Flirting with a coworker I didn’t know was married?

[Anonymous]

I was flirting with a coworker and been meeting up for breaks with him for a few weeks. He never mentioned he had a wife, and we had been messaging/flirting and it never went any further then just flirting. She found our messages on his phone and confronted me, I gave her an apology and told her I didn’t know he was married and I wouldn’t of gone there had I of known, she is still giving me abusive messages. But she works in the same place. What should I do? I’ve blocked both of their numbers.

[DaveJord]

It sounds to me that you have done all you can and should not be expected to do anymore other then ignore them and let it blow over. I would also talk to your boss and him/her know about the problem. I would also not block their messages, I would save all them incase you need it later as evidence of work place harassment. Because you have the messages were you explains it and honestly you did nothing wrong. So if this women is persisting then at some point you may have to report it. I know that you might be embarrassed about this whole thing and reporting is something you would not do. But if it persists the long i goes unreported the more guilty you may look by not disclosing the problem sooner. The intent of disclosing it is to make it stop, not punish or get anyone else in trouble... and HR is a good place to start.

Unfortunately the guy failed you. When I was married, and I got a sense that a women was flirting I always found a way to work my wife into the conversion or mention that I was married. I mean if you said something like, "I really like oranges." I would say, "Yeah, my WIFE loves them to."

Even if she didn't like oranges the point was I said "Wife". That's just one example, but I would do this more then once... if she kept flirting after... then that's a different subject. But for me personally that was always enough to put them off. I never cheated on my ex-wife, 22 years of marriage and I was 100% faithful... but given how it ended I should of cheated. I had some really great opportunities to but never did, but looking back I wish I had. But I guess you can say I still have my integrity 100% intact and in the end. I am glad given all the ugliness that she never could of accuse me of that.

So first off you did nothing wrong here. This women is reacting in the way she is because she is very insecure in her own relationship. He failed in this situation because he really liked the attention you where giving him, and honestly that is probably its the attention he is lacking in his own marriage. I mean look how this women is reacting to you? Can you blame this guy? On some level yes you have to, because he was wrong and knew his wife is the way she is. So he put you in a compromising situation, but on another level you probably have to feel sorry for him. For me I never realized how much I craved that level of attention, until someone started giving it to me. But I always cut off early, because I knew my situation. But at first it was hard, because it is something you really crave and appreciate, but I always did the right thing.

I for one really loved the attention, but I also knew it was more because my wife never made me feel the way I felt I deserved. But in knowing my wife was a looney toon, I always let the other lady know in settle ways that I was married. And once that happened then it changed the relationship and it made going home to my unfulfilling marriage worse... so on some level his women knows what's going on and knows it more about her then you. But that's a tough pill to swallow.

[hyperben]

block both of them (done) make sure someone, somewhere knows what's going on, keep a track of her abusive messages and if they get too much fuck their shit right up but do it very carefully so you dont get embroiled in their weird set up.

[Asker]

I’ve screen shot all the messages, I’m hoping it doesn’t go no further. But I’m willing to take it further, only problem is she thinks I don’t know who she is, but after talking to a close friend I now know who she is and what she looks like. So any more messages I receive (hopefully none, since she is blocked) I will tell her I know who she is and I will take it further at work if she keeps carrying on.

[hyperben]

good move!

[Avatar74]

Its not your fault at all, you in all honesty were showing interest in what you thought was a single guy.

He has created this problem for you by his disloyalty to his wife, its unfair for you to receive abuse for something you knew nothing about

[hahahmm]

If a guy was harassing you you'd run to HR quicker then you can say 'man'. But now you don't know what to do? Guess all that feminist centered brainwashing you've gotten has messed with your head.

[Anonymous]

That's one of the first things I try to find out when talking to a co-worker of the opposite gender, just in general so I know where I stand.

hahahmm certainly makes an interesting point...

[Andres77]

Inform HR of the situation and show them that you blocked both of them and are trying to do the right thing.

[Anonymous]

You did mistake with no intension...
You apologize n you blocked both.

You did whatever you can do.

It's obvious she get mad at you wait for few weeks

[CallmeTheKnight]

One of the reasons you shouldn't fratenize

[Beerluvr]

Nothing it will pass