Do I stay or go?

[Anonymous]

I am in a relationship. 3 years. We have an 8 month old. I'm 21, he's 20. We were childhood friends. But here's the skinny: he has an alcohol and marijuana dependency for starters. We were good for awhile but problems arose about a year into our relationship. when we started discussing getting our own place together. He has a narcissist mother/narcissist son relationship. Not to mention, his mom is a drug addict, has never put her 8 yr old in school, and has unpredictable fist fights with her girlfriend. their relationship thrives off of codependency. She treats him like her husband, and because he was raised with guilts, and had to raise her children, he treats her like his wife. So 1.5 years into our relationship, we contemplated moving out. I got pregnant around our 2 yr anniversary. I told him I wanted to keep the baby but that if he didn't want to raise her, he didn't have to. He decided he wanted to. I couldn't take it anymore, so I moved with my parents. He moved in 4ish months later for the second half of my pregnancy. After I gave birth, very hard delivery (56 hrs of labor, emergency C-section, and postpartum infection...) He decided to move in with his mom 2 weeks later (an hour away) to get sober. He LEFT me at my weakest point to get SOBER at a drug addicts house. I couldn't take the distance and followed him there a month later. I live with them now. It's toxic. I have been begging him to move out with me into our own place for 2 years. He has called me names, broken up with me for another woman. I am not saying I'm perfect, but I have loved him through SOOOO much! I have put up with years of mental antagonizing. I have treated him like a wife would treat her husband. He recognizes all of this. But it's just now that he's saying he wants to get on board. And so my dilemma is that I'm not sure that I want to fight for us anymore. I love him. But I'm not sure it's healthy for our baby either..

[Anonymous]

few mistakes here. never treat your boyfriend like you're both husband/wife. he will never marry you because he already has the benefits.

and i know you're young, but you have seen the red flags. yet still stayed with him, despite the issues arising 1 year in. and still had a kid with him... you dug yourself in a hole and now it is likely your child won't have a dad to grow up with and you'll be struggling through life. it's sad, but this happens a lot.

get rid of the dude, concentrate on yourself and your child. that's it.

[duttyjamagyal]

Omg people really decide if they're going to keep or kill their baby after they already exist...

[Asker]

? If you're talking about me. There is no questionnn about keeping the baby or not. She's my daughter. But if you're talking him, I understand what you're saying

[Guy13]

Wow, you have been through the ringer…. Since this is such a large life decision, do you have any place you can move too for 3-6 months. It might give yiu a better perspective ❓

[Asker]

Yeah, I could live with my parents

[Guy13]

You might consider that option?

[Guy13]

It seems like everyone needs space to think it through. Fighting that loneliness from separation is horrible... at least for me.

[Anonymous]

Nice choice you made for a father of your children.