[Almost29M]

I was engaged to someone who was horrible for me. If she had not gotten pregnant by her ex, we might still be together. It has been almost 18 months and with 2 therapists and a lot of medication, I am finally making progress. Therapist #2 said that when the other person is abusive, either mentally or physically, all the usual timeframes go out the window. It can take people years to get over someone they only briefly dated. Talking it out and keeping myself distracted so I don't dwell on her or her countless actions has been the only thing that has helped. Even time hasn't started helping yet. Just realize that it's ok and to forgive yourself for not making the progress you wish you were.

[Kkstarzz96]

Did you have 2 therapists because the first one wasn't helpful to you?

[Almost29M]

One is my regular therapist. She helps me with my ADHD and OCD The 2nd one is a specialist in family therapy and depression. I definitely needed a specialist to help me with all the damage my ex did.

[Kkstarzz96]

I don't know how to get a referral to a specialist therapist. I only really liked one but thats cause she told me the truth lol at first I was like I can't believe I paid for her to tell me what's wrong with me and then it truly was. I only saw her once and that one session changed a lot about my outlook. I've been thinking about seeing her again. But why did you ask this girl to marry you? Like what was your plan?

[Almost29M]

I have the VA because I served in the U. S. Navy. I had to use their crisis line to get the referral. Other crisis lines should have that. You can also call therapist offices directly. There's a website called BetterHelp. com that can do it online if you prefer that. They claim to be affordable.

I asked the girl to marry me because I knew right away that I loved her more than anyone I had ever met. Our first few months together were amazing. We spent all our time together and I never doubted for a moment that she was the woman of my dreams. I proposed. a week later her own psychologically abusive ex came back and said this time he was actually leaving his wife so they could be together. She rejected him, but soon started seeing him behind my back. She lied about it and gaslit me for months. She started doing all kinds of manipulative things to me and finally it came out and she dumped me 3 days before we were supposed to start our lives together (with a text message that she sent to her friend, who then had to tell me). 2 weeks later she told me she may have made the worst mistake of her life and was open to working things out with me. I was just vulnerable and distraught enough to consider it but then she found out she was pregnant (she and I hadn't had sex yet) so that was pretty much what saved me from making the same mistake twice

[Kkstarzz96]

Woah... that's so dark. People say the history shouldn't tell the future but, you know, it's bound to happen again it just depends if someone is actively trying to move on and she wasn't. Honestly I can't judge too much, I also got thrown a curveball when I was set on who i was dating and the past came up and I forgot what I had promised. It's more than just the good times, its the whole person's life becomes yours, before and after the period where you two became acquainted. It's a lot but I'm glad she was able to fuck it up for you to realize you deserve better and find out what works for you personally. I'll try therapy again, even though it sucks sometimes. Thanks and God bless you

[Almost29M]

Good luck. I hope it works out for you. Even with therapy it took over a year for me to start making progress. I don't know anything about your situation but be kind to Kkstarzz96 (insert your real name). She deserves compassion, not pity right now. She deserves patience while she worse things out and she is not bound by any time limit or mandatory milestones. It will get better in its own time.

[Anonymous]

Realize that you were deceived by an optical illusion. When I was younger, I always fell for attractive women who disrespected me... and realized they could manipulate me. Now, I would never fall for such trickery!

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks! Good luck!

[Nahid1707]

They say best way to get over someone is to get under someone. So.. what we doing Later?😊


You would have to move on, find a guy who isn’t toxic, isn’t unhealthy and take your time with dating

[Kkstarzz96]

Sigh

[Nahid1707]

i tried to help, you would want to be around good people

[Blackcupcake]

those are the easiest to get over cause their aura is just… 🤢🤮

[Kkstarzz96]

I mean someone can be not good for you but it doesn't make them gross its just that you guys have more conflicts than peace and that's not okay to have as a relationship. And even worst is when you try to do friends with benefits cause you're putting time and energy into it but there's nothing more you'll get from it then some fun times, no future. But I still see them and feel sad it can't work

[Blackcupcake]

having more conflicts than peace is super extremely tiring… I wouldn’t want to be around that person and it certainly makes getting over them a lot easier, for me personally.

but I think you should have priorities and that you set goals for yourself based on those priorities and focus on them. if he’s a hindrance to your goals then just cut him off and focus on you… with time, you’ll be happy with the choice you made cause it was the best thing you could have done for yourself

[Kkstarzz96]

You don't really see the long term effects until its been a long time. But it's good advice. I'm blind when it comes to seeing how your decisions today could make you rich or poor etc. Like it doesn't seem harmful until you fall for it so many times, weakness if you had to name it. I hate boys lol

[IsoUser]

You seriously get over he or she by concentrating on yourself

[Creampiekarl420]

Stop dating people for their looks that’s why you people have such terrible dating experience

https://www.youtube.com/embed/ziyGcUTaMVg

[dolemite89]

settle down with a nice guy but still bang the hot guys on the side, that’s what a lot of women do 🤣

[Kkstarzz96]

No no no not that I would like both

[dolemite89]

cochina

[JosyJosy]

ignore the heart

[Kkstarzz96]

Lol more like ignore your sight

[Kaneki05]

Distance and time.

[Kkstarzz96]

It's been almost a month of distance and time and I'm still so sad that he's not for me lol and I'm more sad that I lost weight in this month and there's no one to show it to LOL

[Kaneki05]

You'll find someone, and that's great be proud of that for yourself and it's not gonna hurt your chances of finding someone to show it off too.

[scott04sa22]

Just move on

[Kkstarzz96]

You know I didn't think of that

[scott04sa22]

You’ll find someone probably by the end of the year or sooner. Fingers crossed

[Kkstarzz96]

Oh so you're a fortune teller now? Okay I'll hold you to it, sometime this fall or winter season, I'll meet someone better than the guy I can't forget now. If not, you owe me an apology

[scott04sa22]

No… woman have easier time finding men then men finding woman From my experiences

[Kkstarzz96]

That is true but the keyword is somebody. I could find someone shortly but I am looking for someone to spend my life with. If the opportunity came up where who i was dating was interested in pursuing marriage, I would be onboard with seeing our options. We don't have to wed anytime soon, just planning how we would live our lives together is what I want in someone, and that cannot be anyone cause first things first, do I like them as a person

[scott04sa22]

I’m sure there’s men who is looking for marriage then short term. Most of the women I used to see are either in long term relationships or married.

[Kkstarzz96]

Exactly who is single these days and not a fraud

[scott04sa22]

But it is hard finding the right person