My girlfriend is an alcoholic, I have been with her for 5 years and living together for a year.
Her problems worsened around the time of the pandemic and her depression has worsened since then and she has become dependent on alcohol.
She will be fine when I leave for work in the morning but when I come home in the evening she will be semi conscious on the floor and there will be 2-3 empty bottles in the recycling.
Way back (approx 10-12 years ago?) her father cheated on her mother and broke up the family unit. Years later her mother is now back living with the father though they are NOT in a relationship.
We have had numerous interactions with medical professionals and one issue that keeps coming up is the break up of the family caused by her father's infidelity and lying she says "he broke my heart".
I have tried to involve her parents in her recovery by keeping them informed and have asked the father to engage in counselling with my girlfriend to try and get her past this. She had had counselling for this issue for the past decade but he never engaged with her on it and no-one in the family is allowed to talk about it.
Her father has now taken a very aggressive stance towards me since I raised the subject. He has asked me to leave his daughter and suggested she break up with me as I am a 'Toxic' person. My question is do I stay and fight it out to get her the closure I really believe she needs or do I leave which will mean at 35 she goes back to living with her mother and father? I'm at a loss to know as I love her but not the person the alcohol is making her become.
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I can not answer stay or go… alcoholism is hard! She will not stop unless she chooses too, that is the hard truth. I doubt she feels good about drinking like that, but when there is pain that you’d rather numb then feel you won’t stop. Alcoholics anonymous can be helpful for support and recovery. Unfortunately because it involves religion and some people are very against it. Try talking to her, does she acknowledge that she drinks to much? There are thousands of meetings everyday even online, maybe you can get her to go to one or two. Hearing others story’s is eye opening! Good luck to you and her. You sound like you really care about her, being there and supporting her will be good, leaving her will likely make her drink more.
Thankyou for your honest answer. I made the phonecall to AA recently and hope she will engage with them.
I hope that she considers it!
https://aa-intergroup.org/meetings/
She drinks enough to pass out every day and she's 35? If doesn't have her life together by now or at least shown any signs of improvement she likely never will. This on top of the toxic family members. I would just tell her that if she wants to continue having a relationship with her parents you are out.
Thanks for your advice much appreciated.