If you dont enjoy the sex does it mean they also dont?

[Anonymous]

this might be a bit of a stupid question and also a hard one to answer since a lot of people lie to their romantic partners about the level of sexual enjoyment but I've always wondered when i have amazing sex with someone if they also find it amazing or if they could find it terrible. and same for the opposite.

i recently started seriously dating someone and i have never liked someone this much. However for me the sex isn't enjoyable at all. He expresses to me how great it is for him but i can't help but think thats a lie when i myself find sex with him a chore.

[quaranta]

The fact he likes it a lot, while you don't, marks a disconnection between you two. That is probably given by the fact you never told him how you prefer sex to be and that you don't like it currently, especially if you moan or express pleasure (that's even more misleading). Or, it's because he doesn't care about your pleasure very much and even if he perfectly knows you don't like it, he only minds your body for himself.
I assume that's the first case, so that would mean there is a lot of room to make sex much better, by simply "instructing" him about the aspects you prefer of it and how you like it more. Don't tell him about how bad he is at X, but tell him about how you prefer Y instead. Most likely he will be more than eager to follow your preferences and get an overall better experience, because a lot of guys get pleasure by seeing how good they are at pleasing a woman. So if you give him directions about how you would like it even more, he would be attracted to try that. Mind that if you tell him he does X wrong it will look like he is never enough and will be monitored by you to just reach the situation where it's not a chore for you, so like, reaching the "acceptance" but being fundamentally in the wrong. Instead if you tell him you prefer Y, it sounds like an extra to an already acceptable situation, and improvement rather than a fix, and that is less discouraging, more motivating.
Without communication, though, he wouldn't be able to know, and would not improve about that.

[Asker]

yeah its been mentally bothering me for a little bit because i like him so much and i dont want to say anything thats gonna hurt his feelings or make him feel he's not enough. I've never been someone that has been able to fully enjoy sex so the choices were putting up with it for him or i thought about maybe asking him if there's anything he likes that i/we haven't done and he wants to try so that he asks me the same thing back since the reason i dont enjoy sex with him is he goes straight in everytime without foreplay. and absolutely nothing else

[quaranta]

I'm sorry but without communicating your needs to him you aren't going to have automatically the sex you like, he can't know what you prefer...
I did communicate my preferences to my partner after the first 2 times we had sex and understood the way he does it, he followed instantly what I said and generally I say what I want during it: change position, "please keep doing this more before sex", "I don't feel aroused enough, I'm stressed from the day, can we take it much slower so I unload gradually my mind?", "can you touch more like this?", etc. And of course I'm open to get similar requests.
I trust sex is gonna be better and better with him the more we have it because we'll know each other's preferences better during time. Also, I think guys find requests hot, in general.
But that has to be communicated, otherwise you are basically making your own bad sex by yourself, by not doing anything to build it. If you don't do anything about that you'll end up like a lot of women who after some months/years "lose sex drive" and the couple tries every possible method to make it respawn because the guy is frustrated about it, except communicating her preferences and untangling untold tensions and problems stacked in the couple (that are untold as well).
And the fact he goes straight in without foreplay means probably all of his exes never communicated with him as well, and you just continue the legacy, so of course he thinks he is amazing in bed.

[Guy13]

One can provide amazing sex for another and not really enjoy it. Some don't even orgasm but get their fun from seeing the partner's reaction. "Amazing sex" is such an individual thing... For some is simply "old"... like a job or a service to provide in relationship. It says you are 29 ?