How do I stay faithful with long distance and school?

[Anonymous]

been 6 years with my boo but we are long distance, been that way for 1 year. We both can't visit each other since we have intense graduate school. Met like 5-6 times in the last year LOL.

I keep getting crushes on people that aren't my boyfriend. I love him and care for him but why do I get them? How can I avoid him besides for meeting him bc that's not possible? How do I make crushes go away because lit getting crushed by one at the moment.

[wheist9095]

Familiarity breeds affection, you get crushed on people because you spend time around them and develop a friendly relationship with them and your brain chemistry says that since you're not getting that physical affection and intimacy from your long-distance boyfriend it's trying to fill in the gap with people around you.

I hate long distance relationships for that reason, they are very hard to maintain because they require incredible commitment and discipline which sometimes makes partners resent each other or it leads them to infidelity. You can try and talk to your boyfriend and find more ways to be together, zoom calls, plan time ahead to meet more than once every other month if that's even possible, otherwise you might have to consider going to an open relationship to take care of the physical problems that are getting in your head

[Asker]

Yeah im scared im getting resentful like he doesn't give me enough time but keep dreaming about us 2 years ago before covid and those were good days 😭

[wheist9095]

That's not great, those are some feelings you should definitely address and talk to him about. You want him to make you feel important. You want him to make you feel loved. That's pretty universal for a lot of relationships actually, people get complacent and they stop trying to show their love for their partner. And then the love is gone!

[Asker]

I literally try to masturbate every night lol trying to get those physical problems aside. I think i just like attention that guys give me bc my boyfriend isn't giving it to me. I lit send him pics of what guys from ym school say to me and he doesn't care bc he trusts me. Im like can you say stuff like that and he doesn't even reply lol.

[wheist9095]

Try to? And yeah! Other guys are putting in work, why ain't he? You don't want him to feel jealous, you want him to make you feel wanted

[Asker]

Lol i pretty much do every night. Lowkey i want the jealousy too lol like protectiveness but there’s none of that he's too comfy and isn't romantic anymore

[wheist9095]

Lol fair enough, yeah I see where you're coming from. He's gotten complacent, he's not putting in the work like he should. Are you doing work as well? Trying to keep him interested and keep things exciting? Or is it like, you plan a date night with him on Skype or zoom and he's just lackluster and doesn't give a damn. Because if he's not trying and you are you might want to get out of the relationship. Because if it's 2 years and he gave up, he ain't going to get no better in 20

[Asker]

Its 6 years lol and I've lowkey put less into him than i have in the past. I think its because im resentful. I call him he doesn't pick up my calls. doesn't call me back or tell me why. I do more at least lol. He doesn't try in his appearance I always go all out. We almost broke up last week about the call thing. I said do you want to break up or do you want to work things out and he said work things out and said he’ll try to be better. I dont know what will make things better or if the passion is just gone for me or if its school/distance.

[wheist9095]

Sorry, I was thinking 2 years because of COVID. I wasn't very clear that's my bad. And yeah, he says he wants to make things better but the passion might still be gone. Like you can give him more time but if he doesn't get better then you know that it's time to move on. You're only young once, and after something's over you can't go back and do it again. Like, hooking up in college or going to parties or hanging out all night because you don't have to go to work in the morning. It might be better for the both of you to cut things off and maybe in a few years you reconnect and the spark is there again or maybe you move on and you both find new people

[Nathan25]

Look at solving this issue and solving impulse purchasing as the same issue. You see potential pleasure, and you feel compelled to indulge because of the immediate dopamine. We aren't designed to weigh that immediate reward against our rewards from long term commitments. You should not resort to solving this issue in the unconscious mind and keep it in the forefront. Not until we figure out how to replace our brains with computers anyways. You are human, don't forget it!

[Asker]

Interesting way to think of it!

[QuietVerbena]

You have to use willpower and remind yourself that you’re a happily taken girl

[Asker]

Am i happy though lol

[QuietVerbena]

If you’re unhappy then break up with him and explore the opportunities around you. But don’t cheat. That hurts everyone, including your boyfriend and the person you’re cheating with.

[MangoBob]

Buy a sex toy, sexual tension is temporary, love is forever.

[Anonymous]

Get a VR headset and you both can be together in VR. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Baby relaxed it's in a girl nature to have multiple crush's & boyfriends. You're not alone. So relaxed.

[Avicenna]

You need to have some willpower to overcome that

[Asker]

Where do i get some

[Danny_dan92]

By keeping your panties on

[Asker]

Im trying but they want to come off lol im a virgin and my boyfriend wants to wait till marriage

[Danny_dan92]

Oh wow