Why would a guy pretend to have less cash than he actually has to his girlfriend?

Question

I know my boyfriend is not a billionaire but he pretended he only has the basics only to take me out today and show me a luxurious home he is building which is on the verge of completion and he says we are going to live there.

I didn't know if I should be mad or happy. Like I am still shocked. Now he thinks I am disappointed but I'm just speechless. Like he kept it from me and was regulating my financial demands when I could have been buying more expensive dresses and stuff. I've been wearing average clothes and using average toiletries. It is not fair.

I have been on silent mode and have not talked to him since because I feel cheated. Who is wrong here?

BobSansMal · Accepted Answer

He may currently only have the basics because he's is building such a nice home for the two of you. This endeavor may well be consuming most of his resources.

Try to talk with him in a non-confrontational manner, initially assuming the best of intentions from him, to understand exactly what the situation really is, why you are confused, and what that confusion means to you (why this is a big deal to you).

The two of you may have differing values of how to allocate money, and you need to get this straight as soon as possible. Money problems/disagreements are a major source of relationship failures, but they can be avoided by openness and planning.

Adronicus · Accepted Answer

Gold Digger protection. We men develop a shell when hurt, some of us to protect the heart inside. Other men choose to fundamentally change themselves to manipulate back.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

"was regulating my financial demands"...  What right do you have to make financial demands on your boyfriend...   I could have been buying more expensive dresses and stuff. I've been wearing average clothes and using average toiletries. It is not fair. How about pay for your own clothes and toiletries instead of demanding someone else to. So you'd rather have expensive clothes and toiletries than a beautiful home? Smh And, maybe just maybe he spoiled his ex because she didn't demand it and he wanted to, and maybe just maybe he wants to be loved for himself and not for the money you want him to spend on you...

MysticAngel5000 · Answer

Guys may do this for several reasons. Here are some of the more common ones -

1. He is trying to save money. He has X amount to spend... so he tells you that is all he has. He wants to maintain a budget and avoid over-spending.

2. He doesn't want to let you know just how much money he has. This could be because you make significantly less and he doesn't want to be "showy" or be accused of bragging. If he has a lot of money, he may also want to avoid being taken advantage of. When guys have a lot of money, they can easily fall victim to gold-diggers who only want his money, not him.

I do have to disagree with your post. You sound rather entitled. "I could have bought more expensive dresses". Really? What is wrong with what you currently have? Yes, it's fine to buy new clothes when you need them or have a few nicer items on hand for special occasions. But you don't need to regularly dress to the nines and wear $1,000+ dresses. It is just unnecessary for regular, every day life.

It's great this guy has been working on what sounds to be a nice house and plans to let you live there with him. I'd be really excited. I'd be happy for him, thankful he was including ME into his future, and I'd be proud of him for being financially stable.

Ignoring him is a bit much. You found out he actually has more money than he let on. So your first thought is "omg! I've been cheated! I could have been blowing all his money on fancy, unnecessary things... but instead, I've been "lowered" to just the basics!". Yeah... NOT attractive. You should have been thinking "WOW - this guy really has his act together. He's been building this house... for US? Man... I am LUCKY!"

Don't let the money change you or your opinion of him. You are still NOT entitled to ANY of it. It is HIS, NOT yours. He doesn't have to buy you fancy clothes and stuff. If you get mad because he won't, you aren't the right girl for him.

The best thing to do is talk to him. Let him know you love the house and can't wait to live there with him. Ask him what made him decide to downplay things at first. If you say his ex girlfriend seemed rather high-class and even he himself said she was spoiled, well there's your answer. He downplayed things to avoid another gold-digger repeat. He didn't want you to start demanding expensive things like his ex did. He didn't want to have to PAY just to keep you around.

This was likely a test. A test to show the type of person you truly are. Right now, you're failing that test. If you are going to start changing and wanting him to buy you expensive stuff just because you know he has money and you feel entitled to it because you're so "beneath" common things, you're probably going to run this guy off. He is going to start seeing you as a repeat of his ex.

I wish you the best of luck. I hope it goes well. Just please, don't be materialistic and start wanting his money.

.

Adam1978 · Answer

You are and he clearly made the right call to keep it from you. It's his money and it's his house. He worked hard for it be glad that you even get a chance to live in it. You can easily be replaced. So don't start expecting some luxery life unless you provide it to yourself. Because you are there as long as it fits him. If you wanted the control over how much money you had you would have earned them yourself. Your just lending his life style aslong as you live with him. Keep that in mind, it's not something you have earned or deserve.

HighValue · Answer

She is his EX for a reason. Probably the GREED and selfishness is why she is an ex. You will soon be an ex too if you behave the same way. Just by your post here makes me think that you are the kind of woman I and many guys want to avoid being with. HE earned it. YOU have no right to HIS earnings.

In my opinion, he should leave you. You care more about money than you care about him. This is why any intelligent man should either not get married, or insist on a prenuptial agreement.

Also, some people don't realize that often the people with expensive houses and expensive vehicles don't actually have much discretionary/spending money because they used most of their income to purchase those things and will be paying it out for the next 30 years. Having a high gross income on paper doesn't mean people can afford to do much if they don't use their earnings wisely. They can be cash poor.

LiamSawyer · Answer

Why is it not fair of him to regulate your spending if it's coming out of his pocket, UT sounds like he's investing his money wisely in order to give you a beautiful home and a good life. You're in IT so you must have an income; use your own income to buy the dresses and toiletries you want and can afford.

DaveJord · Answer

Because of what you said, he wanted you to love him as a person and not his money. Now you're seeing dollar signs and he fucked up if he thought you were a better person then you sound now.

This post makes look really bad, I wish I could share it with him... hopefully he see you for who you really are now.

You just cheated you're self. He thought you loved and appreciated him as a person, now your pissed because you could of been gold digging him this whole time.

Break up with him, he deserves better than you.

jennyjenjen98 · Answer

Why do you feel entitled to spend more of his money? It'd perhaps be a little different if you were married.

It's also possible that most of his money has gone into building the home, so he doesn't have that much to spend on other things.

shanshu · Answer

His ex was prob more with him for his money than anything else and wanted everything top notch.

He wants to make sure your not like that and that you are with him for him.

Why should it matter if he takes you to somewhere average than the somewhere that costs a lot.

If the more money he spends on you is what counts than you are in the relationship for the wrong reasons.

If he's still putting the effort in and putting the thought in like for gifts and romance then that's a good thing

TransAm85 · Answer

My husband was like this in the beginning. He didn't want me to know that he had his own business and his own home and a very profitable income. He thought I was going to be a gold digger like his ex. If u really love the guy and are not money hungry, he will see that and eventually trust u.

Qdbrown · Answer

There is saying,. that men should not objectify a woman's looks, and women shouldn't objectify a man's wallet.

The reason why, is because men base all their attraction on looks, and lot of women are attracted to guys with resources. It's just basic human instinct.

Anonymous · Answer

"Women" like you are the reason why we keep our financial details a secret. A fool and his money are soon to be parted while other ladies rather make their own money.

iSlipKnot · Answer

Because women generally judge by a guys money and assets. He doesn't want someone who picked him because he is rich. When getting to know a guy, it's always "What do you do?" He likely wants something real and you don't have a right to be upset, really.

Guy13 · Answer

No man wants to be dated because his wallet is fat UNLESS there is a Commodity exchange in place. It doesn't mean that we don't like to look good. It doesn't mean that we avoid responsibility of entertainment coasts and planning. We want to see the true heart... I'm driving my 310,000 Mazda not my classic 90s jag convertible...

ethanallen · Answer

I dated a nasty Asian bitch who couldn't stop talking about money. She always wanted to know how much money I earned. I told her it was none of her fucking business. Then i fucked her in the ass really hard because she pissed me off with her nastiness.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

... materialistic possessions over directing money towards a necessity, in this case a house a roof over your head. All of that money was going to a home, something that is needed for one to live a functional and good life.

You seriously are bent out of shape the man spent money on a house over spoiling you with dresses and vacations? Don't blame him for not telling you jack about his finances then.

Kiran_Yagami · Answer

Because you want to spend his money. It's his money and he doesn't want to spend it in you. That's his right. If you feel entitled to his money just because you two are dating, then he clearly made the right decision and should dump you. And yes, he DID make a mistake by spoiling his ex. She came to expect him to spend money on her, just like you are. The only difference is he can dump you without spending money on you, where he had already spent money on her ahead of time.

yucychan · Answer

I feel he just don't want you to think that he's rich, that he has a lot of money. He don't want to get your hopes up high and disappoint you unnecessarily.

That being said, I do feel he should be honest with you from the start. And he should not be telling you how to spend your money.

MTC29 · Answer

Building a house is complex and expensive and normally requires two or even three loans: A loan to purchase the land, a builder's loan to construct the house, and possibly a mortgage to finally for the house.

I'm betting he has a lot of his assets locked up in the love nest he's planning for you to share with him.

isoterminal2060 · Answer

He's simply a con artist to put it politely. I think that what amazes me is how Vulnerable 20 Somethings are, my own daughter footed the bill for this JerkOff DOUCHEBAG'S night of dinner and movies on the town. In the end I'm not paying for anymore JagOff douchebag's

Stevefiveo · Answer

Hmm, most guys like to show off how much money they have. I feel all you get is gold diggers that way. So, I am just as guilty as your boyfriend. I will just say I do ok in money and once I know I can trust her, I will slowly reveal some stuff like that and see how she reacts. If she is cool with it then I keep opening up to her more.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

If you get mad, you're totally in the wrong. He didn't tell you about his money before because you had/have no claim to it. And actually, the comment you made about buying more expensive dresses is exactly why he did that. If you knew about his money, you would have felt that you had a right to spend his money; a right that you do not, in fact, have.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm a woman, but I date women, so it's probably not too different...

I come from a family with land and more money than most, I don't let on about any of that though until my SOs discover it, and I tend to prevent that for quite some time. I have multiple accounts in multiple banks to keep anyone from knowing how much I have going on and also to help budgeting. To boot, I generally tell people I'm broke when I've simply reached my budget.

Reason for all of this is simple, I don't want to be taken advantage of and I need to know the woman I'm with is with me because they love me, not my resources.

Waldoe · Answer

he wanted to know if you liked "Him" or his "Money" when he was sure that you Liked Him... he was willing to let you know about the "Money" congratulations, you found a Smart Man...

EmbraceThePain · Answer

“I’ve been wearing average clothes and using average toiletries.” I’m not liking how this all sounds to be honest. Would you say you’re materialistic? Vain? I think he has plenty of reasons to be guarded when it comes to his financial assets.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

How do you view yourself as a victim in this? Because he didn’t spoil you like his ex? There is a reason she’s his ex and it’s probably because wealth turned her into a pretentious garden tool. He’s building a beautiful home for his family and if you would have rather had superficial name brand products instead maybe he’d be better off without you too.

Wubs3000 · Answer

His money is not your money? Why do you feel cheated because you "could have been wearing expensive dresses"
You would have just wasted his money on stuff like that when he wants to save money for your future. He doesn't have to give you his money don't be entitled.

Staximus · Answer

Because you're an ungrateful gold digger and have the foresight of a mole? Because he doesn't want to enable a high maintenance woman? He didn't buy all that useless fancy bullshit for you so he could spend the money on building a nice house for the 2 of you. You don't need all that fancy bullshit, you're not a movie star or the queen of England. Maybe if you want all that useless overpriced crap you should buy it with your own money and not be a bum?

Gangactivities911 · Answer

Well now u know how men feel when women won’t or can’t give the same sexual experience to their current boyfriend as their previous one. Older and less virginal women aren’t as good of sex partners. Which means literally any girl with any sexual past cannot possibly give her best to who she gets with next. THANK U THO FINALLY U FEEL MY PAIN. bittersweet indeed

Anonymous · Answer

Man builds woman a beautiful home. Woman is upset about dresses and makeup. This is why I'll never get married again. There's NOTHING a man can do that is right, and men are far better off keeping our money and letting women fend for themselves

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Maybe he's like me and needs every penny he's got for a huge deal in the future. I need about $12,000 more than I have, right now, to keep from losing my house and have no way to get more!

Anonymous · Answer

Any man who has money is wise to hide that fact for some time until he knows a woman's true intentions and knows she cares about him as a person and not just because of his money. This should require no explanation and you should understand it. If you don't then it only serves to prove my point.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

He might want to have some savings and not spend it all and his savings is currently lower than he would like it to be.

blondfrog · Answer

How else would we know if you love us for who we are and not just for our money? I mean considering how many different ways you women test us I think we are allowed to have this one thing over you.

exitseven · Answer

I don't know. Maybe he wants to know if you like him for himself and not how much money he has.

Astarlessnightsky · Answer

To avoid greedy false friends who are only milking you and robbing you of your money.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Why are you comparing yourself to his ex? Okay do you want to gold dig him and be luxurious like his ex? Sure but that would also mean you would end up being an ex just like her.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

He's buying you a nice home and you're pissed that he didn't piss that money on expensive dresses instead? This is a "you problem", not a "him problem", to put it politely.

panda2712 · Answer

Maybe because they want to see if you’re a gold digger or not?

Luopio27 · Answer

Why do you need expensivw clothes like his ex? Maybe thats the reason why he doesn't want his ex and wants you?

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Gotta make sure you weren't a gold digger I guess?

TonightYouu · Answer

Because a woman’s loyalty is tested when a man is at his lowest 99.99% of women bail

Avicenna · Answer

Well, exactly because you would have spent a lot of money on things he felt aren't worth buying and may have made getting that nice property impossible.

slatyb · Answer

Don't marry this guy. He's manipulative and deceptive. You will pay for everything he gives you one way or another.

Anonymous · Answer

you're not a victim... if he doesn't want to disclose the exact amount of money he makes, that's his choice. i know you're a troll. but materials items are not that important...

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Wow... He's still going to let you live in his new house with him, even after you wrecked his car? Stop complaining, girl! SMH

dragoblack · Answer

It's called a budget. A guy can have a lot of money, but if he has money set aside or is saving, the amount he has to free spend will be low... on the other hand if he single it is protection from gold diggers and/or budget reasons

LexiXide · Answer

he is wrong girl. u got the bad end of the stick. u couldve been doin so much more for yourself

schittywok · Answer

Elon Musk went broke as shit after investing all his money in 3 companies and going through a divorce. This type of shit can happen at any level.

Twalli · Answer

Maybe he was living by the bare minimum in order to get the house completed.. I guess it's a matter of long term versus short term. You could have all that short term, but not as much long term.

Beardedman1996 · Answer

If a guy hides money from a woman it’s because he knows she’ll wanna spend it and he’s got reasons as to why he can’t

roy_ricky09 · Answer

No guy should ever reveal how much he earns or has.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

Read what you wrote again. You are in the wrong.

msc545 · Answer

So your cosmetics and clothing are worth more than a home? He should dump you.

Valso · Answer

Bc he's well aware she's with him for the cash and if she knows he doesn't have any, it's gonna be "sayonara, moneyless boyfriend".

maximumpower · Answer

To keep her from planning to spend it. Not a bad tactic.

H8INCHES · Answer

Gold digging dirtbag! I hope he dumps your dumb ass.

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

This question has been posted numerous times. Gtfoh

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Cause he's cheap and doesn't want to spend a lot. Thats the only reason a guy does that

SkyCastle90 · Answer

Leave him. He deserves better.

Anonymous · Answer

If a Guy really likes you, He would to buy you things that you like so he might not like you as much as you think.

Why would a guy pretend to have less cash than he actually has to his girlfriend?

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