What does his inconsistent behaviour mean?

[Anonymous]

We're both early 20s. There's a guy i've been dating for about a month now, i've noticed when we're together things are great and he seems really interested in me, but when we're apart his texting and general communication is VERY inconsistent. He used to text me every 1-2 hours when we first started talking but now i'm lucky if i hear from him every 24 hours. We have a date planned for this Friday which he says he's excited about so he enjoys meeting with me, but its as if when we're apart, which is the majority of the time, he's ignoring me or disinterested- he says he's still interested though. I know he's the type to go on his phone often so im just left very confused.

Why do you think this is? Thanks.

Updates

1 y

Also, we've been taking things slow so haven't had sex.

[Yaaaay]

In my experience (I’m 25), no guy I have been seeing have been consistent with their texting. Girls just have different texting habits. I always have that - when we are together he shows affirmation and reassurance, but when we’re not, it feels like the opposite, just because we’re scared of losing them so we just imagine the worst case scenario and assumes they dislike us just because they haven’t texted. I have also realised that I don’t think it’s attractive when a guy is texting too much. Obviously, all this applies to the times when you’re not in a relationship with the guy.

[Asker]

Yeah this is true! I think it's because his replies used to be really good and have gradually gone down to once a day. It makes me wonder if maybe he thinks he 'has me' now so can stop putting in as much effort when we're not together.

[Anonymous]

From experience he may have someone in the background or he's busy or he hates texting

[xColinx]

I agree with how @Yaaaay explained it. Guys have different communication styles in general than girls, including texting, so just because his texting frequency is different than yours, don't assume it's a lack of interest. Much more important is his actions towards you when you're together.

[xColinx]

What type of date is planned for Friday? I saw your update that you're taking things kinda slow... have y'all had 'the talk' yet so that you know what each other's expectations are?

[Asker]

We were just going to go on a walk around this beautiful area he knows and get a couple drinks at a bar. We haven't had that conversation yet but i think i might have to initiate it on Friday and see where his head is at with everything, i'm just worried he might sell me a dream and not deliver

[xColinx]

Do you get the feeling he's waiting for you to initiate? As a guy, it can be helpful if she at least hints at the subject, like break the ice, and then he'll probably feel more comfortable opening up about it.

Or sometimes not even needing to have the talk, and just go with the flow and let things naturally play out, as long as both peeps are fine taking things slow enough to look for reactions and overall body language.

The date idea sounds fun tho! Try not to have huge expectations in either direction... don't over think it, just try to be comfortable in the moment.

[Asker]

Not exactly, i mean he claims to be big on communication, consistency and honesty which are obviously all very vital for a healthy relationship. I think we might just need to discuss our expectations and what we require in order to be happy- make sure we're on the same page.

In person everything is perfect, we enjoy eachothers company and have fun- it's very obvious he's interested in me. The only issue is when we're apart but i think he's just not aware of how much i would prefer to communicate on a daily basis. I'm hoping if i discuss it with him then he'll take the necessary action and we can continue going forward.

[xColinx]

Yeah that makes sense. Also the more you get to know each other, you'll start to play off each other's vibes in lots of different ways, including communication most likely.

It also seems like a good sign that he hasn't tried to move more quickly with initiating sex... as a guy, that's a good sign that he's genuinely interested in you and wanting to get to know you better, let the relationship develop, etc.

[Asker]

He's actually the first guy to ever want to take it slow and get to know me instead of just wanting to jump straight into bed so he stands out to me a lot, im hoping everything works out.

I know he has a lot of friends which he likes to see often so i'm unsure if maybe his lack of effort with texting is because we've been talking a while, and he feels he needs to put less energy into texting me as much. Almost as if he's assuming i'm not willing to go anywhere.

[xColinx]

I totally get what you're saying but as a guy... don't worry about it. See how he acts in person on Friday and if he seems distant at all or less affectionate or whatever (you know his usual body language by now) then I'd say maybe he's just feeling the whole thing, but I wouldn't make any assumptions at all based on texting. He might've viewed the early frequent texting as part of the "chase" and now he feels more comfortable and is acting more like his natural self. Make sense?

[xColinx]

i meant to say *not feeling the whole thing

[Carolus]

It means he’s just faking it when with you and busy trying to get other girls when not.

[LazerBean]

Some people are just bad at texting.