What are the best words to use to (kindly) let a man know that I'm not interested?

Question

I've always had an issue with this. It breaks my heart to hurt other people. Either I hurt them, or they think I'm not serious and then they try harder.

Fireguy17 · Accepted Answer

The best way is to be polite and direct, something like thank you but I'm not interested right now, or I'm not available, while I appreciate your offer I am currently in a relationship with someone.
Remember, you are not responsible for someone else's feelings.
You are not saying this to be mean, nor are you purposely leading someone on just to be mean and rejecting them.
I don't take it personally if I am rejected by anyone, it's a numbers game, it happens to everyone.
Who wouldn't want to be with a rich handsome guy who would always treat whomever they were with like a queen, who would be by their side in good times and even closer during bad times.
Someone who is gregarious and can walk into a room full of strangers and be the life of the party, a phenomenal piano player, a good singer, someone you feel safe with, yet will be more than happy to understand when you need alone time, or when you need to be with friends, someone who is a great cook, who can satisfy your every desire.
It happens more often than you think, but I digress.
For everyone who for what ever reason is not interested in someone like that there are others that would be interested in being with someone like that.
You simply keep asking.
So try to not feel guilty, easier said than done, but you say no thank you, I'm not interested simply because you are not interested.
It isn't any reflection on you if their feelings are hurt.
That is their issue, not yours.
Some men can handle rejection better than others, and those people that have a hard time handling rejection have some growing up to do.
Think of how boring life would be if you always got everything you wanted.
You wouldn't appreciate what you have.
So just be yourself, you are in control of your feelings, not how others feel.
When you want to say no thank you to someone, that is ok, it doesn't make you a bad person, it's just the opposite, it makes you a strong confident woman that knows what she wants and won't settle for less or be coerced into doing something she doesn't wish to do or be with someone she doesn't care to be wit.

mobiusforniner · Accepted Answer

Stop being immature and kidding yourself into thinking your close guy friends aren't interested in you. Tell them upfront so that you dont lead them on. Honestly you probably just enjoy the attention a bunch of guys give you...

I never really understood this concept. I was close friends with a girl for years. We did things together. Cried together. I comforted her, encouraged and supported her. Id cook for her, helped her parents when they were sick. God, I loved her. And when I told her i loved her, she acted all surprised and butt hurt that we werent friends anymore. Like, really? Yeah that fucking hurt

MaKa_newbie · Accepted Answer

Listen, I always hung out with a bunch of guys and I was mostly the only girl there.
First, if they are nice and friendly to you it doesn't always mean they want something more. Maybe they just consider you close friend and that's it.
Second, if you think that they are maybe flirting or something it would be best yo just come straight up and be honest. It doesn't mean that you bave to be rude about it. You can just come in a conversation and tell them that you are not interested to have a relationship right now.
But in any case, being that person a friend or not, just tell them honestly. Hey, sorry, I'm not interested. Not really a big deal. It's better to tell them sooner then later. Don't lead them on, because then you'll probably hurt them.

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

'Thank you, but I am not interested'.

'I don't see a future together like that. Best of luck elsewhere.'

'No. I am not looking to explore this any further.'

Any man who cannot graciously accept this is someone you do not want in your life. 'Why not! Give me a chance, you and every girl rejects me' is poor behavior and an unnecessary response.

A responsible man looking for genuine feedback, may politely ask, is there something I could have done better? or should I modify my approach? Are there any changes to my appearance that might help me in the future?

ShadezMcgee · Answer

Being direct and leaving no room for misconceptions is the best way to be nice to a. an when you reject them. Any bit of letting them down easy or being ambiguous with responses hoping they get the hint is going to either leave them with hope of a chance or they will be more persistent thinking you are playing hard to get.

Don't do that and just pull the bandaid off quick. Men may hurt at first but they will ultimately be grateful for being one of the few honest women down the line as opposed to the women that led them on. Believe me. Men have more respect for women who are direct and upfront.

Anonymous · Answer

Tell him bluntly. There is no nice way to do it. And the more you try the worse you're going to make it on him and you.
Honestly when a woman tries to be polite about it it just comes off as pity. And it's bad enough to be rejected you're actually insulting him a second time by pitying him. DON'T DO THAT! He's a big boy, he can handle it. And if he can't, I'm sorry but friend or not that's really NOT your problem.
Now the next part. Don't be surprised if he doesn't want to talk to you after this. So many women take this personal, and they shouldn't! If you're truly his friend you will understand this. He has a right to be angry, he doesn't have the right to vent verbally against you though.
Hope this helps

DCPowered · Answer

Do not apologize when you are turning them down and do not give them anything to latch onto. For example "Sorry, I'm not dating right now" adding the "sorry" makes your rejection weaker and putting TMI like "not dating right now" could be interpreted as "I plan on dating later" meaning comeback some other time.

OddBeMe · Answer

Eesh…this is hard. I would say a lightly systematic transition toward ambiguity. Be nice and the “flirty friend” for a few days, transition to non-flirty friend, transition to workplace acquaintance.

It’s tough when guys get so emotionally caught up. And possibly dangerous.

Guy__ · Answer

"No" "don't" "not" are triggering regardless of the rest of the sentence.  "Thank you so much, but I like a different guy"

Anonymous · Answer

"Thank you for asking, but I'm sorry I'm not interested". I had a woman say this to me and I immediately had respect for her and the rejection was somewhat less of an impact. Whether true or not, she thanked me for asking, and I think that's important. It seemed like she really meant it, and it did help a little soften the reject. For me in that case anyway.

A friendship makes it harder, and depending on how that person feels about you, the friendship continuing may not be possible, or at least will need "a break" from it. Because they won't be able to change how they feel about you (if it's genuine), continuing a friendship might be too much for them to handle. But just be nice, direct and honest. And if you're thinking something but not sure about it, reverse it and put yourself in their place. Would you want that said to you?

RealMarek · Answer

You need to be direct and leave no ambiguity. Something like “I don’t feel the same way about you and am not interested in a romantic relationship. I appreciate your friendship, but if you need some space I understand.” If the man tries harder, then a firm “No, I am not interested in that kind of relationship with you and will not be interested. Please do not ask again.”

serious_miss419 · Answer

Unfortunately, just by being polite and kind in our own nature - guys often assume we are leading them on or that we are into them. We shouldn’t have to explain our self to them, they should just leave us alone.
I simply tell him to go away and don’t talk to me that way.

PortraitOfTerd · Answer

"I'm not interested" Beating around the bush or making up lies like you already have a boyfriend is more sad for us... Jus being straight up honest takes away the blow and we accept it easier

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Being honest and direct doesn't have to be harsh. Also even if you deliver the softest blow sometimes people don't react well. That said if you're friends saying something like I want to be upfront because we're friends. I like our friendship, value it and would like to be friends and want to be clear about it because I don't want to be misleading or a bad friend. Something like that. Good luck and thanks for being empathetic towards others. Just remember it's ok to do the same for yourself.

Bluemax · Answer

Thank you but I don't feel about you that way.

Searching for a painless way to reject someone is like searching for Eldorado. It doesn't exist. Hence the best way to do it is quickly, politely, and unambiguously.

It's understandable that it hurts you to hurt people. However this doesn't mean you are therefore excused from doing it. Sadly it must be done.

Pinkpantera · Answer

You should tell them honestly straight up. I do not and will not ever want to date you. You can say you're sorry if you hurt their feelings. But by under no circumstances do you leave room for them to think they're is a chance. (This might not apply to you) but for the love of God to women out there. If you are in this situation with a guy... Do not be sending them your photo all the time, men are visual and it will literally translate to you basically gifting them and subsequently make them think you like them.

lightbulb27 · Answer

you elude to this... it's not about the words but how you say it. you're fear of hurting someone else does not help. It shows as weakness which means he thinks he has a chance. A firm boundary... one does not cross!

learn to be confident in your answer and realize they will survive.

I don't think there's any specific words that will work for everyone. In general, a clear direct answer works better.

SassyAsianGoddess · Answer

When a guy im not interested in on a dating app messages me, I always say something like "thank you for introducing yourself but I don't engage in long distance relationships" or "thanks for dropping in my inbox, but I'm looking for someone different" etc (whatever the reason is) and I always end with "I wish you the best of luck in your journey ahead and hope you have a blessed day."

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

" sorry I'm not interested" "I don't really see you as anything more than a friend right now I'm sorry" "I'm not ready to pursue a relationship right now"

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Just say im not interested in you romantically. Ideally you're brave enough to give a solid reason why. Men are logical and its easier to deal w real feedback instead of wishy washy female ways of saying things. Just say im not sexually into you. Or our lifestyles dont match because you travel and im not looking to leave our town. Or i really value someone who shares my religion and you dont.

dolemite89 · Answer

your friend is right, male “friends” are phonies and you don’t want to lose their “friendships” cuz they give you free attention and validation. That’s why girls always beat around the bush and can’t directly turn down a guy. Why give up free attention if you don’t have to? just tell them ur not interested and stop the facade of being friends with guys you know want to fuck you.

CTHuskyMan · Answer

I would suggest something like "I'm not ready for that right now" or "you're a great guy, but I'm not into you that way". Try to let him down easy, though.

Birbman · Answer

Be direct, don't leave any room him to think he has to "try harder". Something along the lines "I'm not interested in that kind of relationship" or "Maybe it's too soon" or "This is going a bit too fast".

itsalyssaagain · Answer

You have to tell him straight up “I’m not interested and I wish you the best of luck.” And guess what, even when you do, there’s the possibility that he will try to pursue you. Be as firm as you can be in these situations.

Sonorous · Answer

I think the kindness should be shown more non-verbally.

Anonymous · Answer

Just be honest and straight forward.
I know I would prefer honesty. I hate it when guys play games or appear to give mixed signals in an attempt to be nice. Worst is when you r ghosted.
I think honesty is the least hurtful and kindest approach.

ArtemisSilver · Answer

Just say you're flatted but not interested. Simple and direct is best.

Curmudgeon · Answer

YOU ARE A GREAT LADY! Suggestions: 1. A polite email, privately 2. A polite text, also privately Emphasis on private. Do not do this in from of his friends, your friends, or even strangers.

Open2It · Answer

I love this quote from the movie Last of the Mohicans - 'You've complimented me with your persistence and patience. But the decision I have come to is that I'd rather make the gravest of mistakes than to surrender my own judgment. Please take this as my final answer. It must be no.'

With alterations to fit the circumstances, I have used this several times.

Moose304 · Answer

Over the years I have learned to stay as nice as people will let me be. I have had it be as simple as OK have a great life all the way to having to get protective orders. Not an easy question to answer.

JSmuve · Answer

It's not about words, it's about actions. If you really cared about them, you'd try to set them up with attractive, single women you know. That way they could pursue them instead of being interested in you.

Anonymous · Answer

Why does a 45 yr. old woman not know how to do this? I've known how to do this since I was 12 not because I like being mean but I don't want to go out with 50 guys of all ages (and old) who approach me every day.

DiegoO · Answer

Why you see as negative the decision of letting other people know you're not interested in a relationship? There is not a tender way to reject someone. You can only assume you're being tender with someone who may think otherwise 🤷

spartan55 · Answer

Sorry, I'm not interested.

SolitarySolace · Answer

Well, for one thing, don’t play ridiculous mind games to make him think you’re interested when you’re really not. Too many women do this

Pudsmucker · Answer

Sometimes you have to hurt the people so they can get the hint.

Nerdy_Blonde · Answer

Doesn’t matter what you say some guys still won’t get the hint

TheLoneTerran · Answer

Don't use : Is this some kind of joke? or "With the way you look? Fuck no.". Those kind of hurt.

dreamstar72 · Answer

Ask me again when I’m 90 by then I might actually care.

red324 · Answer

I've lost count of how many times I've heard I like you I just don't see you as someone I want to date. This I usually the text I get the next day after a date. Please don't say that to a guy.

AviatorTom · Answer

Bring blunt is often the best. Try this "I'm sure you're a nice guy, but I'm really not interested."

crossdressingrihno · Answer

Just say your not interested

Jadethedream · Answer

I need time to myself to think what need in life. Think we on different paths

Caunsos · Answer

How you want a your crush to tell you that they are not interested in you and it will never. It always sucks

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

You're a woman you don't have a soul. Just do what women always do, crush his soul. It sustains you.

Subarugirl · Answer

Just tell him that you're not interested. That should be enough.

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

Rape! No, I'm kidding lol. Either I have a boyfriend or you're sweet as a friend. Those are usually cancer to a guy that's trying to hit it.

pureforresttruth · Answer

To bad I didn't meet you before my boyfriend.  I have a friend that would enjoy meeting you. I have daddy issues you couldn't comprehend or deal with.

SignedAutographs · Answer

Doesn't this then prove that guys and girls can't be "just friends"?

KrakenAttackin · Answer

He is a beta male orbiter, just continue to abuse him.

Emilyis · Answer

NO! Thank you.

Browneye57 · Answer

A simple FUCK OFF works.

Iron_Man · Answer

I’m not dating at this time

Twalli · Answer

Tell them you're interested in someone else,

myabe123 · Answer

I don’t want to ruin our friendship.

lofii · Answer

Tell me to fuck off. Don't be nice or kind.

jasco · Answer

I don't like you

Anonymous · Answer

Can't be done, brutality is the best route

What are the best words to use to (kindly) let a man know that I'm not interested?

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How to nicely tell him I’m not interested?

What are the best words to use to (kindly) let a man know that I'm not interested?

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How to nicely tell him I’m not interested?

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