Why would a guy pretend to have less cash than he actually has to his girlfriend?

[Gloree]

I know my boyfriend is not a billionaire but he pretended he only has the basics only to take me out today and show me a luxurious home he is building which is on the verge of completion and he says we are going to live there.

I didn't know if I should be mad or happy. Like I am still shocked. Now he thinks I am disappointed but I'm just speechless. Like he kept it from me and was regulating my financial demands when I could have been buying more expensive dresses and stuff. I've been wearing average clothes and using average toiletries. It is not fair.

I have been on silent mode and have not talked to him since because I feel cheated. Who is wrong here?

Updates

1 y

To be clear, I'm not extravagant. I'm just mad because I have seen pictures of his ex. She used to dress luxuriously. He's telling me he didn't want to spoil me the same way he spoilt her. So now I'm the victim which is not fair.

Updates

1 y

We settled. I see many of your points. The home is better than the clothes and stuff. He said I should not worry. I will enjoy but later. You people on gag are so helpful though most of you are harsh.

[BobSansMal]

He may currently only have the basics because he's is building such a nice home for the two of you. This endeavor may well be consuming most of his resources.

Try to talk with him in a non-confrontational manner, initially assuming the best of intentions from him, to understand exactly what the situation really is, why you are confused, and what that confusion means to you (why this is a big deal to you).

The two of you may have differing values of how to allocate money, and you need to get this straight as soon as possible. Money problems/disagreements are a major source of relationship failures, but they can be avoided by openness and planning.

[Adronicus]

Gold Digger protection. We men develop a shell when hurt, some of us to protect the heart inside. Other men choose to fundamentally change themselves to manipulate back.

[Adronicus]

What do you want? Do you want to break through that shell? Do you love this man enough to do that? If not leave him be.

[Gloree]

Of course I love him. I've been dating him when he was pretending to have bare necessities. I said yes because of his personality. I like leadership type of personality. I feel it will help a man prosperous even if he has nothing now. Only for me to discover he has been pretending

[Adronicus]

Then love him by sacrificing this one transgression, if there's anymore transgressions I wouldn't be as lenient.

[Adronicus]

I'd also like to add that if you're sincere he is a very lucky man:) Gives me hope:) A woman willing to invest in her man when he has nothing, I admire that if it's deserved.

[Gloree]

Thank you.🙂

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

"was regulating my financial demands"...

What right do you have to make financial demands on your boyfriend...

I could have been buying more expensive dresses and stuff. I've been wearing average clothes and using average toiletries. It is not fair.

How about pay for your own clothes and toiletries instead of demanding someone else to.

So you'd rather have expensive clothes and toiletries than a beautiful home? Smh

And, maybe just maybe he spoiled his ex because she didn't demand it and he wanted to, and maybe just maybe he wants to be loved for himself and not for the money you want him to spend on you...

[MysticAngel5000]

Guys may do this for several reasons. Here are some of the more common ones -

1. He is trying to save money. He has X amount to spend... so he tells you that is all he has. He wants to maintain a budget and avoid over-spending.

2. He doesn't want to let you know just how much money he has. This could be because you make significantly less and he doesn't want to be "showy" or be accused of bragging. If he has a lot of money, he may also want to avoid being taken advantage of. When guys have a lot of money, they can easily fall victim to gold-diggers who only want his money, not him.

I do have to disagree with your post. You sound rather entitled. "I could have bought more expensive dresses". Really? What is wrong with what you currently have? Yes, it's fine to buy new clothes when you need them or have a few nicer items on hand for special occasions. But you don't need to regularly dress to the nines and wear $1,000+ dresses. It is just unnecessary for regular, every day life.

It's great this guy has been working on what sounds to be a nice house and plans to let you live there with him. I'd be really excited. I'd be happy for him, thankful he was including ME into his future, and I'd be proud of him for being financially stable.

Ignoring him is a bit much. You found out he actually has more money than he let on. So your first thought is "omg! I've been cheated! I could have been blowing all his money on fancy, unnecessary things... but instead, I've been "lowered" to just the basics!". Yeah... NOT attractive. You should have been thinking "WOW - this guy really has his act together. He's been building this house... for US? Man... I am LUCKY!"

Don't let the money change you or your opinion of him. You are still NOT entitled to ANY of it. It is HIS, NOT yours. He doesn't have to buy you fancy clothes and stuff. If you get mad because he won't, you aren't the right girl for him.

The best thing to do is talk to him. Let him know you love the house and can't wait to live there with him. Ask him what made him decide to downplay things at first. If you say his ex girlfriend seemed rather high-class and even he himself said she was spoiled, well there's your answer. He downplayed things to avoid another gold-digger repeat. He didn't want you to start demanding expensive things like his ex did. He didn't want to have to PAY just to keep you around.

This was likely a test. A test to show the type of person you truly are. Right now, you're failing that test. If you are going to start changing and wanting him to buy you expensive stuff just because you know he has money and you feel entitled to it because you're so "beneath" common things, you're probably going to run this guy off. He is going to start seeing you as a repeat of his ex.

I wish you the best of luck. I hope it goes well. Just please, don't be materialistic and start wanting his money.

.

[Gloree]

Thank you. Wish I saw this earlier. You deserve mho

[MysticAngel5000]

I appreciate that. Thank you for the kind words. I am so glad my input was helpful. I sincerely wish you the best!

[Gloree]

U are welcome. and Thanks.

[Adam1978]

You are and he clearly made the right call to keep it from you. It's his money and it's his house. He worked hard for it be glad that you even get a chance to live in it. You can easily be replaced. So don't start expecting some luxery life unless you provide it to yourself. Because you are there as long as it fits him. If you wanted the control over how much money you had you would have earned them yourself. Your just lending his life style aslong as you live with him. Keep that in mind, it's not something you have earned or deserve.

[HighValue]

She is his EX for a reason. Probably the GREED and selfishness is why she is an ex. You will soon be an ex too if you behave the same way. Just by your post here makes me think that you are the kind of woman I and many guys want to avoid being with. HE earned it. YOU have no right to HIS earnings.

In my opinion, he should leave you. You care more about money than you care about him. This is why any intelligent man should either not get married, or insist on a prenuptial agreement.

Also, some people don't realize that often the people with expensive houses and expensive vehicles don't actually have much discretionary/spending money because they used most of their income to purchase those things and will be paying it out for the next 30 years. Having a high gross income on paper doesn't mean people can afford to do much if they don't use their earnings wisely. They can be cash poor.

[LiamSawyer]

Why is it not fair of him to regulate your spending if it's coming out of his pocket, UT sounds like he's investing his money wisely in order to give you a beautiful home and a good life. You're in IT so you must have an income; use your own income to buy the dresses and toiletries you want and can afford.

[Gloree]

My income Is not enough. I need extra.

[LiamSawyer]

@Gloree I said use your income to buy what you want and can afford

[DaveJord]

Because of what you said, he wanted you to love him as a person and not his money. Now you're seeing dollar signs and he fucked up if he thought you were a better person then you sound now.

This post makes look really bad, I wish I could share it with him... hopefully he see you for who you really are now.

You just cheated you're self. He thought you loved and appreciated him as a person, now your pissed because you could of been gold digging him this whole time.

Break up with him, he deserves better than you.

[DaveJord]

You're not a victim so stop that right now! This guy has been used and taken advantage of by women because of his money, so now your pissed because you could of been using him this whole time and now that he has told you can't be happy or in love with him. Seriously nobody can be this stupid, selfish or greedy... at least I pray they can't. At this point I will consider this is not a real thing and you're just joking... because if you're not joking then you're just a terrible person.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DaveJord Unfortunately, it's not a joke. She is a real person. And there are more of them...

[DaveJord]

@Jamie05rhs You're probably right... smh😒🙃

[jennyjenjen98]

Why do you feel entitled to spend more of his money? It'd perhaps be a little different if you were married.

It's also possible that most of his money has gone into building the home, so he doesn't have that much to spend on other things.

[shanshu]

His ex was prob more with him for his money than anything else and wanted everything top notch.

He wants to make sure your not like that and that you are with him for him.

Why should it matter if he takes you to somewhere average than the somewhere that costs a lot.

If the more money he spends on you is what counts than you are in the relationship for the wrong reasons.

If he's still putting the effort in and putting the thought in like for gifts and romance then that's a good thing

[TransAm85]

My husband was like this in the beginning. He didn't want me to know that he had his own business and his own home and a very profitable income. He thought I was going to be a gold digger like his ex. If u really love the guy and are not money hungry, he will see that and eventually trust u.

[Qdbrown]

There is saying,. that men should not objectify a woman's looks, and women shouldn't objectify a man's wallet.

The reason why, is because men base all their attraction on looks, and lot of women are attracted to guys with resources. It's just basic human instinct.

[Anonymous]

"Women" like you are the reason why we keep our financial details a secret. A fool and his money are soon to be parted while other ladies rather make their own money.

[Opinion Owner]

By the way him telling you how to spend your money is unsolicited.

[Gloree]

I didn't mean my money. I meant his money.

[Opinion Owner]

Then my initial point remains. You want his monnies.

[iSlipKnot]

Because women generally judge by a guys money and assets. He doesn't want someone who picked him because he is rich. When getting to know a guy, it's always "What do you do?" He likely wants something real and you don't have a right to be upset, really.

[Guy13]

No man wants to be dated because his wallet is fat UNLESS there is a Commodity exchange in place. It doesn't mean that we don't like to look good. It doesn't mean that we avoid responsibility of entertainment coasts and planning. We want to see the true heart... I'm driving my 310,000 Mazda not my classic 90s jag convertible...

[ethanallen]

I dated a nasty Asian bitch who couldn't stop talking about money. She always wanted to know how much money I earned. I told her it was none of her fucking business. Then i fucked her in the ass really hard because she pissed me off with her nastiness.

[Gloree]

U are petty

[ethanallen]

I am not petty. I am red pill aware. By the way, that Asian bitch had the best ass i have ever seen. I couldn't believe I was fucking her. I never even told her what was going to happen. I just went for it and complied.

[ShadezMcgee]

... materialistic possessions over directing money towards a necessity, in this case a house a roof over your head. All of that money was going to a home, something that is needed for one to live a functional and good life.

You seriously are bent out of shape the man spent money on a house over spoiling you with dresses and vacations? Don't blame him for not telling you jack about his finances then.

[Kiran_Yagami]

Because you want to spend his money. It's his money and he doesn't want to spend it in you. That's his right. If you feel entitled to his money just because you two are dating, then he clearly made the right decision and should dump you. And yes, he DID make a mistake by spoiling his ex. She came to expect him to spend money on her, just like you are. The only difference is he can dump you without spending money on you, where he had already spent money on her ahead of time.

[yucychan]

I feel he just don't want you to think that he's rich, that he has a lot of money. He don't want to get your hopes up high and disappoint you unnecessarily.

That being said, I do feel he should be honest with you from the start. And he should not be telling you how to spend your money.

[Gloree]

Well he don't tell me how to spend my money. Just reduces the allowance he gives me.

[yucychan]

@Gloree
Your boyfriend gives you allowances? Why?
Are you not working?

[Gloree]

My salary is small. I need extra money.

[MTC29]

Building a house is complex and expensive and normally requires two or even three loans: A loan to purchase the land, a builder's loan to construct the house, and possibly a mortgage to finally for the house.

I'm betting he has a lot of his assets locked up in the love nest he's planning for you to share with him.

[isoterminal2060]

He's simply a con artist to put it politely. I think that what amazes me is how Vulnerable 20 Somethings are, my own daughter footed the bill for this JerkOff DOUCHEBAG'S night of dinner and movies on the town. In the end I'm not paying for anymore JagOff douchebag's

[Stevefiveo]

Hmm, most guys like to show off how much money they have. I feel all you get is gold diggers that way. So, I am just as guilty as your boyfriend. I will just say I do ok in money and once I know I can trust her, I will slowly reveal some stuff like that and see how she reacts. If she is cool with it then I keep opening up to her more.