I just saw that my new boyfriend of 1 month upgraded his ok cupid profile with pictures that were taken after we started dating?

[GreenEyesBrownHair]

I'm really hurt that he dis this especially since he was very serious since our first date and said he didn't try other options since our beginning.. I already met his family even though we are only 1 month together and I feel hurt.

[HollyK21]

If you are officially in a relationship then honestly I think that’s grounds to break up, especially after only a month. There’s no reason or excuse for him to be updating his dating profile with recent pics of himself unless he is still seeking other women. Sorry. Better to end it now before you develop more feelings and it gradually becomes harder to leave, or getting cheated on altogether.

[GreenEyesBrownHair]

I know.. he assured me multiple times that he doesn't seek for other options since we started dating, making future plans with me, telling me what a good woman I am and how serious he with about me, bringing me to meet his family..
Should I confront him or just disappear?

[HollyK21]

The grown up thing to do is confront him and break up properly. Trust me I am not one to immediately jump to breaking up, because I know that we are human, fights/mistakes/etc happen and may ultimately be able to be resolved. But I’m sorry, there’s just no excuse for updating his profile in that fashion or even being on there if you guys are officially in a relationship. If it were just the dating stage and still exploring options, then sure, that is both of your rights. But this crosses the line and destroys the element of trust you so very much need to establish in a relationship. Then if you have insecurities with that already, you do not need a guy who fuels that. Would breaking up suck? Sure. But it hasn’t been long enough to do real damage and 9/10 you have been through worse, you will breeze through this.

[GreenEyesBrownHair]

After he asked me on a first date, we postponed it for a few days because I was tested positive for covid. During my quarantine he talked to me all day everyday, and I noticed he commented thirsty stuff on post of random girls he follows on Instagram, which bothered me and I confronted him (even though it was before our first date and technically he doesn't owe me anything) iwas surprised to know he apologized and admitted he made a mistake and he confessed that if it was the opposite, he would be bothered too. A few days after that he did it again on Facebook, and I only found out about it a few day ago, I was upset and I was more upset after I confronted him. His excuse was that it wasn't a thirst comment, but a mocking one ( the girl was showing her butt and captioned it "try to concentrate on my eyes" and he commented "I'm trying to it's difficult"). Now obviously it's the lamest excuse he could've found and he didn't even apologized..
The thing is, if I'm gonna confront him about the sudden dating profile update, I think he's gonna bring up some lame excuse again, so I kinda want to disappear on him and save myself from bulls***.

[HollyK21]

Well, you have to do what feels right for you. You could call or text to just break up, there doesn’t have to be any argument or explanations, just let him know you’re done and take care. It’s a little more fair than if you two were just seeing each other, and you ghosted. I only suggest this because you don’t want the dust to settle and then feel bad for just ditching rather than closing the door in the right way. On the other hand, you don’t owe him that, it’s a courtesy in this case. It seems like he wouldn’t be a faithful or honest guy and who knows how much he’d care about the break up aside from his pride being slightly wounded. Anyway, the choice is yours, and either way is fine.

[GreenEyesBrownHair]

Should I create a fake profile, match with him and see if he's actually cheating? Just so I would know the truth in case he's gonna excuse the picture thing somehow

[HollyK21]

Personally I wouldn’t, if for nothing else then just for the fact that it is far too much work, for many reasons. For instance, if you already saw that he’s updated his pics, then that means you are on the app too, and when I say this I don’t mean that you’re searching, but you’re keeping tabs on him and you should never have to do that, or want to for that matter. You say you want to catch him cheating, but why does it have to go there? The fact that he’s even active on there and flirts with other women is already a massive red flag. You don’t want to spend the entirety of your relationship policing what he does, and already he’s ruining your ability to trust him. This is not a good start, and if you stay then there will only more of these situations.

[Nahid1707]

Your relationship is still very new
Hopefully everything is okay 😊

[spartan55]

Is your profile taken down?

[GreenEyesBrownHair]

No, but only so I could snoop around and see when he's online. I already had trust issues with him, and now it appears that it was for a good reason.

[spartan55]

Wow, a shameless hypocrite. Smh...

[spartan55]

Are you in a monogamous committed relationship with him? Did you talk about taking your profiles down?

[GreenEyesBrownHair]

Yes.. it's an exclusive relationship which he pushed to it, I'm the one that wasn't sure because I felt like I can't completely trust him. Anyways, I kept it solely to check on his profile. I didn't updated anything and didn't talked to no one. He told me over and over he stopped checking his options once we started dating. So why the pic updating? This isn't the first time I sensed that he's betraying me.

[spartan55]

The picture thing isn't proof of anything, but that is beside the point. You admittedly don't trust him, yet you get into a relationship with him? Not a smart move, and now where are you? Ready to scrap a one month relationship... seems like it could have been avoided too. It sounds like you were actively looking for a reason to not trust him, which is another gigantic sign the relationship was doomed.

[GreenEyesBrownHair]

Well he kinda gave me a reason not to trust him. He asked me on a date back on February but didn't follow through, came back after 2 weeks, till this day he didn't explain to me why the date never happened so yeah.. I had hard time trusting him.. I might look for something wrong but hey, looking for something wrong is one thing, but looking and finding is another.

[spartan55]

So because he didn't give you a reason about the date you didn't trust him? Damn. So, if that's how you felt then why did you get involved with him?

[spartan55]

And you really didn't find anything. Why do I feel like every guy you date gets this type of scrutiny whether he earned it or not?

[GreenEyesBrownHair]

It's his shady behavior that bothered me.

[spartan55]

Then you shouldn't have gotten together with him. This is pretty basic stuff.

[GreenEyesBrownHair]

Probably but he pursued me afterwards and telling me from the beginning he's serious about me and I was naive enough to believe it.

[spartan55]

Okay... do you think you have trust issues in general?

[GreenEyesBrownHair]

Maybe a little but when a person f***s up what other choice do I have? Should I create a fake account and match with him to see if he's really cheating? Since you said that updating photos isn't a proof

[spartan55]

When he fucks up? By not giving you a reason for not following through? That is like giving the death penalty for jaywalking. I think your trust issues are much more serious than you think.
So you think the ol fake account thing is the way to go here? Don't bother, just end it.

[GreenEyesBrownHair]

No just that.. hmHe he did other questionable things..

[spartan55]

Like I said, you already have the deck stacked against the guy at this point. Just end it. Why wouldn't you?

[spartan55]

Are you really 28? If you are then you should be embarrassed even entertaining the fake account idea. That is beyond immature.

[Luckycharms12]

Sounds like not a boyfriend anymore

[Anonymous]

Call him out on it.