Why is he behaving like this?

[Anonymous]

I have a guy that I’m dating that he is like.. I wouldn’t say puts me down but he kind of diminishes everything in doing
losibg weight.. why would I do that.. like, I don’t wanna sound cliche butt he has a problem w me being successful

[Hrumf]

This might be difficult to hear…but he sounds toxic and possibly a narcissist. The right man would love you for you and celebrate your accomplishments.


Get out before you get too drawn in. You deserve better! ❤️

[OBB29]

He sounds insecure. You're trying to lose weight and he's not supportive or is he asking you to lose weight?

[Asker]

He doesn’t want me to look good

[OBB29]

I see. Well, it sounds like he's scared you might find someone he thinks is better than him. I'm not saying that you want to or would, but that might be the irrational thought in his mind. Maybe he's insecure about his body? Basically, it'd be a good idea to be gentle but direct with him. Like in a curious tone, not accusing him. You could say, "Hey so lately I've been feeling sad, because I've been working hard to get healthier, and I've made some progress and it's been exciting, because it's something I've really wanted for ____ reasons. But, it seems like you might not like that I'm getting healthier. Is that true? Can you tell me if something about this worries you or what's going on?" Then try to reassure his fears, if he admits them, and say that you're still going to continue with your goals, but that you still want to be with him and make the relationship stronger.

[Asker]

He also has a problem wearing hair extensions

[Asker]

Or he says I will not make it living alone

[OBB29]

Yeah... well it does sound like insecurity. Trying to control another person, like he's trying to do w/you, tends to be about insecurity and anxiousness. It's not your problem to fix. Maybe he's shown you enough of who he is. You don't need anyone's permission, except your own, to break up with him.

I will say that it's a good relationship skill to try to talk things out with a person. This is something I struggled with for years, because I thought I knew exactly what the other person would say or do, so I didn't try. But it's actually a way to keep disagreements/resentment in a relationship. I'm not saying you haven't tried, just mentioning it's a good thing to practice. Good luck!