Men, to stay or to go?

[Anonymous]

When a man engages in all the things that constitute dating (i. e., going out to dinner, texting/calling every day, inviting you to his house, showing you his work, being physical with you) but still has dating apps that get matches currently, what should I do? We’ve been seeing each other for a month and a half. I respect this man and so don’t talk with other men, but I have no idea if I’m just a fun past time to him or a serious option he’s just scared to commit to… What are your thoughts? I want to be taken seriously & not taken advantage of.

[PrettyPriya]

Unless you had some sort of agreement that you were not going to be exclusive, it is time for him to either get off the dating apps and commit or move on. A month is long enough to determine if there is serious relationship potential or not.

Now, if you had discussed that it was okay to continue to see other people, then that is okay what he is doing. I would be interested to know if he is active on those dating apps or just still has an account.

You have to remember that people sometimes forget they still have an account. Once they meet someone, they do not immediately quit those sites because they are unsure if they found someone or not. Then, as things move along, you kind of forget about it altogether. That is a possibility.

Best thing to do is discuss this with him directly. If you cannot be honest with each other and communicate, there isn't much potential for a good relationship. Just ask him why he is still on there and talk about your expectations.

[FilmGuy93]

If you want to be taken seriously, you have to be willing to put your foot down about your boundaries and walk away from situations that don't give you what you need.

Maybe let things go for another couple weeks, and then say "hey, we've been doing this thing for a while and I'm having fun, but I need to know where things are heading."

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s been enough time that he should either commit to you or not. Next time you see him let him know you want a serious relationship and the honor of calling him your boyfriend. If he decides to not commit you have your answer

[Asker]

Thank you! I didn’t know if 1.5 months was pushy and I’m not trying to be a crazy psycho about it. I understand people get hurt and have hesitancies, but you can’t just reap the benefits of a relationship and not be in one.
I sent him a text this morning. Was that a bad idea?

[BarryLiverstone]

Don’t do it over text. Talk to him in person. It’s not pushy, he either wants you or not

[Asker]

Dang well I can’t take back the text but it was civil. I didn’t present it as an ultimatum- I basically said
I really like you & I know you may not feel the same way about things, but I honestly haven’t done this sort of thing with anyone which is why I asked about where we stood early on (and prematurely). From my point of view, I view this as a relationship.
I know you would want & deserve someone who is serious and loyal & that’s all I’m getting at as well. And don’t know if I can trust him if
I don’t know what he wants

[BarryLiverstone]

Not sure how he will react. Sounds like you don’t have much experience, does he?

[Asker]

Only officially dated 3 guys. He’s 4 years older than me.

[Asker]

So I’d say yes- he’s not dumb.

[BarryLiverstone]

Then if he knows you are what he wants , it’s on him to step up. When will you see him irl?

[Asker]

I don't know I leave Wednesday for 2 weeks. I just saw him this morning cuz I spent the night. But I was a coward and didn’t bring it up.
His actions are very convincing, but I can’t go on those alone.

[BarryLiverstone]

If he’s important to you then find a way to see him before you leave.. being apart for 2 weeks over the holidays will be hard on you otherwise. Can you see him?

[Asker]

He has long work days and I’m not trying to hassle him about this all. But if he asked to see me I’d be willing to. I’m not sure he’d want to though-

[BarryLiverstone]

Did he say goodbye? He knows you will be gone for 2 weeks

[Asker]

He kissed me goodbye- like he does every time. But I think he planned on seeing me again

[Asker]

So it was more like a I’ll see you later

[BarryLiverstone]

Sorry I’ve gone beyond just answering your question. Feel free to follow my account here. It doesn’t sound like he knows you will be leaving soon

[Asker]

No worries. I appreciate it. He knows I’m leaving Wednesday, but I think just planned on seeing me before. I pretty much chalked up my text to him saying we can talk in person, I just wanted to give you time to think about it first

[BarryLiverstone]

Ty for MHO, did you see him before you left?

[LiamJHayden]

Women and men, listen up: If you have not discussed being exclusive, do not assume that you are. Your assumed "partner" might very well see you as just one of many in his or her stable.

[Asker]

So it’s safe to assume he would make it serious if he wanted it serious?

[LiamJHayden]

Maybe, but it is always best to make sure you are on the same page. Here, it sounds like you are assuming a monogamous relationship, but have not actually discussed it. A lot of guys, and girls, do not think in the same terms as you do (and as I do here) so always talk about it. It doesn't have to be confrontational. It can even be, "I love being your girlfriend." And see how he reacts.

[Asker]

Okay thanks- I mean he doesn’t have any reason to doubt where I stand with him. I’ve been very clear about being more pro-relationship and invested & like him a lot. But I plan to talk with him if I haven’t scared him away by now

[boggboss]

Speak to him about it if u want to be taken serious

[tfan1]

Give him an ultimatum - if he wants you. They go.

[In_Trance]

Too early to tell. Relax and have fun. It's about the experiences, not the endgame